Today I left work with a migraine and on my way home, found out that one of my friends committed suicide. Now this wasn't my ex, but it made me think of her and here's why.
She used to threaten/attempt suicide on a regular basis when we lived together. I lived in constant fear that she'd actually do it and molded my entire existence around keeping her safe. I really thought she was going to hurl herself off the roof or take too many pills or cut her wrists or any number of things she threatened to do. But after finding out she has BPD and reading about all of the symptoms and stats, like how only about 10% of BPDs actually go through with it, I look back on all of this differently.
How DARE she use threats and attempts at suicide as a manipulation and bargaining tool against me! Suicide is a serious thing. Some people have serious depression and feel like they can't go on anymore and they actually go through with it. They don't toy with people's emotions hoping they won't abandon them. It makes me sick.
My friend who died was a really awesome person... .he was very successful in his career, he had tons of friends who loved him! He'd always arrange events and dinners and invite everyone. He seemed happy. He loved my dog and always said he was her biggest fan
Anyway... .I will miss him.
