What I am Thankful For--Musings from Down the Rabbit Hole-Sorry so long

[clljhns]

Hi All,

No particular reason for this post, other than a need to share some thoughts.

So, I spent the night without power last night. Wicked snow storm yesterday knocked out the power to over 100,000 people within the power companies reach. I was one of them. I was so confident that it would not happen, that I waited until 9:30 pm to begin my nightly ritual: hot bath, brush teeth, and one more look on internet before bed. I walked down the hall to take my bath, and the power went out. I didn't have my flashlight handy, nor even my cell phone to give me some measure of light to find my way back down the hall. I fumbled through the darkness and retrieved the flashlight, right where I had placed it just a few days before, after moving it from it's hidden location in the back of a dark cabinet. So glad that I thought to do that! When the flashlight sent out it's beam, it struck the confused face of my beloved dog. She looked around the room in confusion. I could just hear her thoughts: "What is this? Why is the TV not droning? Why did you turn all the lights off?" Normally, when I turn out the lights for the night, she happily dances and "talks" to me all the way to the bedroom. But not last night. Our routine had been rudely disrupted. And, so, in the darkness, I decided that I would not retreat to the comfort of a friends home, but brave the lack of heat and stay. It was not an uncomfortable night as we burrowed deep within the many covers, blankets and quilts. Snug in my domain, I felt confident that this would be a passing inconvenience. I even dreamt that the power came back on during the night. Alas. This was but a dream. I awoke to a chilly, eerily quiet home, minus the normal humming sounds of the refrigerator and other appliances that normally great me with the dawn. I sat in my quiet home contemplating what to do next. The snow had obliterated my long driveway, and from experience, I knew that I was trapped. I made a call to the man who plows my drive, only to find that he was already out at 6:30 am plowing. Okay! Progress! If he makes it to me in the next few hours, no big deal. I will get coffee after all! My Thanksgiving plans with friends were cancelled because they were in the same predicament as I. At 10:30, I had exhausted the power on my cell phone playing solitaire, so I moved to my car and waited for the phone to recharge, enjoying the rare moment of heat. Yay! The man is here to plow the drive! I am free! My plan was to purchase a generator and hook it up the furnace, so that I would at least have heat in my home. But wait, it is Thanksgiving, and all businesses are closed. No matter. I was sure the power would return soon.

As I made my way back home, I resolved myself to wait it out and stay in my home without heat another night. That was until the weather report on the radio predicted a low of 9 degrees. Okay, so this may not be an option. Determined in my optimism that all things would work out, I stayed in my home until 5:30 pm, until I couldn't take the cold any longer. I cried "Uncle" and packed up a few things and my little dog. Off we went into the night in search of a warm room and a comfortable bed. So, that didn't go exactly as I planned. Stopped at a little roadside motel. I don't think I need say anymore, other than I will remain in my clothes and not touch the sheets. I will probably not sleep at all tonight. At least I have heat and power.

So, why this post? I thought a lot today. Had plenty of time on my hands to do so. It occurred to me that I really do have so much to be thankful for. So many are broken and without hope. So many have lost loved ones, and will never get to hear their sweet voice. I think about my sister who lost her son almost four years ago in Iraq. How she grieves for him. Nothing can take away her pain. I think about his wife and little girl who will no longer share laughter and make memories with him. I think about those who are dying a slow and painful death, like my dear friends husband. I think about the children who will go to bed afraid and alone.

So, what am I thankful for. I am thankful for the gift of life. I am thankful for my daughter and my sweet, wonderful friends. I am thankful for my little companion who loves me unconditionally. I am thankful that I have a job that I love and can earn a wage that affords me a warm home (uh, just not tonight). I am thankful for a site, such as this one, that has offered me a place to vent, complain, cry, moan and groan, and offers immeasurable support.

Sorry for such a long post. Now that I have purged the thoughts from my brain, what are you thankful for?

Wishing you all a blessed and thank-filled day!

[Kwamina]

Hi clljhns

So is the power back on?

I enjoyed reading your post, you remained very calm through it all. Perhaps even a bit too calm:

At 10:30, I had exhausted the power on my cell phone playing solitaire, so I moved to my car and waited for the phone to recharge, enjoying the rare moment of heat.

Exhausted the battery playing solitaire?

So, why this post? I thought a lot today. Had plenty of time on my hands to do so. It occurred to me that I really do have so much to be thankful for. So many are broken and without hope. So many have lost loved ones, and will never get to hear their sweet voice. I think about my sister who lost her son almost four years ago in Iraq. How she grieves for him. Nothing can take away her pain. I think about his wife and little girl who will no longer share laughter and make memories with him. I think about those who are dying a slow and painful death, like my dear friends husband. I think about the children who will go to bed afraid and alone.

It can really help when you're able to put things in proper perspective in a healthy way, without minimizing your own struggles yet clearly seeing things for what they really are.

So, what am I thankful for. I am thankful for the gift of life. I am thankful for my daughter and my sweet, wonderful friends. I am thankful for my little companion who loves me unconditionally. I am thankful that I have a job that I love and can earn a wage that affords me a warm home (uh, just not tonight). I am thankful for a site, such as this one, that has offered me a place to vent, complain, cry, moan and groan, and offers immeasurable support.

You've captured the essence of Thanksgiving here! Thanks for your wonderful post!  

I've lately been re-exploring the concept of acceptance and I think it's related to the concept of 'giving thanks'. Usually when people say they can't or don't want to accept something or that things shouldn't be the way they are, it always has to do with things they don't like. Rarely will you here people talk like this about the things they do like. Those things often just get taken for granted. That's why I think it's wonderful that you're expressing how thankful you are for all the good things in your life.

To this day I am still very thankful for the two parrots I bought when I had just turned 12 now more than twenty years ago. When I was a kid they truly were my light in my darkest days. Now that I'm an adult I am very thankful that this website exists and that I found my way here. Like many of our members I was in a pretty bad state when I first found this site. I actually did a lot of work on me before I finally decided to register here. That's why my first posts on here probably seemed so balanced looking back, I had already been reading the material for more than a year  Growing up with uBPD relatives and also some other extremely difficult family-members, has taken a huge toll on me but I survived. And now after learning so many new skills, I am doing  better. Even able to apply these same skills in other situations in which I'm confronted with difficult people. All my new knowledge and skills are invaluable in many aspects of my life so I am very thankful for that.

[clljhns]

Hi Kwamina,

Yes, the power was restored at 8:30 the night I wrote this post. I was monitoring the electric companies site closely to see when power was restored to my street. As soon as I saw this, I abandoned the nasty motel and went home. Only to find that the furnace was not working. So, power, but no heat. No worry! I called landlady who sent out repairman and heat was restored by midnight. I was thoroughly exhausted, but glad to be in my own bed

I've lately been re-exploring the concept of acceptance and I think it's related to the concept of 'giving thanks'. Usually when people say they can't or don't want to accept something or that things shouldn't be the way they are, it always has to do with things they don't like. Rarely will you here people talk like this about the things they do like. Those things often just get taken for granted.

Yes! It is difficult to be thankful during a time of strife. But, it was an inconvenience more than anything. Having lived through several painful, and life-altering events (as we all have), I felt I really needed to assess the situation from the perspective of what was good in my life. I miss my daughter so much and really feel like I could just cry everyday when I think about it. The holidays make it worse. She is also homesick, which is good to know she misses her mom and friends, but hard at the same time because she can't be here and flying to another country to see her is not an option right now. I actually broke down and cried when her favorite Christmas song came on the radio.

shocked Exhausted the battery playing solitaire? rolleyes

Yep. I love games of any kind and this was all that was available to me. Actually, I do a lot of thinking when I am playing a game. I know that on some level I do spend time doing this, rather than delving further into the abyss of my pain. I am not one to spend my time feeling sorry for myself, so it has been a challenge to do the work I need to. Hmmmm. Maybe not the best way to deal with things. I think I just put it aside until I see my therapist next.

Growing up with uBPD relatives and also some other extremely difficult family-members, has taken a huge toll on me but I survived. And now after learning so many new skills, I am doing  better. Even able to apply these same skills in other situations in which I'm confronted with difficult people. All my new knowledge and skills are invaluable in many aspects of my life so I am very thankful for that.

I completely agree that developing new skills to deal with difficult people is invaluable. It took me a long time to add some new tools to my toolbox that have helped me in this arena. Isn't it wonderful that we have found the tools to help us move forward in our healing?

Wishing you all the best! 

[Kwamina]

shocked Exhausted the battery playing solitaire? rolleyes

Yep. I love games of any kind and this was all that was available to me. Actually, I do a lot of thinking when I am playing a game. I know that on some level I do spend time doing this, rather than delving further into the abyss of my pain. I am not one to spend my time feeling sorry for myself, so it has been a challenge to do the work I need to. Hmmmm. Maybe not the best way to deal with things. I think I just put it aside until I see my therapist next.

I like playing games too actually It can also be a great way to stay calm during stressful events. I was only worried about the part of you exhausting your phone's battery during a snow storm and power outage  Fortunately the power is back on now (and the heating too!). Take care

[clljhns]

No worries. I have a car phone charger, and the gas tank was full.