Insecurity

[foggydew]

My uBPD person has been working away now for six months. We had a fair amout of contact at first, but as the demands of the job and his colleagues grow, he is becoming much less communicative. The relationship is also  a bit out of the ordinary, more a friendship/family relationship than anything else, as we are very different in age. Anyway, he is just being his usual uncommunicative self (which has happened often in the last 5 years) but right now I'm not dealing with it very well. It's also to do with Christmas, I suppose, as everyone else has family, and I don't. We were planning to go away together again, but as he was hesitant about telling his parents (with whom I get on well). I said that he didn't need to feel responible for me. His answer was that he would always be there till I sent him away.

I KNOW he often refuses to have any communication  - with anyone, outside of those he must deal with daily. He often feels overwhelmed. I KNOW he is having a tough time at work. But no contact except one word answers to questions, and being ignored, is making me feel really depressed and valueless. I do go out, I do meet people, try to get involved... but I'm always alone on Sundays. I presume this is still part of the pattern - with my intellect - but my emotions keep getting the better of me. My husband died 5 years ago, and since that time uBPD person has been my support and closest contact. How ever can I cope with myself to get through this time of insecurity? I'm afraid of losing him - silly really, because there is no reason I should.

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[ColdEthyl]

How ever can I cope with myself to get through this time of insecurity? I'm afraid of losing him - silly really, because there is no reason I should.

It's not stupid... .I find myself thinking the same things, especially when I didn't understand what was going on when he went on a rage and said such hurtful things. There are times where my dBPDh shuts down and doesn't talk much. Same as you... .head nods... .one word answers. Then, other times, he talks for hours on end, sometimes repeating the same train of thought over and over again.

With him, I realized it was going to be feast or famine. One the days where it's feast, most often he is on the verge if a dysregulation, so I smile, hold eye contact, etc and let him get it out. During famine times, I have my own hobbies and my children I entertain myself with.

I guess you have to get to the point where you understand it's not you. Your fear is only because part of you still questions yourself, did you do something wrong? etc etc when you haven't.

Do you have other ways of satisfying those needs on Sundays?