I'm a jackass

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Ha, after 24 days NC she finally messages me. Its taken her 24 days to go from silence to finally answering my final message. Apparently I go "Jecal and hide" on her. She just wants to be friends, we have the same 'sorta banter level' and she 'loved' saying hi to me, seeing me. She's all like "you go all p*ssy with me because I can't give you what you want".

Her perception is so off, I said goodbye because I wanted to be in a relationship with her and she had a boyfriend, I wanted to go seperate ways, and she went silent, which suited me perfectly. Anyway, She sent me more than 10 messages (some of which haven't come through because my phone is very basic). but the general gist is that she's unhappy that I don't speak to her anymore, she wanted to be friends (read emotional tampon), and now after 24 days she's venting on me.

She's very passive aggressive, I think she expected me to come crawling and I haven't and its getting to her, I haven't replied, I'm fighting temptation hence me writing this. Literally I laughed when I got these messages, its unbelievable how its all about her, obviously I understand and theoretically I'm sympathetic, but to actually experience it makes me still feel bewildered. No matter what she won't change, she won't leave her bf or anything, so what do I get from it? Nothing!

She'll go quiet again, in the hopes that resumed contact will cause me to miss her and reply. Its happened before, but the truth is, all this is is a reflection of whats going on in her life, something has probably happened today that she would normally tell me about, whether good or bad... and so she tried to push me into contact, assuming that at some point she could then talk about this. The numerous texts are her confusion and anxiety, the equivalent of her waffling in person. Now, if contact did resume she would call me, hook me in, and then things would simply go back to normal. Then a few days later I would wake up, and end contact again, or she would have a massive go at me and go NC on me.

[christoff522]

Ha, after 24 days NC she finally messages me. Its taken her 24 days to go from silence to finally answering my final message. Apparently I go "Jecal and hide" on her. She just wants to be friends, we have the same 'sorta banter level' and she 'loved' saying hi to me, seeing me. She's all like "you go all p*ssy with me because I can't give you what you want".

Her perception is so off, I said goodbye because I wanted to be in a relationship with her and she had a boyfriend, I wanted to go seperate ways, and she went silent, which suited me perfectly. Anyway, She sent me more than 10 messages (some of which haven't come through because my phone is very basic). but the general gist is that she's unhappy that I don't speak to her anymore, she wanted to be friends (read emotional tampon), and now after 24 days she's venting on me.

She's very passive aggressive, I think she expected me to come crawling and I haven't and its getting to her, I haven't replied, I'm fighting temptation hence me writing this. Literally I laughed when I got these messages, its unbelievable how its all about her, obviously I understand and theoretically I'm sympathetic, but to actually experience it makes me still feel bewildered. No matter what she won't change, she won't leave her bf or anything, so what do I get from it? Nothing!

She'll go quiet again, in the hopes that resumed contact will cause me to miss her and reply. Its happened before, but the truth is, all this is is a reflection of whats going on in her life, something has probably happened today that she would normally tell me about, whether good or bad... and so she tried to push me into contact, assuming that at some point she could then talk about this. The numerous texts are her confusion and anxiety, the equivalent of her waffling in person. Now, if contact did resume she would call me, hook me in, and then things would simply go back to normal. Then a few days later I would wake up, and end contact again, or she would have a massive go at me and go NC on me.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

i feel for you man.

same thing happened to me a day and week ago, i got six messages.

then a week ago she sent stop ignoring me!

then tues messaged my asking why i wont talk.

yesterday a little over 24 hours later said she deleting my number bye.

All the while ive been nc and i didnt even give her an explanation.

personally i dont feel she deserves one.

kinda know this wont be the last one as they hate their game being spun around on them.

oh the joys of having a BPD ex!

[christoff522]

i feel for you man.

same thing happened to me a day and week ago, i got six messages.

then a week ago she sent stop ignoring me!

then tues messaged my asking why i wont talk.

yesterday a little over 24 hours later said she deleting my number bye.

All the while ive been nc and i didnt even give her an explanation.

personally i dont feel she deserves one.

kinda know this wont be the last one as they hate their game being spun around on them.

oh the joys of having a BPD ex!

Yeah a few weeks ago, we had a row and I stopped talking to her, then a week later she messaged me, i ignored, then the next day 1 more message, then the day after saying I was ignoring her. Then I replied saying I wasn't ignoring her and that I'd been really busy. Then the recycle began. Then a few days later I ended it, 24 days later... boom she's blowing up my phone.

The one thing a BPD hates is to be ignored, its certain to get you texted. ":)on't leave me!"

I know its better for me like this. I always say though that I can't predict the future... but as it is right now, I don't want anything!

[Chasing_Ghosts]

yeah it definitely be alot easier for you to not want her atm cuz shes with somebody.

im tempted to respond back.

mostly just because it really bothers me that i dont know if she has a bf or not.

in which case would help me have leverage as im in the position where i can make an ultimatum.

this would also help me better assess nc and me not wanting anything to do with her currently.

what do you think man?

[christoff522]

yeah it definitely be alot easier for you to not want her atm cuz shes with somebody.

im tempted to respond back.

mostly just because it really bothers me that i dont know if she has a bf or not.

in which case would help me have leverage as im in the position where i can make an ultimatum.

this would also help me better assess nc and me not wanting anything to do with her currently.

what do you think man?

I think it's better to just completely avoid her and make no attempts at contact. I've been where you are, and tbh if she doesn't have a bf she's sleeping around, remember that a BPD keeps people as friends to use and *cough* do stuff with whenever she wants. You're not in a psychological position to cope with that, she'd be danging the carrot and you'd be left hoping for a relationship or whatever and her reply would be "we're friends", don't go there man, I've been there, its horrid, painful and was the last straw in me cutting off contact, my intention at the moment is to ignore her in person, ignore her on the phone, and to consistently and frequently make an inventory of my feelings in relation to her. I suggest you do the same.

[Infern0]

Your not wrong. Friends is impossible with them. We had a recycle while we were "friends" well she was doing the sex deprivation phase on her new boyfriend,  "hung out" with me and we had sex and the next day I got " I've cheated on my boyfriend and feel guilty can we pretend it didn't happen"

I said yeah sure but I think that wasn't the response she wanted because she tried to do it with me again.

It's too much of a mind ___.

[Chasing_Ghosts]

Thanks Chris.

I definitely agree thats the best idea.

Idk its just weird that she got a new phone and sent me a bunch of pics of us as a couple... but sent Lmao. That confused me.

Hate to bombard your thread with questions i just really respect your opinion as a dj.

Whats your take on this?

[christoff522]

Thanks Chris.

I definitely agree thats the best idea.

Idk its just weird that she got a new phone and sent me a bunch of pics of us as a couple... but sent Lmao. That confused me.

Hate to bombard your thread with questions i just really respect your opinion as a dj.

Whats your take on this?

Thank you man, the best way to deal with this stuff is to say "If I were a true DJ how would I react to this", often the simplest answer - have nothing to do with them - is the best one.

lmao probably just meant "how much fun we had", but sent in such a way as to not make it obvious - avoid the guilt centres.

Like Infern0 said, its impossible to stay friends because they react to every situation individually, you spend time with her, she gets horny and uses you, then the next day feels bad about it. Every day is one day at a time and for a normal person the lack of consistency will just send you over the edge.

You cannot look for patterns with a BPD, they're inconsistent emotionally, up down, down up, up up, down, down, up up up up etc, and this reflects in their lives. Don Juan's are at the foremost mature men, they act like mature men and it's finding that maturity that'll counteract all of this. Women want two things from men, power, and excitement, a 'beta' will provide neither of these things, but a BPD is drawn to the beta. This is no slight on any man here, but I think that they will understand what I'm saying. An alpha they know is pointless, they can't get anything from them, an alpha will just ignore them and find them annoying. But a guy who has no control over his relationships - a "yes dear" - sort of guy is easy to take advantage of. Maturity is the way to dealing with them, theres a thread on here about emotional maturity and that is what we all need to seek, it's a daily battle but you can get there. What I do is listen to the way people talk, especially men to their girlfriends, the usual response to a question is short and succinct, and said with power. A beta in a relationship tries to please the girl, an alpha pleases himself.

So, having said all that, what would please YOU more: being in an on off relationship with a girl who loves you one minute and hates you the next, or being single and developing yourself as a man?

Understand, any contact with your BPD is as good as saying "i need you, i want you, please don't leave me". It will always put YOU in the weaker position to be taken advantage of. Now, give it 6 months, develop yourself and your confidence, and maybe you'll see her out and about in a nightclub and she'll be all over you, that puts YOU in the power position. Ignore phone communications, ignore any attempts outside of the physical, unless she's in front of you, begging you to come back... don't engage. If she is ever before you, take advantage of it if YOU want, but don't allow yourself to be taken advantage of.

If I do ever see mine out in the nightclubs, I know she'll come running across, I'll deal with that situation then, but I've thought about this, and I don't know if I would bother. Its all mither that I just don't want. Be better than it, if it's enough to bring you to an internet forum, baring your soul then you should realise that it's not healthy, nor conducive to good mental health.

The best advice I've seen is from a thread on BPD, the poster said something to the effect of "RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, THEY WILL DESTROY YOU".

[christoff522]

Your not wrong. Friends is impossible with them. We had a recycle while we were "friends" well she was doing the sex deprivation phase on her new boyfriend,  "hung out" with me and we had sex and the next day I got " I've cheated on my boyfriend and feel guilty can we pretend it didn't happen"

I said yeah sure but I think that wasn't the response she wanted because she tried to do it with me again.

It's too much of a mind F*CK[/url].

yeah, I honestly considered continuing friends for just that reason actually, I knew it would come.

But, when you're in that situation you tend to romanticise it and dream of what may be, relationships, hearing her say I love you, and when she's with someone else that seems kind of empty thinking. When she's doing the things you wanted to do with her, with someone else, just simple things like going the movies, the gym, or going to parties... its like, I'm just some toy she puts on the shelf until she's bored.