Closure comes from within yourself and you'll find it

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Some of you read my last thread about reaching out one final time to bid my exBPDgf goodbye.

I just wanted to let you know that it really helped me although I broke NC. No, I don’t want to encourage you to break NC.

NC really helped me a lot to detach and I wouldn’t recommend breaking it to say goodbye if you don’t really mean it and maybe try to get a reaction from your exBPD – we’ve all been there at some point. You have to be sure that you won’t feel hurt when they don’t respond or respond in a rude way, you don’t have to expect a (nice) reaction because it’s not about them anymore but about yourself. It is you closing the door because you want and need it - it doesn't matter what they do. Only then you should break NC or in my case I would say it didn’t even feel like breaking NC anymore because NC is a tool to detach and I don’t need that tool anymore. Therefore I’m not in NC anymore. Of course I won’t have any further contact with her but only because that’s how the story goes, the story is over and that’s it.

I needed to put out my last words to her. I needed to let her know that I will still remember her and that I wish her all the best. Not for her – I know she won’t really see it as that. But I needed to do it for me. I said goodbye and goodbye means goodbye. When I say goodbye I mean it. I’m not afraid of any recycling attempts, not even expecting them. Even if she’ll try I won’t be afraid of them. I said goodbye, I closed the door and she has no key to that door anymore. Because I'm the one in charge of my life and decisions, not her.

For all of you starting NC right now or being in NC very early: keep going. I know it hurts like ___ but it doesn't kill you. Even if you feel like killing yourself - just don't do it. Time will make you feel better!

[misty_red]

Some of you read my last thread about reaching out one final time to bid my exBPDgf goodbye.

I just wanted to let you know that it really helped me although I broke NC. No, I don’t want to encourage you to break NC.

NC really helped me a lot to detach and I wouldn’t recommend breaking it to say goodbye if you don’t really mean it and maybe try to get a reaction from your exBPD – we’ve all been there at some point. You have to be sure that you won’t feel hurt when they don’t respond or respond in a rude way, you don’t have to expect a (nice) reaction because it’s not about them anymore but about yourself. It is you closing the door because you want and need it - it doesn't matter what they do. Only then you should break NC or in my case I would say it didn’t even feel like breaking NC anymore because NC is a tool to detach and I don’t need that tool anymore. Therefore I’m not in NC anymore. Of course I won’t have any further contact with her but only because that’s how the story goes, the story is over and that’s it.

I needed to put out my last words to her. I needed to let her know that I will still remember her and that I wish her all the best. Not for her – I know she won’t really see it as that. But I needed to do it for me. I said goodbye and goodbye means goodbye. When I say goodbye I mean it. I’m not afraid of any recycling attempts, not even expecting them. Even if she’ll try I won’t be afraid of them. I said goodbye, I closed the door and she has no key to that door anymore. Because I'm the one in charge of my life and decisions, not her.

For all of you starting NC right now or being in NC very early: keep going. I know it hurts like ___ but it doesn't kill you. Even if you feel like killing yourself - just don't do it. Time will make you feel better!