BPDw says she divorcing me... why is she stronger than me

[Sluggo]

My wife says she divorcing me.  Getting on a plane this weekend to go back home- what she said.  Wow she has been so awful towards me  but amazed that she still is the healthier one than me.  She said we are both miserable and it needs to end.  She is probably correct but i dont want to go through that pain of separation.  We have kids at home.  Im thinking wow... .she has more backbone in relationship than i do.

[Aussie0zborn]

Wow that's a horrible position you're in but one that needs to be dealt with. It sounds like she is dealing with it and you're just sweeping it under the carpet.

I have been in your position. Sometimes our unfounded fears keep us in these going-nowhere relationships. Trust me, you are not living. She might very well be handing you a "get out of jail free" card and it would be wise to use it, unless you can see things changing for the better. If you feel its going to be more of the same, why would you stay and do this to yourself and your children?

How good would you be for your children if you had the same backbone that she has? Don't be afraid to start living, dude. There is a whole new world out there and its nothing to be afraid of. I hope you handle this situation properly so as to minimise any fallout.

[Indyan]

She said we are both miserable and it needs to end.

Mine said and still says the same thing. He's been absolutely horrible to me and the kids, so when he goes "I'm the sensible guy here and this hell has to end", it drives me nuts.

Yeah, they create chaos and then acknowledge the existence of this chaos, so that the end result is "we must end the r/s".

They don't fight whatsoever for the relationship, and that love they said they felt for us just evaporates.

In fact, it's not "for our own good" that they want to break up, it's only because RIGHT NOW that's what they feel like doing, full stop. It's a very selfish feeling, and has nothing to do with being sensible, or trying no to make things worse.

However, being the one who always has to remind them of the love we shared is an exhausting and depressing process. You'd better stop trying to "save" the relationship, because that gives her power that she shouldn't have by being in the position of the one who keeps destroying, hurts, or gives conditions.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey All4BVM, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through and sad to say it is quite familiar to me.  Guess we'll see if your W actually gets on a plane this weekend (I'm skeptical).  In the meantime, maybe you could plan something fun to do with the kids over the weekend.  LuckyJim