Jumping in to the group

[Grammy57]

Good morning.  I joined this forum back in October, but am finally getting around to posting.  I am the mother of a 26 yo daughter with BPD.  We went through the gamut of diagnoses since she was a young child, finally BPD a couple of years ago and it was like a light bulb moment as I read the characteristics - right on target. Having the diagnosis,however, doesn't make it any easier.

There are also 2 precious grandchildren in the family, they live in same town with us, but have their own home.  Daughter is in midst of second divorce, and I strongly suspect this husband is bipolar or some other mental illness, long history of it in his family.  He will not seek treatment or counseling. 

All that said, my husband of 31 years and I are at odds, he still wants to 'fix' her, believes if he just prays hard enough, keeps on helping that she will change.  I have been very close to her, too close sometimes and lately though I just can't keep on helping, rescuing and allowing her to manipulate me.  It is difficult because I care for those two little girls so much. 

I just want a safe place to discuss, vent, and not be judged for what I do or don't do with my daughter.

I think this group is what I need, that is why I joined.  Just a part of me kept saying "what will it really change?"  Nothing I guess, except me.

Thanks and I look forward to connecting with like situation moms and family members.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[clljhns]

Hi Grammy57 and  ,

So glad that you are here! While I don't have a child with BPD, many here do, and know exactly what you are going through. I am so sorry that your husband is not at the same place you are in working with your daughter. Have you checked out the articles at the top of https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=4.0? This board will provide you with the support and insight that you are looking for.

Wishing you all the best!

[lever.]

Hello Grammy57



I am glad that you have found this site and you are certainly in the right place.

If you follow this link to Parenting a son or daughter suffering from BPD board you will find parents with a great deal in common with you.

We are all trying to find a balance between being supportive and feeling manipulated-and many of us have gradually learned that our efforts to "fix" things have been counter-productive.

Some people have found-like your husband that faith and prayer help them.

I have certainly had cause to reflect on whether I have been too close, even enmeshed with my daughter in the past-when someone repeatedly endangers their own life this is an easy pattern to fall into.

On the parent's forum there is useful information about communication, setting boundaries and looking after ourselves and our other relationships.

Many of us also have grandchildren and the way in which we respond to our adult children is affected by our concern for our grandchildren. I really hope that you will share your situation on the parent's board.

I will look out for you there.