THAT closed the door! So I made her very clear I would never again tolerate any violence again, if then I would call immediately a emergency service to have her removed. Exw never tried it again.
Profound to mention after the first outbursts exw continued with whatever she was doing before, just if nothing happened.
The only way they learn is if they are told what is right and what is wrong, yet they don't perceive the morality of it, they are literally just copying you. This is a huge part of psychopathy, this site has a tendency to paint BPD's in a more favourable light, but they are just a secondary type of psychopath, the primary type is 'cold', emotionless, unaffected, collected, the secondary type is 'hot', extreme emotions, paranoia, jealousy, raging, BPD traits.
A similar example is my ex tried to hook up with me whilst with her replacement, I said no, that is not fair on your new boyfriend. A few weeks later I asked if she wanted to go for a drink and make friends, she said no its not fair on her new boyfriend. She has no concept of right & wrong, but if she perceives something someone else tells her as being right, then she'll try and copy it.
Your ex continued like nothing had happened because she doesn't care, she has no remorse.
Bungenstein, you took a few sentences from my reply. Reading only these sentences I wrote, there is no remorse visible, you are right.
As a fact, comorbidity of Borderline with psychopathy is very low, without denying your experiences.
Now for the picture. The source of ones behaviour is important. Why, what causes ones behaviour. So that implies OUR behaviour too. What was our influences on a reaction we got. Just make a nasty remark, see the reaction you get.
Believe me, I was near questioning my own sanity as many on this Board. Didn’t went crazy though as I was used to do daily self reflection (just playing the movie again). That kept me clear.
When exw continued as nothing happened before, yes that is cold.
My inner reaction was one of a terrible turmoil, blood pressure up to X, adrenaline out of my vanes, etc.
What a difference. The WHY?
Exw hided her turmoil and went in a detached emotional protector mode (nothing and no one will harm me, as I am SO ANGRY!).
It is part of their coping, as the way I feel is part of mine.
Remorse? To understand remorse, we have to go back a stage earlier in our emotional existence.
Before remorse there is shame. Shame the most primitive feeling anyone has, not controllable what ever you try!
How can you have remorse when you are captured in deep shame (continuing as if nothing happened is expressing avoidance, avoidance to be confronted with the one who made me shame).
As for every person, the next stages are guilt and remorse. Guilt to acknowledge and change behaviour, remorse the (temporary) burden one carries.
When we go back to kindergarten age what do we see? Kids quarrel and with all persistency saying never to play with the other again… hours later… they play again.
What behaviour do we see as parents when a biscuit/cookie is missing, addressing it and even see the crumbles? Shame in the denial mode. Consequently the task to set boundaries. Depending on in an authoritarian way or using the explaining way.
At what average emotional age do pwBPD react when in great pain?
Back to the events as I described and you refer to. Understanding the WHY is important, for me not the labelling.
Have been there for 30+ yrs, learned about if several years before exw destroyed my family. Yes, initially I labelled exw, but understanding and controlling techniques in order to coop with all for my family was the most important.
Don’t understand me wrong! I am not defending any behaviour, explaining and just expressing of what is/was for me important and sharing experiences.
And yes, many for me is still unbelievable and questions me more how fake or not (in a sense) the 30+ yrs. of my life were. That causes pain of which I am only honest about on this Board.
