after 45 days NC...

[Depression = 72% of members]

just received a text from my exBPD. it's odd, because the other day i was thinking he was the bridge-burner BPD that i'd never hear from again.

seeing his text pop-up on my phone made my heart race and body shake.

does this ever end?

[pieceofme]

just received a text from my exBPD. it's odd, because the other day i was thinking he was the bridge-burner BPD that i'd never hear from again.

seeing his text pop-up on my phone made my heart race and body shake.

does this ever end?

[guy4caligirl]

I really don't believe so just wanted to make sure a few minutes ago to tell my ex 5 years Rs 4 months gone that I found someone and I want to go on with my life guess what she did not want me to talk on the phone and I stressed for her that it's a life changing decision , and more stressing till she stopped texting back the usual leave me alone .

texted what my intentions are to me she does not want me to let go I hope she doesn't delete them as they come in .

But I left her a voice mail and said I think you don't want me to let go that's why .

Man are they confusing or what ?

[Deeno02]

55 days NC. No word has been heard from her other than a "text" from her son asking me if I still had the engagement ring I never got a chance to give her as I was dumped before I could propose. *****her son got in trouble at school and she took his phone away so Im sure she read all the texts between him and I, the wording was not what a 15 year old boy would say**** I told *him* that it was really not any concern of theirs what I did with the ring. I also told him not to worry, if he and the other kids needed any help, I would do what I could, and also told him agin, not to worry as Im sure the bald dude(my really quick replacement) would marry her! Havent heard a thing since and Im happy as hell.

[DangIthurts]

55 days NC. No word has been heard from her other than a "text" from her son asking me if I still had the engagement ring I never got a chance to give her as I was dumped before I could propose. *****her son got in trouble at school and she took his phone away so Im sure she read all the texts between him and I, the wording was not what a 15 year old boy would say**** I told *him* that it was really not any concern of theirs what I did with the ring. I also told him not to worry, if he and the other kids needed any help, I would do what I could, and also told him agin, not to worry as Im sure the bald dude(my really quick replacement) would marry her! Havent heard a thing since and Im happy as hell.

Sucks, and same... .I got the ring and car back, but a few days into it I got a text from the brother saying oh she's saying nice things about you, she's gonna talk to you soon just give it time, you should get the ring resized (I did for almost 4 figures ) and be ready to give it to her you'll be back by Thanksgiving... .Nothing since. At first I made an effort to make my presence known on social media now I just leave it all off.

[Lion Fire]

In my case, I set a strict NC almost 5 months ago. She tried to contact me several times in the first 2 months but I guess she got bored/ distracted and gave up. I haven't heard from her in 3 months now. Time and distance have certainly healed. I feel the cycle has ended for me and I'm free again. That said, I still don't want anything to do with her. Ever.

[Raybo48]

just received a text from my exBPD. it's odd, because the other day i was thinking he was the bridge-burner BPD that i'd never hear from again.

seeing his text pop-up on my phone made my heart race and body shake.

does this ever end?

It's hard to convince me they are 100% bridge-burners.  Every time I told myself my ex would never contact me again she did.  The longest she went was about 5 months and at that time I was totally convinced I was in the clear, but no.

I completely understand where you are coming from with your heart racing and body shaking.  When my ex called twice a few weeks ago my anxiety shot through the roof and my heart was racing for some time. 

I think there are several factors, but it all comes down to who is giving them supply at any given moment.  If they are not getting enough or if there is a substance involved on that particular day then I think all bets are off.   My BPDxgf is famous for reaching out to many ex boyfriends while she's on drinking binges.  She used to tell me they were calling her, but it didn't take long to figure out that was a lie. 

[Chasing_Ghosts]

The most we went was 3 months. Though this was pre recycle. Since the recycle the longest has been 3 weeks. But lately she cant go a little over a week w/o contacting me.

[DangIthurts]

The most we went was 3 months. Though this was pre recycle. Since the recycle the longest has been 3 weeks. But lately she cant go a little over a week w/o contacting me.

I wish my exBPDgf's ex boyfriend wasn't such a MAJOR MAJOR ahole, otherwise I'd call him and ask him how his on and offs went with her... So I had some insight if he went "oh yeah wait 2 months" or if I'm again special... .Granted everyone who I've talked to said she adored him, and I was never treated as bad (strange since I was genuine and more giving than I'd been my entire life or any other prior gf/fiance)

just received a text from my exBPD. it's odd, because the other day i was thinking he was the bridge-burner BPD that i'd never hear from again.

seeing his text pop-up on my phone made my heart race and body shake.

does this ever end?

It's hard to convince me they are 100% bridge-burners.  Every time I told myself my ex would never contact me again she did.  The longest she went was about 5 months and at that time I was totally convinced I was in the clear, but no.

I completely understand where you are coming from with your heart racing and body shaking.  When my ex called twice a few weeks ago my anxiety shot through the roof and my heart was racing for some time. 

I think there are several factors, but it all comes down to who is giving them supply at any given moment.  If they are not getting enough or if there is a substance involved on that particular day then I think all bets are off.   My BPDxgf is famous for reaching out to many ex boyfriends while she's on drinking binges.  She used to tell me they were calling her, but it didn't take long to figure out that was a lie. 

I agree... .I think as long as the attention pool is flush they don't care but at least mine refused to respond to "I'm grateful for the new experiences you gave me thats fine I'm not the one it happens, I think you can do amazing things in life" Most people who were officially done would have said yup, thanks you too and thats full cut contact... .But not responding its never officially over... .And to the fact all the things she refused to return aside from the major ticket purchases, which I'm sure she was simply obligated to to ... .But not returning that stuff again means its never 100% done, and the fact that she still uses something regularly I gave her that I've seen on social media (not that I've looked I've been good)

I think it really depends on what attention they're getting and mine's pool is full of guys If it stagnates, or runs its course I think by not ever officially ending it on her part it allows a shot in 3 months, 1 year, 5 years to always snoop back around and check... .

Although I have my doubts, I'm as lucky as you all are that you guys made enough of an impact on them for them to come back around.

[pieceofme]

raybo, i am beginning to rethink my bridge-burner theory. i took what he said in his last rage to heart and assumed that was that! it is hard for me to understand the "emotional amnesia" that later occurs.

this is the longest i've gone NC. he text me twice after about a week. i had a few mysterious phone calls (from random numbers - i know he has a fake number generator app) one day about three weeks in. nothing since, until today.

what i can't get over is how much anxiety and stress this single text has caused me! part of me worries (and is also sad) to think that me ignoring him will just prove to him that i "never cared" (which he accused me of this repeatedly, at the end of our r/s - after he cheated, mind you). nevertheless, i'm not tempted at all to respond. i'm hoping he will get the hint and go away.

[Raybo48]

raybo, i am beginning to rethink my bridge-burner theory. i took what he said in his last rage to heart and assumed that was that! it is hard for me to understand the "emotional amnesia" that later occurs.

this is the longest i've gone NC. he text me twice after about a week. i had a few mysterious phone calls (from random numbers - i know he has a fake number generator app) one day about three weeks in. nothing since, until today.

what i can't get over is how much anxiety and stress this single text has caused me! part of me worries (and is also sad) to think that me ignoring him will just prove to him that i "never cared" (which he accused me of this repeatedly, at the end of our r/s - after he cheated, mind you). nevertheless, i'm not tempted at all to respond. i'm hoping he will get the hint and go away.

I really like the 'emotional amnesia' statement, so true.  Whatever went down before NC is always foremost in my mind, but not my BPDxgf. That's because the reason for her call or text is 100% self-serving and has nothing to do with me so I think you need to realize that too. 

I really wouldn't worry about anything that he may think by ignoring him. If that's what you decide to do you are choosing to retain your power over the situation and the minute you respond you are giving that up, at least that's how I look  at it.   I never found that my BPDxgf took many hints because like you said they have emotional amnesia so she would never bring up anything I did when she tried to reestablish contact.   

Yea, it took me a day or two to get over two calls with no vm and a text.  It really jacked me way up... .I think I've progressed since then so if and when it happens again I don't think I'll be as phased.

[DangIthurts]

raybo, i am beginning to rethink my bridge-burner theory. i took what he said in his last rage to heart and assumed that was that! it is hard for me to understand the "emotional amnesia" that later occurs.

this is the longest i've gone NC. he text me twice after about a week. i had a few mysterious phone calls (from random numbers - i know he has a fake number generator app) one day about three weeks in. nothing since, until today.

what i can't get over is how much anxiety and stress this single text has caused me! part of me worries (and is also sad) to think that me ignoring him will just prove to him that i "never cared" (which he accused me of this repeatedly, at the end of our r/s - after he cheated, mind you). nevertheless, i'm not tempted at all to respond. i'm hoping he will get the hint and go away.

Same I blew on mine over canceling when getting my hopes up so many times, even after the breakup... I was wrong and apologized later that night... .But as I was blowing up via text about canceling and hurting people, she said your crazy, I'm getting a restraining order never talk to me again.

But the two times we had to break NC, the final one she said text me whenever... .So I don't think those things are taken to heart, heck if they can back off that so quickly I can only imagine the relationship we had thats been twisted around via coping.

I think it all comes back to if they are satisfied with their attention pools... .Mine hated where she was in life, but now is seemingly living it up like everything I'd heard her complain about doesn't exist.

[Raybo48]

raybo, i am beginning to rethink my bridge-burner theory. i took what he said in his last rage to heart and assumed that was that! it is hard for me to understand the "emotional amnesia" that later occurs.

this is the longest i've gone NC. he text me twice after about a week. i had a few mysterious phone calls (from random numbers - i know he has a fake number generator app) one day about three weeks in. nothing since, until today.

what i can't get over is how much anxiety and stress this single text has caused me! part of me worries (and is also sad) to think that me ignoring him will just prove to him that i "never cared" (which he accused me of this repeatedly, at the end of our r/s - after he cheated, mind you). nevertheless, i'm not tempted at all to respond. i'm hoping he will get the hint and go away.

Same I blew on mine over canceling when getting my hopes up so many times, even after the breakup... I was wrong and apologized later that night... .But as I was blowing up via text about canceling and hurting people, she said your crazy, I'm getting a restraining order never talk to me again.

But the two times we had to break NC, the final one she said text me whenever... .So I don't think those things are taken to heart, heck if they can back off that so quickly I can only imagine the relationship we had thats been twisted around via coping.

I think it all comes back to if they are satisfied with their attention pools... .Mine hated where she was in life, but now is seemingly living it up like everything I'd heard her complain about doesn't exist.

The last contact I had from my ex she threatened a restraining order too, that was a week after she wanted me to rescue her and she "thought about me every day and loved me".

As I've been told on these boards many times after telling my story I'll tell you.  Never take what they say about RS with a grain of salt. Many people on her have been wrongly accused and have had bogus RS put on them by their pbdx.  You can't ever outthink these people so you can never be too cautious.  They are extremely unpredictable and have zero impulse control over their emotions when they feel they are being wronged in some way.  They will not be the slightest bit phased if they file a restraining order.  Even if it doesn't stick it's not worth the hassle.

[DangIthurts]

The last contact I had from my ex she threatened a restraining order too, that was a week after she wanted me to rescue her and she "thought about me every day and loved me".

Oh yeah I don't doubt it feeds the victim roll. Same as you just the weekend prior I was getting called babe, planning events, looking to work things out... .Poof now I need a restraining order over being canceled on for the 100th millionth time

I know for a fact mine has not been in an amicable split at all, so I'm curious of that resinates at all that just like I wasn't like anyone else she'd had before, maybe not being an ahole after being broken up is worth anything ... .Not that I've been contacted at all and both times since have made me regret reaching out... .I digress, Friday will be the longest amount of time we've ever gone without speaking so idk... I just know I have no idea why I feel so bad, not even really for me... .I feel bad that she had someone that genuinely wasn't looking to hurt her and now she's back out there amongst the users that had frequented her life so much. Granted she'll survive like they all do, but I just can't help but think it was pretty much all right there for her (not that I'm perfect ) and it still wasn't good enough.

[pieceofme]

raybo, i am beginning to rethink my bridge-burner theory. i took what he said in his last rage to heart and assumed that was that! it is hard for me to understand the "emotional amnesia" that later occurs.

this is the longest i've gone NC. he text me twice after about a week. i had a few mysterious phone calls (from random numbers - i know he has a fake number generator app) one day about three weeks in. nothing since, until today.

what i can't get over is how much anxiety and stress this single text has caused me! part of me worries (and is also sad) to think that me ignoring him will just prove to him that i "never cared" (which he accused me of this repeatedly, at the end of our r/s - after he cheated, mind you). nevertheless, i'm not tempted at all to respond. i'm hoping he will get the hint and go away.

I really like the 'emotional amnesia' statement, so true.  Whatever went down before NC is always foremost in my mind, but not my BPDxgf. That's because the reason for her call or text is 100% self-serving and has nothing to do with me so I think you need to realize that too.  

I really wouldn't worry about anything that he may think by ignoring him. If that's what you decide to do you are choosing to retain your power over the situation and the minute you respond you are giving that up, at least that's how I look  at it.   I never found that my BPDxgf took many hints because like you said they have emotional amnesia so she would never bring up anything I did when she tried to reestablish contact.  

Yea, it took me a day or two to get over two calls with no vm and a text.  It really jacked me way up... .I think I've progressed since then so if and when it happens again I don't think I'll be as phased.

i agree 100% that what went down is always in the forefront of my mind. i highly doubt if my ex even remembers the things he said to me in his last rages   sadly, i also doubt if i ever forget.

you are right - my first thought when i received his text is, "oh, what does he want now?" because i am positively certain he doesn't give a ___ about "how things have been for me."

I think it all comes back to if they are satisfied with their attention pools... .Mine hated where she was in life, but now is seemingly living it up like everything I'd heard her complain about doesn't exist.

i did wonder if he was having a problem with his new supply (gf). after he text me, i looked at his social media and saw he posted some lovey, but VERY oddly worded, BS to her (a few hours after i had ignored him). so who knows! still not curious enough to answer him!

The most we went was 3 months. Though this was pre recycle. Since the recycle the longest has been 3 weeks. But lately she cant go a little over a week w/o contacting me.

are you NC? or do you answer her?

[777Alex777]

This is a difficult topic for me. My exBPDwife initiated the separation, but insisted on constant contact. I tried to establish barriers, it was hard. And the worst part was she wanted the sep, I didn't. I still love her very much even after 9 months apart and 1400 miles. I finally tried a relationship down here, and when she found out about it she went bat ___ crazy (even though she was on her 3rd boy friend) and called, wrote, texted all the time all night. found out who the gf I had was and ruined that by calling and contacting her all the time. I finally just stopped responding to anything and everything.

I got what I wanted, she left me alone, and moved on. honestly, I didn't want her to move on. I wanted her to still love me and want to be with me. But I knew after everything that had happened, it was just more fuel to make me a horrible trigger for her. She recently, about 3 weeks ago, tried desperately to get me to come home. She talked me into, and my two sons into it. I started making preparations to travel 1400 miles back home, talking to her late every night, even having sexual phone conversations, her telling me she loved me, missing me, then after a few days, she abruptly blocked me on FB, blocked my phone # and I got a bunch of death threat emails from some guy she apparently was dating saying he was with her now and he would kill me if I came back. I could not get her to answer emails, calls, anything.

It broke my heart all over again, and my kids hearts. Now I just ignore her. I am not ever falling for that again.

She took everything from me, but the worst thing I let her take was my dignity. and that will NEVER happen again. ever.

I want to go back in time, and be with her back then when things were good, but I can't and I do not like the boozed up drug using skank she has become now. I can't save her, and I don't want to watch her ruin her life and her daughter I helped raise for 5 years. I just want it all to go away. and stay gone. Then in a week or so something will set me off and her not contacting me will hurt for a while. its a cycle just like the relationship was. But I am trying.

[pieceofme]

777alex777, i relate to a lot of what you wrote, especially the abrupt silence. i have witnessed my ex - literally from one minute to the next, while in my presence! - paint me black. it is hard to wrap my head around how quickly his feelings change. and doesn't he himself realize that's not normal?

i struggle with the same - longing for the good times, but simultaneously wanting my ex to go away forever! i see that as finally being able to protect myself.