Hello I'm new here.

[DancerDeferred]

Hello everyone,

My mother has BPD, although she was originally diagnosed with bipolar disorder the first time she was put in forced observation.  Ever since I moved out and started life outside of my family of origin, I have been twisting in the wind.  I suffered from depression (which has since gotten a lot better), I struggle with Binge Eating Disorder, and I have a pervasive feeling that I am the worst person in the world.  I have longed not for death but for non-existence- to never have been born because I felt that I had screwed up so royally that not even death was an answer.  I recently started working with a therapist and I've been going to OA meetings for my BED, both of which have been a massive help.  I'm still coming to terms with the fact that my mother has BPD but everything that I've read so far on parents with BPD on this site and others have been so scarily descriptive of my childhood that I am in shock.  I am so relieved to have found some place where I realize I'm not alone.  I am so grateful that I found this website and I hope that I'm brave enough to keep posting and to work on my recovery.  Thank you so much for being here.  Just knowing I'm not alone is such an amazing gift.

[Woolspinner2000]

  DancerD!

You are among friends and understanding people here. There are a lot of great resources as well. It's great that you have reached out to us so that we can help you along the way, walking beside you as you travel this journey to discovery and healing. We are good listeners and will try to help you when we can.

For perhaps the first time when we visit this site, we realize we have many others who are like us, trying to recover from the wounds of our family members with BPD. It has been very soul soothing for me to visit and share with my online family. I too am working at healing from my uBPDm.

Keep posting!

Woolspinner

[HappyChappy]

DancerDeferred You certainly arn't alone. There's loads of us. Reading your post reminded me of when the penny first droped for me. You'll get plenty of validation here, and people don't tend to judge.

Good that you've got access to Therapy, it helped me.

It's normal to take time to come to terms with the realisation. I've often read you need to grieve the loss of the mother you thought you should have had.

[Ziggiddy]

Hi DancerDeferred

I just wanted to add my welcome in with HappyChappy's and Woolspinner's.

I am sorry you have had such a struggle with so many things. I am however relieved you have a diagnosis for your mother as it will make understanding her behaviour easier for you. Also understanding its effects on yourself can help you make sense of things you may never have understood before.

I too have had an unhealthy r/ship with food and been through obesity more than once. I found out how deep the effects of my own mother's undiagnosed BPD have had in my life in compulsions, overeating, alcohol and drug problems etc. I am hopeful for you to get a deeper understanding that will help you.

It's really great, too that you have sought out help. It's a very very difficult disorder to deal with and you will definitely benefit from having a good therapist to help you through.

You may wish to have a look at some of the material in the onsite library. if you haven't already seen it I would recommend having a look at the information on how a BPD mother affects her children. I will post the link here

Article 8: How a Mother with Borderline Personality Disorder Affects Her Children

I too hope you continue to post. It was courageous of you to post this thread but it gets easier. people here are really supportive as HappyChappy pointed out we have no desire to judge. We just try to help each other through the rough times and difficulties that are so common with BPD.

I look forward to hearing more details of your story and further posts, DancerDeferred.

Ziggiddy

[DancerDeferred]

Thanks, everyone!  Thank you so much for welcoming me!  I can't tell you how much it means to me.  I have felt like my family was the only one that was like this for so long.  It's such a relief to have this understanding from other people who have lived what me and my siblings have gone through!