Advice on how to deal with anger over my replacement

[krinaker]

Hello everybody,

I was wondering if anybody can offer some insight on how to deal with the anger caused by images and memories of a BPD ex flirting with what I am pretty sure will be (or already is) my replacement soon in front of my eyes.

I went completely NC less than a week ago but I am struggling to deal with my rage and obssesive thinking. I realized about the flirting months ago but let my ego crush the possibility telling myself that she could never take seriously a restaurant waiter (while I am a succesful PhD scientist). I know this sounds terrible, and I am not the kind of person that descriminates  people based on professions or academic credentials. It is my ego resenting the fact that I was tricked during months into believing that we could recycle the relationship while she was already hunting for my replacement in front of my eyes.

I really want to remain NC permanently, partially because I know I would discharge all my rage on her and attempt to destroy her as she did. And also out of self-survival since I know if I see it it would just prolong my pain.

I appreciate any advice, thank you all.

I also have an intro post with the whole story if anybody is interested.

[guy4caligirl]

Just think of it this way you know how you feel now ?

It will soon happen to him also no question asked  we will welcome him shortly on this site .

So I hope it did help u out for them it's a vicious game they suck your emotional out and drop you like nothing yes nothing.

And guess what They don't even care how you were left in agony but they know that though .

[Deeno02]

Hello everybody,

I was wondering if anybody can offer some insight on how to deal with the anger caused by images and memories of a BPD ex flirting with what I am pretty sure will be (or already is) my replacement soon in front of my eyes.

I went completely NC less than a week ago but I am struggling to deal with my rage and obssesive thinking. I realized about the flirting months ago but let my ego crush the possibility telling myself that she could never take seriously a restaurant waiter (while I am a succesful PhD scientist). I know this sounds terrible, and I am not the kind of person that descriminates  people based on professions or academic credentials. It is my ego resenting the fact that I was tricked during months into believing that we could recycle the relationship while she was already hunting for my replacement in front of my eyes.

I really want to remain NC permanently, partially because I know I would discharge all my rage on her and attempt to destroy her as she did. And also out of self-survival since I know if I see it it would just prolong my pain.

I appreciate any advice, thank you all.

I also have an intro post with the whole story if anybody is interested.

I know its painful, I know it hurts but you have to realize its not your problem anymore. Im 3 months in and I realize what was done to me and while Im hurt, I will get better, she wont. And I dont care either... .her choice. She has to live with it. I dont.

[thatwasthat]

I think it is different for everybody, but I will tell you how it is/was for me.

In the beginning I couldn't care less about the replacement because I was still deep in the FOG, thinking what we had was oh so special and that I am so accepting of her illness and yadayadayada.

After some time anger kicked in. BUT there is one simple fact:

It won't go over well. Period.

As bad as this may be. But this is what I used to get over this bump. And I actually told her so. The last time we spoke some months ago she raged and told me to "don't even think of doing anything to him. We both know you have a bad temper and are capable of everything." What a load of bull___. I think she was just panicked that I might contact him and tell him that she's actually married and was still telling me I was the love of her life while using my money to move across the country and in with him etc. All things he doesn't even have a clue about. My answer was:

"I don't have to do anything. Granted I am mad at him... .but you will handle that for me. You will hurt him much more than I ever could. And you won't be able to keep yourself from doing that."  

That pretty much sent her over the edge.

The point is:

He's not important. He's just a meat puppet. He will suffer the same fate as you did.

And if he's not the type of guy to fall for it... .he will dump her as soon as she starts showing her true colors.

But the best part is: You don't even have to care. It's none of your business anymore.

Allow yourself to be angry, it will go over. And you will reach the point of not even caring.

You will be dating nice, kind and interesting women while she will go through this unhealthy and destructive cycle for the rest of her life.

[clydegriffith]

You should just see it as someone taking a problem off your back.

I hold zero replament for my latest replacement (i think we're on 4 or 5 now) as he's probably a good dude that's being used as a slave by the monster that is the BPDx.

[OutOfEgypt]

I would love to give you a magic pill that would make it all go away, but there isn't one.  It hurts.  Being rejected and replaced with someone else hurts, and that hurt causes anger.  And that anger sees injustice.  An injustice was done.  That is normal.

This is the process of letting go, for you.  In time you will see that you must let go of HER life in order to have YOUR life.  You cannot have it both ways.  This board is littered with people posting about their exes.  We're constantly stuck on them, even after the relationship is over.  Though the anger is healthy and necessary at the beginning, to find out voice and face the grief and pain of what we went through, it can turn into a kind of brooding... .an unhealthy way to bitterly hold onto them.  But I'll say it again, because it is a lesson I still return to:  the faster we let go of them, their life, what they think, etc., the faster we will embrace our life and find peace and contentment and healing.

But don't rush yourself.  There is no formula.  It is a journey.  But you will reach a place where you start to notice (or other people notice) that your constant fixation on them is a hindrance to the furthering of your life and relationships.

[krinaker]

Thanks everyone for your kind and thoughtful responses.

I think OutOfEgypt summarized it all: I am stuck. As a matter of fact, I have been stuck for two years... .I have recycled this relationship twice and was pushing for a third one before she gave me the cold shoulder and rubbed my replacement on my face.

If anything, my anger is also directed towards myself since I was the one that reached out the two times we recycled the relationship... .it would be unfair to claim she was the one pushing or trying to contact me. At this point it is clear to me I am a codependent so I am trying to find tools and resources to shift my attention from HER condition (which as many of you said is no longer my problem) to MY own issues so I can work on myself first.

It hurts a lot tough, specially after putting up with so much lack of empathy, lies and plain disrespect.

[Deeno02]

Thanks everyone for your kind and thoughtful responses.

I think OutOfEgypt summarized it all: I am stuck. As a matter of fact, I have been stuck for two years... .I have recycled this relationship twice and was pushing for a third one before she gave me the cold shoulder and rubbed my replacement on my face.

If anything, my anger is also directed towards myself since I was the one that reached out the two times we recycled the relationship... .it would be unfair to claim she was the one pushing or trying to contact me. At this point it is clear to me I am a codependent so I am trying to find tools and resources to shift my attention from HER condition (which as many of you said is no longer my problem) to MY own issues so I can work on myself first.

It hurts a lot tough, specially after putting up with so much lack of empathy, lies and plain disrespect.

To put it simply, Therapy. Plus the beauty of this forum as well, but you need to get into therapy. Its been such a help. Also read the lessons on here as well. Theres so much to be learned.

[Forestaken]

Thanks everyone for your kind and thoughtful responses.

I think OutOfEgypt summarized it all: I am stuck. As a matter of fact, I have been stuck for two years... .I have recycled this relationship twice and was pushing for a third one before she gave me the cold shoulder and rubbed my replacement on my face.

If anything, my anger is also directed towards myself since I was the one that reached out the two times we recycled the relationship... .it would be unfair to claim she was the one pushing or trying to contact me. At this point it is clear to me I am a codependent so I am trying to find tools and resources to shift my attention from HER condition (which as many of you said is no longer my problem) to MY own issues so I can work on myself first.

It hurts a lot tough, specially after putting up with so much lack of empathy, lies and plain disrespect.

Frankly, you need to see the new person in their life as a blessing rather than a replacement.   I understand you're hurting but basically upset that someone is now in the jail cell you once occupied for years because you were released.

I never want to go back to her, she can have a millionaire boyfriend, I'm glad I'm free.

[OutOfEgypt]

If anything, my anger is also directed towards myself since I was the one that reached out the two times we recycled the relationship... .it would be unfair to claim she was the one pushing or trying to contact me.

]

It's okay to grieve when we see that we have remained in these destructive situations by our own choices, but rather than condemning yourself, use that anger to join your own side.  Be on your own side and let that propel you to learn from this.  Listen to what that anger and pain is saying.  It is saying, "Stay away!  Never go back!  It's time to be on my side, for once, and change my life."

[Tiepje3]

I know the feeling. But I was advised by someone into thinking that the replacement probably is as nice as you were, falling for someone who she/he doesn't know has a PD. She/he will believe the same lies as you did in the beginning, being swept of his/her feet. So don't think too bad about the replacement. He/she will probably be in the same situation you were in and will find out about the true nature of the BPD later on in life. Let it go. There is nothing you can do to change it, you can only accept it. You don't want to take someone back who cheated on you now do you? You deserve better than that! Keep going. Don't look back. Go right through the hurt and the pain. Time will heal. I'm NC now for almost two months, it is getting better and with better I mean: I'm not thinking of him every minute of the day. And I let go of thoughts of the replacement. She'll find out sooner or later anyway. Not my responsibility.

[krinaker]

Hello there, thanks again for all the input.

So the weekend is here and it has been only a week or so of no contact with my BPD ex. I am already feeling the anxiety building up regardless of all the wonderful material I have read here all day long.

My head understands and knows I made right decision... .but another part of me can't help but to keep thinking about her and wishing things were different. Since the day I severed our ties and blocked all contact I have had regular episodes of crying and despair, but somehow I've managed to get slightly better up to today. Since weekend means free time (even tough I was not sharing time with her at all over the weekends... .needless to say she lately got really busy likely due to the replacement) I am feeling anxious about getting home and spending time alone dealing with this. My fb account is deactivated, but I must admit the temptation to log in and see what she is up to is strong. Even worse, we have so many friends in common that I know once I decide to reactivate the account, even if I block her individually, it would be virtually impossible not to find random tagged posts of her and her friends. I will be moving soon out of the state, but it feels way to radical to me to eliminate absolutely all common acquiantences at this point. I'm not sure how to deal with that.

Any suggestion on how to control this anxiety?, and in the long term on how to deal with social media?

Thanks

[Deeno02]

Hello there, thanks again for all the input.

So the weekend is here and it has been only a week or so of no contact with my BPD ex. I am already feeling the anxiety building up regardless of all the wonderful material I have read here all day long.

My head understands and knows I made right decision... .but another part of me can't help but to keep thinking about her and wishing things were different. Since the day I severed our ties and blocked all contact I have had regular episodes of crying and despair, but somehow I've managed to get slightly better up to today. Since weekend means free time (even tough I was not sharing time with her at all over the weekends... .needless to say she lately got really busy likely due to the replacement) I am feeling anxious about getting home and spending time alone dealing with this. My fb account is deactivated, but I must admit the temptation to log in and see what she is up to is strong. Even worse, we have so many friends in common that I know once I decide to reactivate the account, even if I block her individually, it would be virtually impossible not to find random tagged posts of her and her friends. I will be moving soon out of the state, but it feels way to radical to me to eliminate absolutely all common acquiantences at this point. I'm not sure how to deal with that.

Any suggestion on how to control this anxiety?, and in the long term on how to deal with social media?

Thanks

Its rough. Not gonna sugar coat it. Stay NC and dont look. Stay occupied and stay busy, we all still have moments no matter how long its been. You did right. Stick to it and use the forum. Its gotten me through a lot.

[willtimeheal]

Hello there, thanks again for all the input.

So the weekend is here and it has been only a week or so of no contact with my BPD ex. I am already feeling the anxiety building up regardless of all the wonderful material I have read here all day long.

My head understands and knows I made right decision... .but another part of me can't help but to keep thinking about her and wishing things were different. Since the day I severed our ties and blocked all contact I have had regular episodes of crying and despair, but somehow I've managed to get slightly better up to today. Since weekend means free time (even tough I was not sharing time with her at all over the weekends... .needless to say she lately got really busy likely due to the replacement) I am feeling anxious about getting home and spending time alone dealing with this. My fb account is deactivated, but I must admit the temptation to log in and see what she is up to is strong. Even worse, we have so many friends in common that I know once I decide to reactivate the account, even if I block her individually, it would be virtually impossible not to find random tagged posts of her and her friends. I will be moving soon out of the state, but it feels way to radical to me to eliminate absolutely all common acquiantences at this point. I'm not sure how to deal with that.

Any suggestion on how to control this anxiety?, and in the long term on how to deal with social media?

Thanks

Weekends were the hardest for me. Even though we never spent time together when we were together ... .the weekends after the break up were the worst. They are still difficult but they are getting better. It does take time. As far as social media. I will be honest. I looked t my exes FB all the time. And then I finally saw the post that hurt me so deeply that I decided it was time to start moving on and letting go. She talked bout the replacement and how in love she is and how he has always been there. She talked about their family which used to be mine. It hurt so much... .I decided that I had wasted enough time. Six years was enough. I blocked everything and went NC. I am in my second month NC and it is a little easier. I don't think about her as much but she does still come into my mind. I still have a few bad days here and there but not as often as before. I am healing and I am getting better. So when people say it takes time they are right.

The hardest part for me is seeing her happy. If by some how she is happy with the replacement I some how failed. That is what I am struggling with. It scares me... .What if she doesn't have BPD and I was the problem in the relationship. I am in therapy and working on it. But it does scare me. What if this person does make her happy?  Was the problem me?  Maybe that's something we all struggle with coming out of these relationships. For me I want to see this replacement relationship go up in smoke sooner instead of later so I know I am not crazy. What if it never does?  Was I the crazy one? 

[Deeno02]

Hello there, thanks again for all the input.

So the weekend is here and it has been only a week or so of no contact with my BPD ex. I am already feeling the anxiety building up regardless of all the wonderful material I have read here all day long.

My head understands and knows I made right decision... .but another part of me can't help but to keep thinking about her and wishing things were different. Since the day I severed our ties and blocked all contact I have had regular episodes of crying and despair, but somehow I've managed to get slightly better up to today. Since weekend means free time (even tough I was not sharing time with her at all over the weekends... .needless to say she lately got really busy likely due to the replacement) I am feeling anxious about getting home and spending time alone dealing with this. My fb account is deactivated, but I must admit the temptation to log in and see what she is up to is strong. Even worse, we have so many friends in common that I know once I decide to reactivate the account, even if I block her individually, it would be virtually impossible not to find random tagged posts of her and her friends. I will be moving soon out of the state, but it feels way to radical to me to eliminate absolutely all common acquiantences at this point. I'm not sure how to deal with that.

Any suggestion on how to control this anxiety?, and in the long term on how to deal with social media?

Thanks

Weekends were the hardest for me. Even though we never spent time together when we were together ... .the weekends after the break up were the worst. They are still difficult but they are getting better. It does take time. As far as social media. I will be honest. I looked t my exes FB all the time. And then I finally saw the post that hurt me so deeply that I decided it was time to start moving on and letting go. She talked bout the replacement and how in love she is and how he has always been there. She talked about their family which used to be mine. It hurt so much... .I decided that I had wasted enough time. Six years was enough. I blocked everything and went NC. I am in my second month NC and it is a little easier. I don't think about her as much but she does still come into my mind. I still have a few bad days here and there but not as often as before. I am healing and I am getting better. So when people say it takes time they are right.

The hardest part for me is seeing her happy. If by some how she is happy with the replacement I some how failed. That is what I am struggling with. It scares me... .What if she doesn't have BPD and I was the problem in the relationship. I am in therapy and working on it. But it does scare me. What if this person does make her happy?  Was the problem me?  Maybe that's something we all struggle with coming out of these relationships. For me I want to see this replacement relationship go up in smoke sooner instead of later so I know I am not crazy. What if it never does?  Was I the crazy one? 

Smoke and mirrors. Thats their life. Oh, shes happy, for a little while. 6 months, 2 years, 15 or 20 years but it comes undone. We have people on here that have spent 15, 20, 30 years with a BPD. Dont let it get to you. As we say in the military, embrace the suck. It still bothers me, but it gets better. Slowly but surely you will come out on top. She wont.

[Popcorn71]

I don't think about her as much but she does still come into my mind. I still have a few bad days here and there but not as often as before. I am healing and I am getting better. So when people say it takes time they are right.

The hardest part for me is seeing her happy. If by some how she is happy with the replacement I some how failed. That is what I am struggling with. It scares me... .What if she doesn't have BPD and I was the problem in the relationship. I am in therapy and working on it. But it does scare me. What if this person does make her happy?  Was the problem me?  Maybe that's something we all struggle with coming out of these relationships. For me I want to see this replacement relationship go up in smoke sooner instead of later so I know I am not crazy. What if it never does?  Was I the crazy one? 

Thjis is exactly how I feel about my exBPDh.  I often wonder if it was me with the problem.  Him being happy seems to indicate that.

[gettingoverit]

Hello there, thanks again for all the input.

So the weekend is here and it has been only a week or so of no contact with my BPD ex. I am already feeling the anxiety building up regardless of all the wonderful material I have read here all day long.

My head understands and knows I made right decision... .but another part of me can't help but to keep thinking about her and wishing things were different. Since the day I severed our ties and blocked all contact I have had regular episodes of crying and despair, but somehow I've managed to get slightly better up to today. Since weekend means free time (even tough I was not sharing time with her at all over the weekends... .needless to say she lately got really busy likely due to the replacement) I am feeling anxious about getting home and spending time alone dealing with this. My fb account is deactivated, but I must admit the temptation to log in and see what she is up to is strong. Even worse, we have so many friends in common that I know once I decide to reactivate the account, even if I block her individually, it would be virtually impossible not to find random tagged posts of her and her friends. I will be moving soon out of the state, but it feels way to radical to me to eliminate absolutely all common acquiantences at this point. I'm not sure how to deal with that.

Any suggestion on how to control this anxiety?, and in the long term on how to deal with social media?

Thanks

Weekends were the hardest for me. Even though we never spent time together when we were together ... .the weekends after the break up were the worst. They are still difficult but they are getting better. It does take time. As far as social media. I will be honest. I looked t my exes FB all the time. And then I finally saw the post that hurt me so deeply that I decided it was time to start moving on and letting go. She talked bout the replacement and how in love she is and how he has always been there. She talked about their family which used to be mine. It hurt so much... .I decided that I had wasted enough time. Six years was enough. I blocked everything and went NC. I am in my second month NC and it is a little easier. I don't think about her as much but she does still come into my mind. I still have a few bad days here and there but not as often as before. I am healing and I am getting better. So when people say it takes time they are right.

The hardest part for me is seeing her happy. If by some how she is happy with the replacement I some how failed. That is what I am struggling with. It scares me... .What if she doesn't have BPD and I was the problem in the relationship. I am in therapy and working on it. But it does scare me. What if this person does make her happy?  Was the problem me?  Maybe that's something we all struggle with coming out of these relationships. For me I want to see this replacement relationship go up in smoke sooner instead of later so I know I am not crazy. What if it never does?  Was I the crazy one? 

Oh man, I totally understand where you are coming from. I was there for a long time, still am sometimes. The problem with these kinds of relationships is that in the end you always feel like some how it was your fault. They blame us for their unhappiness and we accept their crap as truth. Truth is, it is just a matter of time before your replacement feels the same kind of pain you are feeling now. It may take longer than with you, but that just tells you that the replacement is a bigger sucker and willing to put up with more bat ___ crazy.

Even if they last forever... .so what? There are people out there that stay in miserable marriages/relationships for decades. That doesn't mean you were at fault, it means those two people involved have serious issues. I understand how you feel, I feel rage from time to time too when I think about those lying backstabbing losers, but you know what, my ex is someone else's problem now. I am free to live my life the way I want without the crazy. Perhaps focusing on what you have gained is a better way to look at things. I got burned and I still carry the scar of what they both did to me, but you know what, when their relationship ruptures (it's just a matter of time), the pain and loss my replacement will go through will be much more extreme. Since they got married, my replacement will not only be emotionally and spiritually used and abused, they will lose half their ___ too. When I think about that, I realize I dodged a huge bullet. Sometimes Karma is a b*tch.

[seeking balance]

It hurts a lot tough, specially after putting up with so much lack of empathy, lies and plain disrespect.

You are right - it hurts and anger is the mask for hurt.  I wish there was a short cut or an easy button, but it takes time.

I let myself be angry in healthy ways - eventually, the dam breaks and the tears flow - the process repeats until it just doesn't any longer.  If it makes you feel better, I have not thought about my replacement with any emotion in quite a while - but it took some time to get there.

As much as this process sucks (it ain't pretty) - if you can give yourself the time, space and compassion to truly grieve and heal - you will be changed... .it is worth it.

Peace,

SB

[Deeno02]

It hurts a lot tough, specially after putting up with so much lack of empathy, lies and plain disrespect.

You are right - it hurts and anger is the mask for hurt.  I wish there was a short cut or an easy button, but it takes time.

I let myself be angry in healthy ways - eventually, the dam breaks and the tears flow - the process repeats until it just doesn't any longer.  If it makes you feel better, I have not thought about my replacement with any emotion in quite a while - but it took some time to get there.

As much as this process sucks (it ain't pretty) - if you can give yourself the time, space and compassion to truly grieve and heal - you will be changed... .it is worth it.

Peace,

SB

Plus, but not always, they know not what they are in for. Most are only going by what they are told, much like most of us on here. Its a shame. I was totally all in for her and her 5 kids.

[HostNoMore]

When we're fresh out of these or any relationships, it's very normal to have strong feelings about our replacements.

Over time, I really began to appreciate my replacement, and I think you will too eventually.  He was the one being cheated on, raged at, and push-pulled.  I even refused her twice on two re-engagement attempts with blatant offers of sex while she was with my replacement.  Whenever I'd get in that replacement hating mode, I think about what she was doing to him.  I feel sorry for my replacement now.  He may or may not still be enmeshed with her, but he has certainly paid a tremendous price as will your replacement.  You can take that to the Bank.

My NC and healing is so total after 3 years away from that wretched sociopath that I don't even have an idea of what she's doing, nor do I even care.  I'm sure it involves massive amounts of chaos and dysfunctionality though.

[Hawk Ridge]

My ego and my ruminating sometimes get the best of me.   She was with her previous partners 7 and 5 years, living with them. She discarded me after 1.5 years and we were only together on weekends and holidays.  She has been with my replacement 6 months, a complete downgrade, also a weekend/holiday arrangement. I am jealous yet I am moving more away from it to acceptance and a better life for me.  Crazy-making continues after the relationship too. As said in another post, making sense out of the nonsensical doesn't work.   

[krinaker]

Thanks again for all the comments so far, I really appreciate it.

Friday and Saturday have been very difficult. Last night I went out with some friends and ended up drinking a lot... .by the end of the night I was crying with an intensity I haven't experienced ever before. I was able to vent and I felt somehow better this morning, but as the day has progressed I feel I am slowly going back to the blue zone. Many things lurk in my head, specially flashbacks of many situations I tolerated and decided to ignore so I could remain connected to her.

There is one thing that keeps tormenting me: since I made the decision to go NC sharply and radically (blocked her from all devices and platforms) without offering any "final explanation" after the last painful episode I experienced with her (flirting with a restaurant waiter in front of my eyes and waiting until they closed to have a drink with him), I am struggling to figure out if I should at least send a final message explaining my decision and saying farewell (I am moving to the west coast) or if I should skip this since I feel it would set me to disappointment and further anxiety if she does not respond.

In my mind she did plenty of rude and negative things to push me away, so I should not feel compelled to have this final civilized gesture. But as you know in this case guilt is a powerful force that still pushes me to care about her feelings even if she did not show any care about mine.

Any suggestions?

[peiper]

I was hurt and angry too. I'm over it now. Two cheats getting together is doomed.  Plus I'm sure he's miserable by now if he's even still around. The best part is I'm getting to know a pretty lady that's a hundred times better, healthy and so pretty.

[Infared]

I don't think about her as much but she does still come into my mind. I still have a few bad days here and there but not as often as before. I am healing and I am getting better. So when people say it takes time they are right.

The hardest part for me is seeing her happy. If by some how she is happy with the replacement I some how failed. That is what I am struggling with. It scares me... .What if she doesn't have BPD and I was the problem in the relationship. I am in therapy and working on it. But it does scare me. What if this person does make her happy?  Was the problem me?  Maybe that's something we all struggle with coming out of these relationships. For me I want to see this replacement relationship go up in smoke sooner instead of later so I know I am not crazy. What if it never does?  Was I the crazy one?  

Thjis is exactly how I feel about my exBPDh.  I often wonder if it was me with the problem.  Him being happy seems to indicate that.

Yeah... .I struggled with this, too.  ... .but I have to remember I was with someone who told lies and manipulated and cheated.   The relationship had no chance, no matter what I did...   I do know that I was trusting, faithful and honest... .so no matter what... .I feel that I can still love me. It's her loss.

I agree with Peiper... .Two cheats getting together is just an ugly thing.

[Infared]

 

[willtimeheal]

I try to remember that she was telling me lies, cheating behind my back, and using me financially. Most days I am ok. It's the weekends... .they are torture. I have met someone and it seems "normal" but I am afraid that I don't know what normal is anymore. The constant lack of calls or texts make me wonder if they are in to me. She really damaged me.

As far as my replacement... .I would be lying if in said it doesn't bother me knowing that he is in her house her bed raising her kids... .That was suppose to be me. It still hurts.

[maric]

I would say don't contact her, not even to say goodbye.

I also moved away from my exGf's country and had the urge to contact her many many times before finally doing it. Luckily I hadn't. Later on, not contacting her gave me a little bit of "power", as I did not let her walk over me one more time.

Unfortunately, I did contact her some months later, replying an email that she sent me for my birthday. I tried to be civil. It did not worked on my benefit; we exchanged some emails where she told me that she was planning to MOVE to my country. At first it gave me hope again, but at the end, it only prolonged my suffering. In the last email I got from her, broke my heart again. She said that indeed, she's moving to Brazil (she's german) in 2015 BUT was so happy traveling with her boyfriend right now (my replacement). It still give me nightmares.

[Infared]

I try to remember that she was telling me lies, cheating behind my back, and using me financially. Most days I am ok. It's the weekends... .they are torture. I have met someone and it seems "normal" but I am afraid that I don't know what normal is anymore. The constant lack of calls or texts make me wonder if they are in to me. She really damaged me.

As far as my replacement... .I would be lying if in said it doesn't bother me knowing that he is in her house her bed raising her kids... .That was suppose to be me. It still hurts.

I still hurts for me, too... .years later. It destroyed me.  ... .but I just have had no anger toward my replacement. I was in a relationship with her. All in. She betrayed me, she lied. I have no idea what lies she told the new guy... .but I KNOW she told a ton of them. She lied to her family, her therapist and who ever she had to to manipulate the situation. She did the same thing to the guy before me with a married man.  I really don't have any anger at the new guy and my anger at her has ebbed... .all that is left is disgust and disrespect. I don't date anymore... .there is a lot of life out there without a relationship... .I just sit back and watch and laugh at all the nonsense that goes on. I'm done.