Ruined dinner

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I own a duplex with my uBPDexbf, I live upstairs him downstairs. I had my 3 good friends coming over for dinner. Given uBPDex and I were together 12 years and was friend with them too I politely invited him because we were supposed to be "friendly" with each other. He refused the invite but said they could come say hi later on this evening. My friends arrived,  I cooked a delicious dinner and we had a good time talking about what's going on in our respective lives. At some point, I spoke about what is going on with the ex and how he had trouble dealing with the breakup, why I thought he's has BPD. I spoke about 15 minutes then we moved on to other topics. Well when my friend J. left to go home he decided to stop downstairs to say goodbye to my uBPDex, who started to yell at J. He says he had been listening to us talking about him (from his apartment downstairs). I don't know how he could have really heard what I said because I was speaking with a lower tone to prevent exactly that. In any case, a normal person would try to eavesdrop like that. What I think : I think he did that on purpose to ruin the evening for my friends and me and also possibly try to strain my relationship my them. I don't think he actually heard what I said but just went "fishing" with my friend J who fell into the trap and confirm some of tonight's conversation topics. He then called me and said "Thanks for making the last 12 years my life nothing" and kept on like that, I was so shocked I just hung up. Now I know I can't stay here anymore, even though I have a mortgage to pay on this duplex. Selling now will make me lose a lot a money but I just don't have the choice if I want to keep what's left of my sanity. One friend stayed over tonight and the other will let me stay in her apartment while she's going to see her family in Europe for a few months. I didn't want to leave my home, what makes me sad is that it will cause another source of stress for my pets who are like children to me. Tomorrow I'm going to change the locks (yeah I now see this should have been done before) I just feel like crying  :'(

[Scarlett2008]

I own a duplex with my uBPDexbf, I live upstairs him downstairs. I had my 3 good friends coming over for dinner. Given uBPDex and I were together 12 years and was friend with them too I politely invited him because we were supposed to be "friendly" with each other. He refused the invite but said they could come say hi later on this evening. My friends arrived,  I cooked a delicious dinner and we had a good time talking about what's going on in our respective lives. At some point, I spoke about what is going on with the ex and how he had trouble dealing with the breakup, why I thought he's has BPD. I spoke about 15 minutes then we moved on to other topics. Well when my friend J. left to go home he decided to stop downstairs to say goodbye to my uBPDex, who started to yell at J. He says he had been listening to us talking about him (from his apartment downstairs). I don't know how he could have really heard what I said because I was speaking with a lower tone to prevent exactly that. In any case, a normal person would try to eavesdrop like that. What I think : I think he did that on purpose to ruin the evening for my friends and me and also possibly try to strain my relationship my them. I don't think he actually heard what I said but just went "fishing" with my friend J who fell into the trap and confirm some of tonight's conversation topics. He then called me and said "Thanks for making the last 12 years my life nothing" and kept on like that, I was so shocked I just hung up. Now I know I can't stay here anymore, even though I have a mortgage to pay on this duplex. Selling now will make me lose a lot a money but I just don't have the choice if I want to keep what's left of my sanity. One friend stayed over tonight and the other will let me stay in her apartment while she's going to see her family in Europe for a few months. I didn't want to leave my home, what makes me sad is that it will cause another source of stress for my pets who are like children to me. Tomorrow I'm going to change the locks (yeah I now see this should have been done before) I just feel like crying  :'(

[Ceruleanblue]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. My husband just left last week, he won't tell me his diagnosis, but I'm almost positive it's BPD, but because I predicted it, he won't tell me. He was definitely diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Disorder, which to me, seems almost worst than BPD. He'll cop to that one, and last visit to his shrink he did mention BPD to me, but then changed his story. I put up with all his crap, then he leaves. These people are just unpredictable at times! Your ex bf did something you really didn't think he'd do. That seems to be a trait of all this. I'd think I had my husband figured out, then he'd totally surprise me, and not in a good way.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You didn't change the locks because you didn't think he'd do that. It would be nice if he would move out so you don't have to. Any chance of that happening? Could you possibly rent your part out, and get an apartment elsewhere? Maybe that way you would have to sell, and lose money? He probably felt invalidated, which is why he said "thanks for making the last 12 years of my life nothing". As an ex though, it's really not your job to have to validate his skewed feelings anymore? I spent a lot of time doing it when I was with my husband, but now that he's chosen to move out, why should I bother. He can think whatever he wants, he always did anyway.

Take care of YOU, and I hope you feel better. I know this all hurts. I'm really grieving myself, even though I should be rejoicing to get away from the craziness. I still loved him though, and had more faith in him than he had in himself. We can't wish these people better, or make them get help. Sometimes we just have to look out for us... .

[Scarlett2008]

Thanks Ceruleandblue, I understand how you feel, deep down inside I still love him too, he was not just my boyfriend he was my best friend. There goes the waterworks again  :'( I'm meeting with a financial adviser Friday in order to decide what will be my next step. I would like to buy again, this time ALONE   I will check different scenarios with the adviser. If it turns out I won't be able to buy something right now, I will rent my apartment to cover my part of the mortgage and go live somewhere else. It sucks doesn't it ? " We can't wish these people better, or make them get help. " I totally agree with you, because if wishes could cure, he would be ok. What I think right now is that he likes me trapped upstairs so he can make me suffer. Well I will put myself first and leave this toxic situation. Take care of yourself too, God knows it's difficult to live with a BPD but leaving is extra hard.