Holiday season

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Over the las2 years, I was with my xpwBPD during the holidays.   During the first one, we had just gotten together and it was magical.  Last year, a different story as her moods were constant and dark.  This year, she is with my replacement of 6 months and, stupidly, I am jealous and sad.   Can anyone talk about their experiences with the holidays with their pwBPD?

Thank you

[Hawk Ridge]

Over the las2 years, I was with my xpwBPD during the holidays.   During the first one, we had just gotten together and it was magical.  Last year, a different story as her moods were constant and dark.  This year, she is with my replacement of 6 months and, stupidly, I am jealous and sad.   Can anyone talk about their experiences with the holidays with their pwBPD?

Thank you

[maxen]

hi Hawk Ridge 

first, there's nothing stupid about feeling jealous or sad. one of the hardest elements of breakups from pwBPD is that, because of the nature of the disorder, they're often with someone else, and we're alone. it's my situation too. please try to keep in mind that BPD is an attachment disorder. the nature of our ex's experiences with their new SOs, or whatever we'd call them, is a thing we can't really know and seems unenviable anyway.

i had lovely times with my stbxw at holidays, and getting through last year's was a strong challenge. thank god i was able to keep myself in company. can you do that this year?

[Hawk Ridge]

Thanks, Max

Your validation and understanding.  I try to remember to take off the rose colored glasses and remember it as it is and, as a blessing, sometimes I cannot remember things as well any more.  Thanks for understanding about the shame of jealousy.  I am a truly compassionate person so I recognize if she were with her next person, I would probably be fine.  Also, there's a part of me, the helper part of me, that secretly desires I could speak to my replacement and offer them knowledge during what has to be a crazy making time for them too but that is just controlling silliness on my part.  Everyone has their own journey. I wish I knew then what I know now, not to hurt my ex or my replacement... .I just knew I didn't understand the behaviors.  I will never make that contact but I will send positive vibes their way as I do nit choose to live in that toxicity. Lastly, thanks for the suggestion of keeping busy.  I am getting better at it and will continue to do so. 

Please know I appreciate your response.   Thank you