I feel emotionally violated

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi guys,

I cant take this anymore. Honestly. Just about when I find some peace and serenity and I think to myself theres nothing else left to happen it just does. Long story cut short, we broke up in the idealization phase and I held myself up and I did not beg or anything and a month went by where I did not attempt any contact. In the meantime he went back to his baby mama. After a month he pops up saying how he misses me and he is only there to see his child and bs of the sort. I was not replying at all and he kept calling 20 times a day saying how he keeps thinking of me and he loves me and im so beautiful.

I replied with some one word texts and then stopped hoping for the best. Suddently he dissapears, and then his baby mama starts calling me 10 times a day. It has reached the point I am scared to look at my phone, I cant relax into anything and I have horrible muscle stiffness on my shoulders because of tension. I made the mistake of picking up the phone to her and supposedly she said he told her everything and she just wanted to confirm I was a couple with him. I told her yes and that its over she has nth to worry about I have no clue what the heck is going on there and Im done. She was suggesting she has no clue where he is and that he isnt with her. MADNESS CENTRAL. I hung up wishing her all the best.

Just when I thought that I could relax, she starts calling again today and then after 1 minute he starts calling too  :'( Im scared she wants him to tell me that he loves her and ridicule me infront of her to save some face for her? I just cant take any more hurt from this situation. I WANT PEACE  :'( I could block his number but that means if he texts I will never ever know what he said. Should I do that? Im just scared I feel so vulnerable and ___ thinking he would actually do that to me and call to tell me that he doesnt love me and he never did which is so borderline-y I can almost see him doing it.

Thanks for your support everyone xx

[Nala88]

Hi guys,

I cant take this anymore. Honestly. Just about when I find some peace and serenity and I think to myself theres nothing else left to happen it just does. Long story cut short, we broke up in the idealization phase and I held myself up and I did not beg or anything and a month went by where I did not attempt any contact. In the meantime he went back to his baby mama. After a month he pops up saying how he misses me and he is only there to see his child and bs of the sort. I was not replying at all and he kept calling 20 times a day saying how he keeps thinking of me and he loves me and im so beautiful.

I replied with some one word texts and then stopped hoping for the best. Suddently he dissapears, and then his baby mama starts calling me 10 times a day. It has reached the point I am scared to look at my phone, I cant relax into anything and I have horrible muscle stiffness on my shoulders because of tension. I made the mistake of picking up the phone to her and supposedly she said he told her everything and she just wanted to confirm I was a couple with him. I told her yes and that its over she has nth to worry about I have no clue what the heck is going on there and Im done. She was suggesting she has no clue where he is and that he isnt with her. MADNESS CENTRAL. I hung up wishing her all the best.

Just when I thought that I could relax, she starts calling again today and then after 1 minute he starts calling too  :'( Im scared she wants him to tell me that he loves her and ridicule me infront of her to save some face for her? I just cant take any more hurt from this situation. I WANT PEACE  :'( I could block his number but that means if he texts I will never ever know what he said. Should I do that? Im just scared I feel so vulnerable and ___ thinking he would actually do that to me and call to tell me that he doesnt love me and he never did which is so borderline-y I can almost see him doing it.

Thanks for your support everyone xx

[thatwasthat]

Hey Nala!

I'm sorry you are going through this, it sounds like a really terrible situation.

To me it sounds like, if I understood correctly, that you are over him. At least in the sense of not wanting anything to do with this obviously unhealthy situation anymore.

To be honest, as difficult it may seem, I think just blocking all numbers involved is the healthiest way to go.

From what I understood you don't expect anything good coming from hearing from him and considering he is showing really disordered behavior I think it would be in no way beneficial to find out "what he has to say."

I'd even go as far as saying that it doesn't even matter WHAT he has to say, since his opinion and views seem to be very unstable. Might as well not even bother hearing them, since it will either change in a heart beat or at the very best leave you with the insecurity of not knowing if he "really meant it."

I would try to disengage from this triangle, nothing good will ever come from it. It's pure drama.

You're lucky that you're not the one having a child with him.

Some things and people will never change. Just leave them with their drama. You deserve much more than that. 

[Nala88]

Hey Nala!

I'm sorry you are going through this, it sounds like a really terrible situation.

To me it sounds like, if I understood correctly, that you are over him. At least in the sense of not wanting anything to do with this obviously unhealthy situation anymore.

To be honest, as difficult it may seem, I think just blocking all numbers involved is the healthiest way to go.

From what I understood you don't expect anything good coming from hearing from him and considering he is showing really disordered behavior I think it would be in no way beneficial to find out "what he has to say."

I'd even go as far as saying that it doesn't even matter WHAT he has to say, since his opinion and views seem to be very unstable. Might as well not even bother hearing them, since it will either change in a heart beat or at the very best leave you with the insecurity of not knowing if he "really meant it."

I would try to disengage from this triangle, nothing good will ever come from it. It's pure drama.

You're lucky that you're not the one having a child with him.

Some things and people will never change. Just leave them with their drama. You deserve much more than that. 

Is this the only way I can reply to a specific post? By quoting it?

Anyway, Hi thatwasthat

Thank you for your reply. It's true, there is nothing good that could possibly come out of it. It just hurts and I hate the way a borderline can just seemingly out of nowhere mess you about so much even when they're gone. After a LOT of unanswered calls from him and her, he texted to say bye all the while referring to me with my petname. Forgetting that he already said bye to me when we broke up more than a month ago. It's just intrusive and wrong. Kind of feels like when you're in one of those houses at the funfair? The weird shaped mirror etc, that's what it's like entering their world.

And you are right it really does not matter what he has to say it can only cause hurt whether "good" or "bad". I just really really don't know what to make of it but then again I shouldn't be trying to.