Finally angry - it only took me two years

[caughtnreleased]

if I draw on my own experience and what i've witnessed in my own network? People who are frequently posting and really active all over facebook, generally are in a feeling ___ty about themselves phase.   It's happenned to me, and I see it with people who I know are going through a bad phase, and so hope that the attention they can gather on facebook, or the jealousy and envy they can provoke, can fill them up for a bit.  Just my (unprofessional) opinion!  

[lipstick]

Lipstick,

When my ex left me one of the many times for a replacement she would always tell everyone how happy she was. If anyone asked... .life was perfect and things were great. Then she started texting me saying she missed me. I was shocked because i thought life was so good. When we got back together I asked her if things were so great why would she leave that. She told me that she was very unhappy but she would never let anyone ever know that.

So the fact that he is posting all this stuff on Facebook means nothing. It is a front. If I have learned anything from the years with my ex BPD it is... .they are incapable of being happy

WillTimeHeal,

Thank you very much for your response. I have to say - they must be very, very good at trying to convince everyone of their "happiness". My ex sure is doing a good job of it. It really makes me doubt the BPD - although all of his behaviors while with me screamed of it !  I heard the latest post is a Bob Marley quote about being afraid of love. Ya' think? 

I wonder if they hit a wall at some point and realize that they AREN'T happy? Or if this is just "normal" for them? It makes me angry to know he's pretending that I never existed. That he's acting as if they have the most amazing marriage. It's a lie.

I appreciate your thoughts on this. It truly does help.   

[lipstick]

if I draw on my own experience and what i've witnessed in my own network? People who are frequently posting and really active all over facebook, generally are in a feelingty about themselves phase.   It's happenned to me, and I see it with people who I know are going through a bad phase, and so hope that the attention they can gather on facebook, or the jealousy and envy they can provoke, can fill them up for a bit.  Just my (unprofessional) opinion!  

CaughtNReleased,

Thank you for responding. What you say makes sense. I have a friend (not BPD) who does this. And she freely admits that she needs the validation from people. Okay - I can accept that. And she doesn't paint a rosy picture of her life, either. She tells it like it is.

I believe what you and others on bpdfamily.com are saying. About it all being fake. Yet a part of me still doubts. He is really good at this!  His responses on FB to total strangers always have some reference to his marriage. Maybe he wants people to think he's normal? Always has to point out that he's a chef, is married, and lives on the beach. OH! And he's really arrogant, too (for no reason)!  

[peiper]

Lipstick,

When my ex left me one of the many times for a replacement she would always tell everyone how happy she was. If anyone asked... .life was perfect and things were great. Then she started texting me saying she missed me. I was shocked because i thought life was so good. When we got back together I asked her if things were so great why would she leave that. She told me that she was very unhappy but she would never let anyone ever know that.

So the fact that he is posting all this stuff on Facebook means nothing. It is a front. If I have learned anything from the years with my ex BPD it is... .they are incapable of being happy

WillTimeHeal,

Thank you very much for your response. I have to say - they must be very, very good at trying to convince everyone of their "happiness". My ex sure is doing a good job of it. It really makes me doubt the BPD - although all of his behaviors while with me screamed of it !  I heard the latest post is a Bob Marley quote about being afraid of love. Ya' think? 

I wonder if they hit a wall at some point and realize that they AREN'T happy? Or if this is just "normal" for them? It makes me angry to know he's pretending that I never existed. That he's acting as if they have the most amazing marriage. It's a lie.

I appreciate your thoughts on this. It truly does help.   

Lipstick, they were not happy before they meant us and will not be happy after us. The Facebook gig is just a mind game, oh look at me I'm so happy and my life is great. There's an old saying that the best revenge is having a good life, that's exactly what he's trying to project because he's miserable. Take care of you.

[lipstick]

Peiper,

Thanks again for your responses on this subject. Yes - I hear you and believe what you are saying. It's just that he's so darn GOOD at this!  Years of practice, perhaps?    

When I sit back and take a deep breath - I do see it for what it is. I think what will always be the "thorn" with me is that he pretends I don't exist. That "we" never happened. Yet he clings to an item that I bought for him like it's a precious jewel.

I've heard that saying about "living well is the best revenge".  Doing my best here. However - my mean side keeps hoping that the age difference between he and the spouse will eventually catch up to them. That Karma actually does exist. I don't like that I think that way - but it's there.

[peiper]

Peiper,

Thanks again for your responses on this subject. Yes - I hear you and believe what you are saying. It's just that he's so darn GOOD at this!  Years of practice, perhaps?    

When I sit back and take a deep breath - I do see it for what it is. I think what will always be the "thorn" with me is that he pretends I don't exist. That "we" never happened. Yet he clings to an item that I bought for him like it's a precious jewel.

I've heard that saying about "living well is the best revenge".  Doing my best here. However - my mean side keeps hoping that the age difference between he and the spouse will eventually catch up to them. That Karma actually does exist. I don't like that I think that way - but it's there.

They are very practiced at it. Karma will catch up in God's time. Maybe it's time to pull that thorn out and be done with it. After all it is what it is. Be good to yourself

[willtimeheal]

Lipstick... .I don't think that way either but I do also hope karma exists and my ex gets her fair share. I hate that I am thinking like that but I am.

[peiper]

I'm curious how much rent does he pay you lipstick?

[guy4caligirl]

Going through life is like being on a stage 12 hours a day , till they get to sleep , even when they sleep their subconscious is at work , my ex use to have sudden shocks and smile or cry while sleeping .

I do Not think they ever fell in love , this love thing does not exist for them I think that's why they start devaluating us instead of growing their love .( My ex never had her heart broken by any how about yours ?)

FB is a great place for them they can be behind the screen crying but , show on as blissfully happy , Hence they never tell you how happy they are when talking to them on the phone they simply are not if they were , a miracle happened and they are totally BPD free .  Impossible . How could they when they usually down grade when we're replaced to a poor living condition , in most cases ?

It's just a wicked Illness and we had to experience it for a reason ?

I still don't know why God put us in this relation ? and what for ?

How can you make" a blind horse see " ?

[peiper]

Going through life is like being on a stage 12 hours a day , till they get to sleep , even when they sleep their subconscious is at work , my ex use to have sudden shocks and smile or cry while sleeping .

I do Not think they ever fell in love , this love thing does not exist for them I think that's why they start devaluating us instead of growing their love .( My ex never had her heart broken by any how about yours ?)

FB is a great place for them they can be behind the screen crying but , show on as blissfully happy , Hence they never tell you how happy they are when talking to them on the phone they simply are not if they were , a miracle happened and they are totally BPD free .  Impossible . How could they when they usually down grade when we're replaced to a poor living condition , in most cases ?

It's just a wicked Illness and we had to experience it for a reason ?

I still don't know why God put us in this relation ? and what for ?

How can you make" a blind horse see " ?

Funny you put it that way, my T has told me several times that their like the wizard of oz, pull back the curtain and you have a scared little mean person

[guy4caligirl]

Am glad you played it in your mind . But isn't that sad though ?

I feel like being angry at them and tell them how a horrible person they were and not to forget about yourself that you allowed it to torture you , I think  it's the best way to obtain your peace at the end and go on isn't it ?

[lipstick]

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts / comments. It's been very helpful and I much appreciate it!

I'm feeling much better about the whole "Fakebook" thing. Considering the fact a mutual friend told me the ex was on FB last night from around 8:00 p.m till well after midnight (WTH?) - it pretty much confirms what all of you have been telling me.