Why am I missing her so much even though she was terrible

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My mind is my own worst enemy. The loneliness and pain is really settling in. I was doing good but now I can't stop thinking of her. Only been 2 months since breakup/NC and I am feeling worse today than I did in a long time. I miss her A lot. It doesn't help that I am always alone.

She is veryyy selfish, self centered, angry, b**chy, whiny, annoying, depressing, emotional, unstable, immature, childish and yet I am missing her so much. Why in the world am I missing the great parts of her and not these? I had so many moments throughout the last year when I just wanted to LEAVE her, but she seemed to NEED me more than anything else in the world. I seemed to be the center of her universe and she said she couldn't live without me so I didn't leave, we made up….like always.

Now she is gone. I am alone. She doesn't even care about the damage she has done, nor thinks about me. Yet I sit here all  day thinking of her. The last time she contacted me it was all about her. The selfishness crushed me.

I haven't cried since a month ago and just today I started to tear up, I am more emotional than normal. She is moved on with her life and is enjoying the hell out of it. I was doing well by putting myself back together but the wound is opened up again and hurting like hell.

She will never contact me again. She will never run out of supply because of her very attractive looks (always had guys falling for her). Our relationship was just a small blink of an eye to her.

[antonio1213]

My mind is my own worst enemy. The loneliness and pain is really settling in. I was doing good but now I can't stop thinking of her. Only been 2 months since breakup/NC and I am feeling worse today than I did in a long time. I miss her A lot. It doesn't help that I am always alone.

She is veryyy selfish, self centered, angry, b**chy, whiny, annoying, depressing, emotional, unstable, immature, childish and yet I am missing her so much. Why in the world am I missing the great parts of her and not these? I had so many moments throughout the last year when I just wanted to LEAVE her, but she seemed to NEED me more than anything else in the world. I seemed to be the center of her universe and she said she couldn't live without me so I didn't leave, we made up….like always.

Now she is gone. I am alone. She doesn't even care about the damage she has done, nor thinks about me. Yet I sit here all  day thinking of her. The last time she contacted me it was all about her. The selfishness crushed me.

I haven't cried since a month ago and just today I started to tear up, I am more emotional than normal. She is moved on with her life and is enjoying the hell out of it. I was doing well by putting myself back together but the wound is opened up again and hurting like hell.

She will never contact me again. She will never run out of supply because of her very attractive looks (always had guys falling for her). Our relationship was just a small blink of an eye to her.

[Targeted]

Is it possible you miss her for the same reason why I miss mine?

She blew a ton of smoke up your ass telling you how amazing you are and that you are her soulmate and she has been Waiting her whole life to meet me somebody just like you who finally understands how Broken she is and how much love she needs?  And she made you feel good  because out of all the man she met you are different? And all you got in return for all of your giving of real human needs was mind blowing sex and hatred? 

My biggest thing is the word " soulmate" now!   If I ever hear a girl say that word again I will run with fire blowing out the back of my sneakers!

[antonio1213]

Is it possible you miss her for the same reason why I miss mine?

She blew a ton of smoke up your ass telling you how amazing you are and that you are her soulmate and she has been Waiting her whole life to meet me somebody just like you who finally understands how Broken she is and how much love she needs?  And she made you feel good  because out of all the man she met you are different? And all you got in return for all of your giving of real human needs was mind blowing sex and hatred? 

My biggest thing is the word " soulmate" now!   If I ever hear a girl say that word again I will run with fire blowing out the back of my sneakers!

It is scary how much that sounds just like what happened. "Soulmate" "best friend" "only person who understands and gets me" "can't live without you". Smoke right up my ass. And now she just left me and I feel like absolute ___.

She has no remorse, and has completely completely split me black. She doesn't hate me but she doesn't give a sh** about me anymore and wants to keep me around for selfish reasons.

[Targeted]

Yup, but when their threatened with you staying away and being done isn't it amazing how they try to turn the G out of FOG back on and guilt you into another good deed?

[Targeted]

SOULMATE my ass!

TEMPMATE is more truthful!

[pieceofme]

Now she is gone. I am alone. She doesn't even care about the damage she has done, nor thinks about me. Yet I sit here all  day thinking of her. The last time she contacted me it was all about her. The selfishness crushed me.

I haven't cried since a month ago and just today I started to tear up, I am more emotional than normal. She is moved on with her life and is enjoying the hell out of it. I was doing well by putting myself back together but the wound is opened up again and hurting like hell.

i am 7.5 weeks NC, so almost two months, as well. i have found the past two weeks exceptionally difficult. the sadness and depression is heavy and over-whelming. i miss my ex so much... .yet he's out living his life with his new gf, not bothering to see or care the destruction he left in his path.

just know you're not alone

[antonio1213]

Now she is gone. I am alone. She doesn't even care about the damage she has done, nor thinks about me. Yet I sit here all  day thinking of her. The last time she contacted me it was all about her. The selfishness crushed me.

I haven't cried since a month ago and just today I started to tear up, I am more emotional than normal. She is moved on with her life and is enjoying the hell out of it. I was doing well by putting myself back together but the wound is opened up again and hurting like hell.

i am 7.5 weeks NC, so almost two months, as well. i have found the past two weeks exceptionally difficult. the sadness and depression is heavy and over-whelming. i miss my ex so much... .yet he's out living his life with his new gf, not bothering to see or care the destruction he left in his path.

just know you're not alone

Thank you :} Heres a hug for u too  !

I know the pain all too well. The last two weeks have been very difficult for me too. I was doing just fine for a little while than 2 weeks ago all these feelings came flooding back to me. Especially today. My ex is out "exploring" as she put it so I can only imagine what she is doing right now. Very painful. Not even a moments consideration for what she did and the incredible damage she has done.

This website helps though. Its great to have people like you on here who are going through the same thing (especially the same time period). It is terrible but seeing other people talk about it and go through the same thing is comforting

[pieceofme]

Now she is gone. I am alone. She doesn't even care about the damage she has done, nor thinks about me. Yet I sit here all  day thinking of her. The last time she contacted me it was all about her. The selfishness crushed me.

I haven't cried since a month ago and just today I started to tear up, I am more emotional than normal. She is moved on with her life and is enjoying the hell out of it. I was doing well by putting myself back together but the wound is opened up again and hurting like hell.

i am 7.5 weeks NC, so almost two months, as well. i have found the past two weeks exceptionally difficult. the sadness and depression is heavy and over-whelming. i miss my ex so much... .yet he's out living his life with his new gf, not bothering to see or care the destruction he left in his path.

just know you're not alone

Thank you :} Heres a hug for u too  !

I know the pain all too well. The last two weeks have been very difficult for me too. I was doing just fine for a little while than 2 weeks ago all these feelings came flooding back to me. Especially today. My ex is out "exploring" as she put it so I can only imagine what she is doing right now. Very painful. Not even a moments consideration for what she did and the incredible damage she has done.

This website helps though. Its great to have people like you on here who are going through the same thing (especially the same time period). It is terrible but seeing other people talk about it and go through the same thing is comforting

i was actually "excited" (for lack of better word, ) to see your post because i've been trying to figure out why this two month mark has been giving me such grief. maybe the reality (or finality) is starting to set it? i don't know.

my ex contacted me yesterday (for the first time since i was one week NC) and it sent me spiraling. this never seems to get easier.

you mention your ex is "exploring" - how do you know this? are you looking at her social media?

[Targeted]

Antonio and pieceofme,

IM a little over four months out, in my experience so far I found that even limited contact only keeps your wound open longer.  I can say that because I did it, The first and second month was a emotional hell for me, even knowing she has a problem I felt like a failure because I failed to someone who was in need, not to mention the normal feelings of losing someone you loved, The limited contact as well as trying to find out what they're doing or who they are with or thinking now you have more knowledge about this and you may be able to turn a recycle into a good relationship Will keep the third month just as bad for you, it did for me!   Now that I am passed the four-month mark this is when it starts to change for me, because I stopped reading her bogus emails and have them sent right to the trash I can feel myself on the road to feeling like I did before all of this abuse, it is quite liberating to feel once again like you matter even if for the moment it is only to yourself!  I cannot say that I do not think about her because I do, I broke down and cried recently just as you explained, but in the fourth month for me it was very short lived and I realised I was not having a moment because I was missing her so much any more, it was more of that  everything is getting clearer as the confusion goes away and I was upset with myself for allowing this to happen to me, The moment was very brief also because I cannot stay mad at myself for treating somebody better than they deserved.  Once that realisation hit,  everything changed.

I can only guess that your both May still entertain messages and hold a little hope somewhere in the third month as I did? I think that's normal for us non's, but it did not make me feel any better. So hang in there until month four! It got better for me here,  are you can just decide to block them out of your life and skip a month like I wish I did?  Good luck And please come back to this post and let us know how you are doing in the fourth month.

[antonio1213]

Pieceofme: I know she is exploring because that is what she told me when she was packing up her stuff. She told me she was going to "explore" and didn't want boundaries. And I know what kind of girl she is, very extroverted, pretty and people are naturally attracted to her because of her personality and looks.  I stopped checking her social media, I deleted her from faebook and deleted her message she sent me over it. Been full NC since day 1 and going to try to keep it that way.

Caresaboutsomeonelikethis: Thank you for your insight. I seem to be going through a roller coaster of emotions just like my ex did. I will be fine one moment, then terrible the next. Some days I am on top of the world, and others I feel the full blow of the relationship ending and obsess over it. My weekend starts today so it'll defiantly be a long, boring, hurtful one like they all are.

I am determined to make it to the 4 month mark. I am technically only a week or so from the 2 month mark but I consider it to be there.

And I hear what you are saying about NC and it opening up the wounds. My birthday is next week and I am afraid of her contacting me. I feel like it will hurt if she does but it will also hurt equally as bad if not worse if she doesn't. I stopped looking at old text conversations and what was said because her actions don't match her words at all. She would say one thing but clearly doesn't mean what she is saying. And they always involve her like centered around her.

[Targeted]

Happy birthday Antonio.

I must've miss read and you are doing much better on the NC then I did!

I hope my fourth month comes early for you, I found for me that it was very tough to muster up any kind of motivation to get off of my butt and do something that I like to do, even if it was just visit a friend, or go for a ride on my motorcycle, there was quite some time I could not even do that! i literally had to force myself to do things in the third month which now in hindsight sped up the process of feeling better,

[kentavr3]

Read books on BPD behavioral instead of thinking about them. See therapist. Try to build your own support circle of friends. Remember, that BPD chooses only those who can do what they want to do. Overs who don’t do, aren’t not a choice for BPD. BPD smells good your weak self-esteem and put you in FOG. They leave first that is why so much pain. Time will treat everything. You have to work on this. Do not stay in their chaos. Only strong can stay alive. Try Al Anon support groups around your area. BPD woman makes your fool that she was only women in the Earth. Try to talk to other women. Date them. Go to dating web pages. If you still feel bad go to gym, swimming pool. Work out until you tired. BPD has no mercy, no compassion, no forgiveness. They focus on themselves only. You probably have a low self-esteem. Take care about yourself. Write your feelings. David Burn books.  I’m going through this too.