A pointless exercise in emotional rescue

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi all, I've just read a recommended article about how the BPD relationship evolves and was blown away by the following description of the madness the ensues;

"But, in reality, staying around this cauldron of emotional unpredictability is pointless. Every effort to understand or help this type of woman is an excruciatingly pointless exercise in emotional rescue.

It is like you are a Coast Guard cutter and she is a drowning woman. But she drowns in a peculiar way. Every time you pull her out of the turbulent sea, feed her warm tea and biscuits, wrap her in a comfy blanket and tell her everything is okay, she suddenly jumps overboard and starts pleading for help again. And, no matter how many times you rush to the emotional - rescue, she still keeps jumping back into trouble. It is this repeating, endlessly frustrating pattern which should confirm to you that you are involved with a Borderline Personality Disorder."

No matter how effective you are at helping her, nothing is ever enough. No physical, financial or emotional assistance ever seems to make any lasting difference. It's like pouring the best of your self into a galactic-sized Psychological Black Hole of bottomless emotional hunger. And if you keep pouring it in long enough, one-day you'll fall right down that hole yourself. There will be nothing left of you but your own shadow, just as it falls through her predatory "event horizon."

Wow, wow, wow! This outrageously draining, nonsensical cycle of horrendeous, unnerving and damaging drama seems almost unreal - yet I lived it, we lived it, some of us are still living it. It is beyond madness - and to see it so clearly put into words - wow. I congratulate myself on surviving and promise myself here and now never to let myself slip back into the dark, dark world again.

Powerful stuff, don't you think?

C14 x

[Compassion14]

Hi all, I've just read a recommended article about how the BPD relationship evolves and was blown away by the following description of the madness the ensues;

"But, in reality, staying around this cauldron of emotional unpredictability is pointless. Every effort to understand or help this type of woman is an excruciatingly pointless exercise in emotional rescue.

It is like you are a Coast Guard cutter and she is a drowning woman. But she drowns in a peculiar way. Every time you pull her out of the turbulent sea, feed her warm tea and biscuits, wrap her in a comfy blanket and tell her everything is okay, she suddenly jumps overboard and starts pleading for help again. And, no matter how many times you rush to the emotional - rescue, she still keeps jumping back into trouble. It is this repeating, endlessly frustrating pattern which should confirm to you that you are involved with a Borderline Personality Disorder."

No matter how effective you are at helping her, nothing is ever enough. No physical, financial or emotional assistance ever seems to make any lasting difference. It's like pouring the best of your self into a galactic-sized Psychological Black Hole of bottomless emotional hunger. And if you keep pouring it in long enough, one-day you'll fall right down that hole yourself. There will be nothing left of you but your own shadow, just as it falls through her predatory "event horizon."

Wow, wow, wow! This outrageously draining, nonsensical cycle of horrendeous, unnerving and damaging drama seems almost unreal - yet I lived it, we lived it, some of us are still living it. It is beyond madness - and to see it so clearly put into words - wow. I congratulate myself on surviving and promise myself here and now never to let myself slip back into the dark, dark world again.

Powerful stuff, don't you think?

C14 x

[Deeno02]

Yep. I just wasnt good enough. That about sums it up...

[Xidion]

Yep. I just wasnt good enough. That about sums it up...

No one will ever bee good enough. The only time you are good enough is in the very beginning when she is infatuated with you. It's new... she is putting the hooks in. She needs that extreme attention from you, and we do it because it feels good to be put up on such a pedestal. I've been there. Nothing and no one will ever be good enough. These people lead dramatic and empty lives. It's truely sad. Find someone who isn't BPD.

[Craydar]

Yep. I just wasnt good enough. That about sums it up...

No one will ever bee good enough. The only time you are good enough is in the very beginning when she is infatuated with you. It's new... she is putting the hooks in. She needs that extreme attention from you, and we do it because it feels good to be put up on such a pedestal. I've been there. Nothing and no one will ever be good enough. These people lead dramatic and empty lives. It's truely sad. Find someone who isn't BPD.

And trying to keep the game and infatuation alive by playing their own game and acting ( because for non's it would need to be an academy award worthy performance) unattainable and unpredictable never works. They will always beat you at that game... .Always.

[Infern0]

It is a very good comparison.

Truthfully nobody will ever be good enough.  It's not about us it's about the disorder and the way it manifests.  At the end of the day nobody can cure their partner from having a personality disorder. People with BPD always feel terrible and it's those around them who suffer almost as much as them.

If someone's baseline emotional state is so dreadful the only thing you can do is temporarily make them feel better but at the end of the day they will always return to that core baseline because that is just their natural state.

don't get me wrong I do have compassion for these people,  it must be dreadful to have BPD,  like really dreadful and these people don't have the same coping mechanisms we have. They can't just get away from the person doing the damage and recover.  They can't look at themselves in the mirror like we can,  understand their issues and fix them.

There's only one way to make some progress and it's years of therapy and a firm desire and commitment to get better. Even then it's a rocky road and there's no guarantees

[Blimblam]

We got sucked into drama and became emotionally invested in solving it. It's not impossible to have a relationship with a pwBPD. They aren't predetors either. When we attached to the drama eventually it gets transfered to us then they dissasociate from it and in our exs eyes we are the problem. Drama doesn't get resolved within the drama triangle it only goes in circles and gets shifted around. Blame is within the triangle too.

[Xidion]

We got sucked into drama and became emotionally invested in solving it. It's not impossible to have a relationship with a pwBPD. They aren't predetors either. When we attached to the drama eventually it gets transfered to us then they dissasociate from it and in our exs eyes we are the problem. Drama doesn't get resolved within the drama triangle it only goes in circles and gets shifted around. Blame is within the triangle too.

I got sucked in completely. She started off as the jealous and insecure one. Then toward the end I was the jealous and insecure one (for good reason). That's when she left. Now I'm the one who was the cause of it and "never treated her good". Go figure.

[Blimblam]

We got sucked into drama and became emotionally invested in solving it. It's not impossible to have a relationship with a pwBPD. They aren't predetors either. When we attached to the drama eventually it gets transfered to us then they dissasociate from it and in our exs eyes we are the problem. Drama doesn't get resolved within the drama triangle it only goes in circles and gets shifted around. Blame is within the triangle too.

I got sucked in completely. She started off as the jealous and insecure one. Then toward the end I was the jealous and insecure one (for good reason). That's when she left. Now I'm the one who was the cause of it and "never treated her good". Go figure.

Yeah my ex was the victim of her ex and her dad blah blah.  Then she became the "victim" of me then she flipped it around and made me insecure and jealous as well.

It sucked. I am sorry you went through it too.