Text messages trying to pick fights with me

[sisterofbpd]

Hello everyone.  I keep trying to brush this off, but it is really bothering me.  I do try to vent to my friends and they are great, but there's something really helpful about venting to other people with similar situations.  I basically cut BPDsis off completely since DD9th bday party (post in the link below)

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=234683.msg12506496#msg12506496

She has sent me text messages since basically trying to pick fights with me, to which I did not respond to.  My Mom, although she has good intentions, tried to reach out to BPDsis to try to get her to come around for the holidays.  I have learned time and time again that trying to convince BPDsis to do anything she doesn't want to do never ends well, so I stopped years ago.  Anyway, I did nothing to provoke her wrath her, but here is an email I got from BPDsis, who also thought it necessary to copy in our Aunt, Uncle, her friend (who is equally crazy), my bother, SIL and my Dad.

Let's get something straight (Mom's Name, not Mom because it's more of an insult).

I don't give two blank if you and SisterofBPD decide to waste your time trying to "heal" my mental health.  I know that YOU personally admire finding the flaws in others.  I guess it is a way for you to avoid looking at yourself.  Now, on the other hand, if you and SisterofBPD decide to waste your time tell her to focus on her prick husband whom nobody, and I mean NOBODY likes but her. (mind you, she introduced us)

I am seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist and the only thing in my medical records, NOT THAT IT'S ANY OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS, is depressive disorder, and anxiety disorder.

(BPD Sis has been diagnosed with a BPD and also spend 10 days in a mental hospital for her erratic behavior which she swears was because she was drugged by a man she was seeing)

AS I PREVIOUSLY STATED, THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS DIAGNOSED ME WITH skitzo effective disorder (I don't give a #$ how you spell it, stop trying to sway the importance of this on spelling.  By the way, not everyone spells as good as you and it would be nice if you stopped rubbing other people's noses in it.  Why don't you use whatever intelligence you have and focus on yourself because you do nothing but hurt this family.

I knew that you were going to go there with the lady that diagnosed me with personality disorder.  I knew that was going to be your first attempt at trying to save yourself and your lies.  I was there for 20 minutes exactly ONE time, and you and Dad proceeded to tell her about my political beliefs which don't match up with yours.  You also gave her the impression that my bug paranoia problem was stemming from these issues.  Her opinion does not matter, my DOCTOR'S opinion mattes, not YOU, not SISTEROFBPD, MY DOCTOR!

I honestly want nothing more to do with you.  Move to China, take a dirt nap I don't give a #$.  It's not like my life will be changed in any way without you in it, except for the positive.  I will no longer tolerate your negative influence in my life.  :)on't send cards. don't send food, and don't email.

Did it ever ducking occur to you that the man next door was drugging me with bath salts?  :)id it ever occur to you to ask the doctor why I was found naked upstairs in my apartment complex?  :)id it ever occur to you that I would never be involved with a man like that unless I was being drugged?

They found no coke in my system, no crack, no heroine, nothing... .NOTHING!  Why would I be telling the crew in the ambulance that I did all those things when I didn't?  I was definitely drugged.  I don't give a #$ what you believe.  I am no longer your problem, and you are no longer my mother.

Still you allowed me to rot in the hospital for 10 days all the while telling them that I was diagnosed with something that I wasn't.  Oh... .and told the family too.  :)on't worry, I'm informing the family of all your bull$hit just to get the story straight.

Why don't you and SISTEROFBPD pack up and move to another state.  You won't be missed.  The problems you have both caused in my life are irreparable.  No amount of councelling will ever fix it, and no perfect lie you scheme up with change the truth.  

Again, and I'm still waiting for this answer.  Which doctor told you that I had that diagnosis?

(the doctor at the mental hospital gave my mom that diagnosis)

Goodbye (Mother's name).  Lose my phone number, my email address, my physical address.  I am dead to you.

Sometime biting my tongue is hard, but I know it's the only thing to do to attempt to stop the craziness.   Thanks for listening.

[funfunctional]

I am sorry you got this message from her ((Hugs)) and I would soon hit delete button.   Everytime you read this letter it carries an energy to it of hurt, and reminds you of her complete insanity.

I read her note and for a moment had the biggest in my stomach as this note could have come from my BPD sister.  It sounds just like her.  All the paranoia and false accusations of poisoning the family against her.   I swear we have the same sister.   I do think I have a post traumatic stress response.

I got text after text poking me from my BPD sister.  I am NC and blocked all her calls.  Never again will I live like this with the KNOT in my stomach and neither should you.

Funny thing is THEY DON'T GO AWAY.  They try to widdle their way back into our lives with drama and use other people to try to pass messages and pokes and dramas back at us.    Wait as the holidays build!  Just wait.   Hide if you can.   Simply find a big fat couch and crawl under it.   Of course invite those you want around you to join you under the couch.  

Your sister,  my sister, they won't change.   Would you choose her as a friend?   The nastiness and meaness you don't deserve.

Forget about the family that you think may "side" or have sympathy for her.   Let her have them all.     Life is too short to have so much hate directed at you.      

 

[sisterofbpd]

I am sorry you got this message from her ((Hugs)) and I would soon hit delete button.   Everytime you read this letter it carries an energy to it of hurt, and reminds you of her complete insanity.

I read her note and for a moment had the biggest in my stomach as this note could have come from my BPD sister.  It sounds just like her.  All the paranoia and false accusations of poisoning the family against her.   I swear we have the same sister.   I do think I have a post traumatic stress response.

Thank you for understanding funfunctional, and I'm sorry you have a similar situation.

I got text after text poking me from my BPD sister.  I am NC and blocked all her calls.  Never again will I live like this with the KNOT in my stomach and neither should you.

I really do try to brush it off, and sometimes I actually succeed at it.  Sometimes are harder than others.

Funny thing is THEY DON'T GO AWAY.  They try to widdle their way back into our lives with drama and use other people to try to pass messages and pokes and dramas back at us.   

Oh this is so true!  As I said, I have no intention of replying to her, but I have no doubt she will get another dig in.  Her bday is in a couple of weeks and I was planning on sending her a card, but as her email stated: Lost my address, phone number and email (not that I was contacting her anyway).  The funny thing is though, even before this email, I was telling my friend that I had to send her a bday card and that she will be mad if I send her a card BUT she will also be mad if I don't send her a card. Crazy right?  I'm glad I don't have to now, although I'm sure I will still hear something about how I ignored her bday.

Wait as the holidays build!  Just wait.   Hide if you can.   Simply find a big fat couch and crawl under it.   Of course invite those you want around you to join you under the couch. 

This has been how I have survived for years.  The extended family that she has painted gold for some reason I stopped hanging around with.  They weren't very positive people in my life anyway.  They're on drugs and gossip non-stop so it was a no-brainer. 

Thanks again! 

[funfunctional]

I know what you mean about the birthday card thing.    Funny thing is that my BPD sister never acknowledges my bday.  I go out and buy her something small almost every year.  Either a bracelet or earrings or necklace.    You don't send a car and they throw you under a bus.  You do send it and it is not good enough or they LOOK and FIND something to complain about.  My advice is to do what YOU want to do.   Do what satisfies your heart and disregard her response as much as possible.  I know that is not easy.   If she drags other people in a messengers as soon as they start "doing the messenger job" change the subject and/or shut them down.  Say you have to get off phone, etc.

My dad is my sisters messenger of drama and he will call me and say "oh - it is my nephew/nieces b day and I AM sending him a card".   So if I send a card she will use that as a window to get my nephew to call my house with her in the background and I am NC.    If I don't send a card she can talk about me.    I care about my nephew but I don't want her calling here and having that as a window to it.  She will push the kid to also try to make contact... .oh... ."the kids should see each other".      So I am stuck and doing nothing.   

These kids are going thru hell but I have not been "allowed" to work with the situation.  I tried for 4 years.  She has villianized me so at this point it is her X in laws and x husband doing the eggshell walk but they also have been told many bad things about me so I get limited communication.   They are afraid to talk to me as quoted "she may turn on us".    So basically this is a NO WINNER.  Until she either collapses or gets deathly ill from all the alcohol and negative habits I don't think things will change.   

It wouldn't surprise me if I get hate mail next.       Yowza!   Try to enjoy your holidays and keep a chin up and keep those boundaries and protect your own right to be happy.

[Barbara Smith]

I am in a similar situation.  I unfriended both of my sisters after one sister got angry at me when she did not do what she said she would do.  The other sister has been ticked at me for years.  I really do wish things were different, so for ticked sister's birthday, I sent a brief email to let her know I was thinking of her.  Bad move.  My birthday is two weeks after hers and so after my birthday ( glad she waited) she sent me a letter telling me, among other things, that I was condescending and self-righteous and also that I was a shining star and she was just one of the slobs on earth.  I remembered not to Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain, and sent as kind an email as I could as a reply without mentioning her unkind words.  Haven't heard back.  Probably won't.  I might try the SET technique if I ever get a chance.  Blessings to you at holiday time.  I doubt I'll hear from my sister.  The holidays might be more calm if we don't hear from either one of our sisters!

[funfunctional]

That is just mean BarbaraSmith.  All you were doing was something positive. 

I agree about not hearing from sisters.  The fact is that if we can carry on girlfriends and other relationships and enjoy those... .we have family!

Happy Thanksgiving!

[rehtorb70]

I know you didn't ask for advice, but FWIW I set up my email account so that emails from my sister are automatically archived without popping up in my inbox.   A few times a year, I check to see if she's sent me anything. 

[jdtm]

I know you didn't ask for advice, but FWIW I set up my email account so that emails from my sister are automatically archived without popping up in my inbox.

I've done this too - it works. 

[Starrynite]

Hello sisterofBPD,

Wow, reading the letter sure took me back to my dBPDsis's hate emails. They closed the exact same way 'loose my info, you're dead to me'. It hurts... .you were trying to do your best to help. My advice is to not respond. They are going to see the situation their own way, realistic or not, and nothing anyone says or does will change that... .that's what I learned from my dBPDsis anyway.

I am currently no contact with her anymore. Maybe one day we'll talk again, but right now nope. I'm still pretty hurt and I have a young daughter to take care of, as well as myself.

Remember to take care of yourself. Sending you lots of positivity 

[sisterofbpd]

Hi everyone,

Sorry I haven't been on in a while!

I am in a similar situation.  I unfriended both of my sisters after one sister got angry at me when she did not do what she said she would do.  The other sister has been ticked at me for years.  I really do wish things were different, so for ticked sister's birthday, I sent a brief email to let her know I was thinking of her.  Bad move.  My birthday is two weeks after hers and so after my birthday ( glad she waited) she sent me a letter telling me, among other things, that I was condescending and self-righteous and also that I was a shining star and she was just one of the slobs on earth.  I remembered not to Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain, and sent as kind an email as I could as a reply without mentioning her unkind words.  Haven't heard back.  Probably won't.  I might try the SET technique if I ever get a chance.  Blessings to you at holiday time.  I doubt I'll hear from my sister.  The holidays might be more calm if we don't hear from either one of our sisters!

Sorry you're going through this times two Barbara!  What is the SET Technique?

I know you didn't ask for advice, but FWIW I set up my email account so that emails from my sister are automatically archived without popping up in my inbox.   A few times a year, I check to see if she's sent me anything.

Rehtorb70: I have thought of doing this, however BPDsis rarely ever sends her hate mail to just 1 person.  She will send it to my parents, me, my brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. So even if I did do this, I would hear about it immediately.  I wish she would just do what she wants us to do and leave me alone, I don't contact her at all.  She has sent me some nasty texts, and then a couple of days later a text like nothing ever happened at all.  Because every time she texts me, nothing good comes of it, I blocked her number from texting or calling me.  I do have FOG about what if she's in trouble or suicidal and she can't reach me, but I just can't deal with it.


Thanks Starrynite, sorry you are dealing with this as well!  I also have two young daughters that when they were toddlers they were quite close with her.  They have seen her change into some bitter nasty woman with substance abuse problems on top of her BPD.  It's sad.  Do you ever worry that she will try to contact your daughter when she is a teen?  I worry about that all the time. 

[Kitty45]

OH! So much of this echoes my life!

This e-mail could very well be from my own inbox, and just reading it I can very well imagine how it feels for you. The frustration, anger, sadness and turmoil is overwhelming!  I too have setup filters so my mother and sister cannot do this to me.  It's heartbreaking.

The one thing I see over and over again on these boards is the diagnosed BPD making accusations of mental instability or accusations toward their loved ones.  It happens all the time.  Over time you begin to wonder if you're the "crazy" and they're the "normal". For me, it's a tell tale sign that there's something going on.  Either they're not on the medication or something has happened to set them off.

It doesn't take a diagnosis to convince us that a relationship is toxic.  Regardless of what the truth may or may not be, this is an unhealthy situation for all of you and it's time to disconnect.  You cannot fix her, you cannot convince her to get help and you cannot be responsible for her, so let her go.

[sisterofbpd]

Hello Kitty45, thanks for your kind words!

The one thing I see over and over again on these boards is the diagnosed BPD making accusations of mental instability or accusations toward their loved ones.  It happens all the time.  Over time you begin to wonder if you're the "crazy" and they're the "normal". For me, it's a tell tale sign that there's something going on.  Either they're not on the medication or something has happened to set them off.

Oh for sure, I'm sure my mother set her off trying to get in contact and reasoning with her.

It doesn't take a diagnosis to convince us that a relationship is toxic.  Regardless of what the truth may or may not be, this is an unhealthy situation for all of you and it's time to disconnect.  You cannot fix her, you cannot convince her to get help and you cannot be responsible for her, so let her go.

Very true!  The thing is, I've accepted that I cannot fix her or attempt to fix her.  I've completely cut her off but she keeps roping me in these things.  The last communication I had from her before this email was her texting me "Hey Chick, I need help finding a home for this cat." She went from Hey Chick, to move out of state.  When ever I see her at family things I never know what personality I'm going to get.  She's either all playful and nice or completely nasty.  I'm done with it.  I didn't block her emails because she copies in all of the extended family as well and I'm gonna find out about it at some point.  What I did do was block her from texting or calling me.   

[Starrynite]

Hi Again sisterofBPD,

That's an excellent question and I actually hadn't thought about it. My daughter is only 5 but I guess that is something I should be thinking about.

I do not talk about my sister and we've been estranged for a couple years now so my daughter doesn't really know her... .well maybe she does, but she'd most likely be some person in her memory somewhere.