I'm a Adult Child of an Alcoholic

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Has anyone else here on there road to recovery found out they are suffering from ACoA. My ex ripped some scabs off my inner child ones I never realised I had until now. If you do suffer what tools for ACoA have helped you?.

[neverloveagain]

Has anyone else here on there road to recovery found out they are suffering from ACoA. My ex ripped some scabs off my inner child ones I never realised I had until now. If you do suffer what tools for ACoA have helped you?.

[JerryRG]

I was involved in ACOA for a while early on and started Alanon because of my exgf drug addiction then got bumped over into AA, I will do anything to get well. Stinks that I need any of them but they all help us so I'm in for life, literally. Would not be able to deal with all I've been through the last 4 years and now I'm not just surviving I'm improving and actually happy, hopeful and growing up.

[Suzn]

Neverloveagain I didn't have an alcoholic parent however I did have an alcoholic uncle who was my main abuser so I can relate. The tools that have helped me the most have been practicing DBT coping techniques. This is a helpful list www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/connecting_skills.html

These coping skills work hand in hand with AA too JerryRG.

[confusedandangry]

Question?  So you think that children of alcoholic parents are more likely to be in a relationship with someone who has BPD?  Asking because I am a child of an abusive alcoholic father and a neglectful mother when I was younger.  Sometimes I wonder if my mom has BPD... .

[MapleBob]

My uBPDex (actually, BOTH of them) were ACoA's. It seems to be equally likely that an ACoA becomes a codependent (non) OR suffers from personality/mood disorders.

That's probably a huge generalization, but I've seen it myself.

[WoundedBibi]

My parents hardly touched the stuff so I'm not speaking from my own personal experience but having met a lot of different people with issues, I do think being the child of an alcoholic increases the chance of becoming a codependent or having mood disorders (sometimes ending up in using alcohol or other substances themselves).

And being a codependent or having mood disorders (or both) IMO increases your chances of ending up in an abusive relationship significantly.

[Notwendy]

An alcoholic ( or addict ) is often paired with a co-dependent. Also, some people with BPD also struggle with addictions. In my area, the ACOA group includes children from homes with dysfunction. The focus of the group is healing childhood wounds and looking at the family patterns that were passed on from generation to generation. Since there are a lot of overlapping issues in families with a pw BPD and families with alcoholics, the groups can be helpful to both situations.

Most helpful to me? Going through the steps with a sponsor helped me to get into the issues. Groups are helpful too, but I think a sponsor really helps to do the personal work involved.

[MapleBob]

The focus of the group is healing childhood wounds and looking at the family patterns that were passed on from generation to generation. Since there are a lot of overlapping issues in families with a pw BPD and families with alcoholics, the groups can be helpful to both situations.

That's basically the overlap in *everyone's* issues, codependents, nons, cluster-B's, everybody. Unless you're one of the singularly rare people who grew up in a 100% healthy home, you basically at some point have to do this work.

Most helpful to me? Going through the steps with a sponsor helped me to get into the issues. Groups are helpful too, but I think a sponsor really helps to do the personal work involved.

I did group therapy, and having a variety of outside perspectives is GREAT for personal accountability and gauging what are reasonable expectations to have for oneself in these tough situations. I never did 12-Step, but I know a lot of people who did/do, and I've seen it really transform people for the better.