Was your BPDex your first relationship?

[Confused?]

Was your BPDex your first relationship?

[Capo]

Yes it was. And i think I accepted many things I wouldn't have if I had been more experienced and known what was "normal".

For example, When she told me she loved me, I was her soul mate and that she would move overseas with me in the first few months, my gut told me something was wrong but I ended up telling myself that this was just the "honeymoon phase" people talk about, and I was flattered that an attractive girl would feel that way about me after me being single for so long.

When I spent hours on the phone on most nights soothing and counselling her when she had a bad day etc, I thought to my self "this is what boyfriends do, they talk to their gfs and help them get through things." I only recognized this as extreme emotional neediness afterwards and identified that she very rarely reciprocated to fufil my emotional needs.


Now that I have been replaced, I have a fear that I will not be able to find someone as attractive as her who loves me back. I also fear that she doesn't have BPD and this new guy wll treat her right and that they will live happily ever after, even though my gut tells me this is unlikely.

[billypilgrim]

Not my first but definitely my most serious - at least from the commitment level on my end.  But it's definitely all I've really got to go on.  We started dating when we were 20 so before that were basically high school/early college relationships.  This was not her first rodeo either.  Should have known something was up when she said that her and the guy before me were considering marriage.  At 20.  Though I can't talk, I married her 4 years later.  Yuck.

[DangIthurts]

No but I could sure see how that would be a BAD situation for a newbie. Gosh she tore down a successful experienced person and someone who was a good dater/ relationship person. I couldn't imagine how traumatizing it could be to someone if it was their first.

[BuildingFromScratch]

Yes, mine targeted virgins who haven't had serious relationships. That way they are ignorant and can be molded into what she wants them to be. Anyways I was with her from 17/yrs old to 30 yrs/old.

[antonio1213]

She was my first real relationship. The first person I did all my sexual things with. I lost my virginity to her. The first girl I moved in with. The first person I told my deep secrets with.

Wish she wasn't so attractive.

[Turkish]

First LTR, first live in gf (possibly the last!). I wasn't her first bf, but the first one she lived with, and we did build some kind of life in the 6 years we were together.

What do you get out of this question, Confused?

[Infern0]

No,  but certainly the most intense. Well the relationship I had with an NPD chick was also quite intense.

But with the waif I certainly felt/feel a pull that I've never had with anyone else. Breakup with NPD was tough but I got over it in about 6 weeks (a very hard 6 weeks) with BPD waif we are looking at 6 months and still haven't broken free of the pull

[embeddedstuck]

Yes it was. And i think I accepted many things I wouldn't have if I had been more experienced and known what was "normal".

For example, When she told me she loved me, I was her soul mate and that she would move overseas with me in the first few months, my gut told me something was wrong but I ended up telling myself that this was just the "honeymoon phase" people talk about, and I was flattered that an attractive girl would feel that way about me after me being single for so long.

When I spent hours on the phone on most nights soothing and counselling her when she had a bad day etc, I thought to my self "this is what boyfriends do, they talk to their gfs and help them get through things." I only recognized this as extreme emotional neediness afterwards and identified that she very rarely reciprocated to fufil my emotional needs.


Now that I have been replaced, I have a fear that I will not be able to find someone as attractive as her who loves me back. I also fear that she doesn't have BPD and this new guy wll treat her right and that they will live happily ever after, even though my gut tells me this is unlikely.

Your experience and feelings mirror mine very well. I'm 27 and she's 23, we met around 2 years ago. I had no prior relationship or sexual experience, so as you can imagine I've been busting my ass the past 2 years. The worst part is that the more I was honest with her and the harder I tried, the more she put me down and made me feel inadequate.

I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. I honestly do not know if my EX is BPD, but based on everything I've read, she does seem to fit the characteristics. Anyway, she's emotionally hurt me a lot especially this past 6 months, and all I've ever given her is my unconditional love. Since this has been my first relationship, I too find myself asking the same questions as you.

For Christ's sake, she dumped me 5 months ago, got into a casual relationship with someone, then came back apologizing and expressing her love to me again. I took  her back only to have her do the same thing to me again 2 months later (few weeks ago)!

You can imagine how messed up I am now emotionally.

No but I could sure see how that would be a BAD situation for a newbie. Gosh she tore down a successful experienced person and someone who was a good dater/ relationship person. I couldn't imagine how traumatizing it could be to someone if it was their first.

Hahaha... .yeah, like me.

[Infern0]

Yes it was. And i think I accepted many things I wouldn't have if I had been more experienced and known what was "normal".

For example, When she told me she loved me, I was her soul mate and that she would move overseas with me in the first few months, my gut told me something was wrong but I ended up telling myself that this was just the "honeymoon phase" people talk about, and I was flattered that an attractive girl would feel that way about me after me being single for so long.

When I spent hours on the phone on most nights soothing and counselling her when she had a bad day etc, I thought to my self "this is what boyfriends do, they talk to their gfs and help them get through things." I only recognized this as extreme emotional neediness afterwards and identified that she very rarely reciprocated to fufil my emotional needs.


Now that I have been replaced, I have a fear that I will not be able to find someone as attractive as her who loves me back. I also fear that she doesn't have BPD and this new guy wll treat her right and that they will live happily ever after, even though my gut tells me this is unlikely.

Your experience and feelings mirror mine very well. I'm 27 and she's 23, we met around 2 years ago. I had no prior relationship or sexual experience, so as you can imagine I've been busting my ass the past 2 years. The worst part is that the more I was honest with her and the harder I tried, the more she put me down and made me feel inadequate.

I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. I honestly do not know if my EX is BPD, but based on everything I've read, she does seem to fit the characteristics. Anyway, she's emotionally hurt me a lot especially this past 6 months, and all I've ever given her is my unconditional love. Since this has been my first relationship, I too find myself asking the same questions as you.

For Christ's sake, she dumped me 5 months ago, got into a casual relationship with someone, then came back apologizing and expressing her love to me again. I took  her back only to have her do the same thing to me again 2 months later (few weeks ago)!

You can imagine how messed up I am now emotionally.

No but I could sure see how that would be a BAD situation for a newbie. Gosh she tore down a successful experienced person and someone who was a good dater/ relationship person. I couldn't imagine how traumatizing it could be to someone if it was their first.

Hahaha... .yeah, like me.

Baptism of fire for sure.

On the plus side your next relationship will be like a walk in the park by comparison and you will have a lot more knowledge and experience now

[Deeno02]

I was her first after her separation/divorce. Yay me...

[Octoberfest]

Yes, it was my first relationship. Not the first time I slept with a girl, but the first time I got close to one, opened up, shared secrets, cared for, fell in love with. 

I go back and forth on whether it was a good thing or a bad thing.  Part of me wishes I had experienced the young carefree relationships and summer romances you hear about in country songs. Part of me wishes my first relationship was with someone healthy who built me to expect loyalty, honesty, and faithfulness out of a relationship by treating me with that.  However a different part me recognizes, as another poster said, the baptism by fire that I received and sees the value in it.  I took an absolute crash course in human connection/love by dating my diagnosed BPDex (I was 19, she was 21), and while I got my ass kicked I sure learned a lot.  I see the value in having experienced that awful behavior and getting torn down and having to rebuild so young, because now at 21 years old I have already decided never again will I tolerate anything even remotely similar to that kind of stuff in a relationship again. I actually just recently ended things with another girl I had been casually seeing because she lied to me about something we had made very clear that we needed to be transparent about.  It sucked to see that another chick was deceitful, and it doesn't instill much faith in me for the future with other women, but at the very least I am already in a position that will prevent me from getting serious with and marrying some witch who will cheat on me and tear a potential family apart with custody battles and asset forfeiture in the future because I can now recognized red flags and have 0 tolerance for bullsh!t. With my BPDex I gave her chance after chance again after each time she cheated on me because "This time is going to be different!".  Maybe I will pass over giving a second chance to a girl who deserves it in the future, but that is just the price I pay for having been involved with my BPDex and weathering the depression that I did.