Trick or true?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Last night my ex (6 days) sent me lots of messages trying to get me back. I didn't respond. Now he sent me a message saying that all his stuff which is still at my place is now mine. That he wants to give it to me as a gift of love and gratitude. Most of it is very, very dear to him. I know. Letters, poems, books of a very beloved friend of his who died 5 years ago, his most precious books, CD's etc.

Has any of you experienced something like that? What I wonder is, could this be a way to try to make me respond to him? I find it hard to believe that he doesn't want all these treasures of his.

[harbour]

Last night my ex (6 days) sent me lots of messages trying to get me back. I didn't respond. Now he sent me a message saying that all his stuff which is still at my place is now mine. That he wants to give it to me as a gift of love and gratitude. Most of it is very, very dear to him. I know. Letters, poems, books of a very beloved friend of his who died 5 years ago, his most precious books, CD's etc.

Has any of you experienced something like that? What I wonder is, could this be a way to try to make me respond to him? I find it hard to believe that he doesn't want all these treasures of his.

[Confused?]

In my experience with my BPDex there were multiple ways of getting my attention. Accusing, arguing, and the one that got my attention the most was the "I'm so alone I have nobody I wish my disorder would go away blah blah blah"

My ex really knew how to tug at my heart strings. If I couldn't deal with any more of her bs she would flip a switch and start crying and saying how bad she is. It's her deepest hook. She played victim and played it well.

Not knowing anything about your relationship I would say that if he is anything like my ex that it is absolutely to get you to respond.

[Pingo]

harbour, in my experience it is how they can have contact with you at a later date.  Keep a connection.  If you returned all his stuff he wouldn't have an excuse to contact you later.  Is there a mutual friend you can leave his stuff with for him to pick up?  Or mail the stuff that's dear to him?  This would send the message that you are really finished. 

I had some personal items of my ex and I tried to arrange an exchange as he had a bunch of my stuff but he just ignored any attempt so I finally mailed his stuff to his family and wrote off my stuff.  It was part of the process of detachment and moving on.  Now, almost 6 mths later and after I've spent a lot of money replacing my stuff, he's attempting to have contact with me again... .I've ignored him so far.

[Perdita]

Harbour, consider this scenario as well. 

Friday comes (or the one after) and he shows up at your place as he was use to.  This time he says he is there simply to collect some of those personal treasures of his.  Being the kind person you are, he convinces you to let him in.  Judging by what's happened since you broke it off, he will inevitably try yet again to get you to take him back.  What do you do?  Calmly try to get him out of there by telling him lies (you will consider taking him back etc)? That just puts you right back to where you are now.  What will you do though if he has another outburst of rage?  He had these the last 6 or 7 times you saw him, wasn't it?  At that point he didn't even know yet that you were going to break it off with him. You know he got violent with previous partners who left him and was sentenced to 5 years of therapy.  So there he is under the guise of getting his things back.  Standing in your living room and realizing that this really is it.  It's over.  He goes into another rage.  Where do you think that might lead? 

I'd be very careful, Harbour.  His emotions are truly all over the place now.  He probably doesn't even know what he is going to do from one moment to the next.  His impulsivity and emotional instability now has a very real possibility of leading him right back to your front door.

Go with your original plan and drop it off at the mutual friend's place and let him know afterwards that he can collect it there.

[fromheeltoheal]

6 days is very early, and really what he thinks doesn't matter if you've broken up.  I say put all his stuff in a box and if it bothers you to have it, either because he may use it as leverage to communicate with you or just because you don't feel comfortable having it, send it back and be done with it.  It's important right now, if you really want the relationship to be over, to focus on you and your needs exclusively, get very selfish; selfishness gets a bad rap, but really if we don't take care of ourselves first we'll have nothing to give, and if your relationship was anything like the rest of them here, you have a lot of self-care to do.  Take care of you!