How do you calm yourself when irratated?

[Our abuse recovery guide]

So, I haven't been on here in a while. I've been dealing fairly well. I typically do the best I can to not let her bother me. However, when she does, how can I prevent myself from full-on irritation? I can tell the stage is being set for a tough day tomorrow. I'm already getting a bit peeved. Thoughts? Part of me feels like thinking, "you know [xyz] will likely happen, expect it and laugh in your head when it does." That's usually what I try to do, but this time there will be in laws around that don't know her and may be shocked at certain things... .I'm not fully prepared mentally on how to deal with it.

[dotterof1]

So, I haven't been on here in a while. I've been dealing fairly well. I typically do the best I can to not let her bother me. However, when she does, how can I prevent myself from full-on irritation? I can tell the stage is being set for a tough day tomorrow. I'm already getting a bit peeved. Thoughts? Part of me feels like thinking, "you know [xyz] will likely happen, expect it and laugh in your head when it does." That's usually what I try to do, but this time there will be in laws around that don't know her and may be shocked at certain things... .I'm not fully prepared mentally on how to deal with it.

[Kwamina]

Hi dotterof1

Welcome back here

I typically do the best I can to not let her bother me. However, when she does, how can I prevent myself from full-on irritation?

I have an (u)BPD mother as well and one thing that really helps me is to drastically lower my expectations of her. Instead of fearing that she might misbehave I expect her to misbehave and prepare myself based on what I've learned form past experiences. This helps me to be less shocked when she says or does something inappropriate and also enables me to respond better to her and set and defend boundaries when needed.

Part of me feels like thinking, "you know [xyz] will likely happen, expect it and laugh in your head when it does." That's usually what I try to do, but this time there will be in laws around that don't know her and may be shocked at certain things... .I'm not fully prepared mentally on how to deal with it.

The in-laws don't know your mother but are they aware of the fact that she has BPD?

[dotterof1]

These in laws are my husbands aunt and uncle. They have met my mom one time and don't really know her at all. So I'm nervous about how to deal with my mom when there will be people around that are completely in the dark about her and her behavior.

Typically I avoid going places where enforcing boundaries is difficult, and this is one of those scenarios.

[clljhns]

Hi dotterof1,

No one knows how to truly embarrass us and strike fear in our hearts than our beloved BPD. You might want to have a talk with your husband about approaching his aunt and uncle and explain that your mom is "eccentric". People typically know what this term means, and they probably have someone in their family that is "eccentric" as well. This will help to soften the blow if mom decides to wave the BPD banner.

Peace and blessings.