POF Usernames

[Seriously?]

I should not have looked, but I got myself in a mood the other day and did. My husband is still on POF. When he first left, he had one user name. He has had two others I know of since then. He has been gone since June. I am perplexed why he's changed his profile so many times in just under six months. He also changes his answers on the questionnaires because the generated reports on his "chemistry" and relationship needs changes. It hurt to read he is "so over drama and games" because he accused me of both when we separated. I was the one with a stable home, family, and job. If there was drama, it wasn't part of my life before I got involved with him. I understand intellectually he has no real sense of who he is, but he has to recognize this "pretending" behavior.  Anybody else experience seeing in black and white how deceptive a pwBPD can be? One of the pictures he has up, he took in my home. That made me so angry. I don't understand that reaction on my part. I guess because I have not heard from him at all, I had the idea he didn't want any reminders of our marriage due to shame. Obviously,  it doesn't bother him to see my home in the background of his profile picture. I have decided not to look at POF anymore.  It churned up too many feelings.

[Targeted]

Plenty of fruits!

Plenty of freaks!

[.cup.car]

If somebody needs to use the internet to meet new people, you gotta ask yourself why all the people they've met through normal means (work/school/leisure activities) haven't stuck around.

Online dating is dangerous because there's no human background check; there's no buddy to say "oh yeah he/she used to date so-and-so" or "oh yeah, he/she's in my class, real nice guy/girl!"

[Visitor]

Online dating is dangerous because there's no human background check; there's no buddy to say "oh yeah he/she used to date so-and-so" or "oh yeah, he/she's in my class, real nice guy/girl!"

Just as she was showing me interest my buddy (who worked with her) said "her rages at work are legendary, she almost got fired because of it".

Her colleagues also referred to her as "the crazy" haha...

ALWAYS listen to other people's warnings!... .these girls are forever single/changing boyfriends for a reason.

[Painterly2014]

Hi Seriously: Just like you I have a BPDh that is on web sites etc.  It is true that he has no idea who he is or what he stands for.  I think that is common from what I have read.  He has gotten worse with age. Its all subject to change at a moments notice with him.  We are separated and going to divorce and he has been out now about 6 weeks.  We have been married for 25 years.  Have 2 grown kiddos that don't live near by, and keep up with them on face book. Logged into facebook yesterday and a seen list of people I might know and want to be friends with come up.  2 of them were former affair partners of his. One is just a F**k buddy.  Went to his page and sure enough he has just friended them.  My stomach started turning and hasn't stopped yet. As if that was enough emotional hell, today I looked at his personal banking record to see charges for things that I would prefer not to know such as massages.  I inflicted that on myself.  I am sitting here right now swilling jack daniels and wondering what the heck is wrong with me.  NC and No Looking at their twisted online junk is the only way to maintain sanity.  I have unfriended him and have to fight the urge to snoop. Its hard to do but I am thinking its the only way.   At this stage of the game what possible good can come from knowing any of that.

[Seriously?]

Thanks, Painterly. It makes me feel crazy. He told me the last time we talked that there is something wrong with me that I can't  just let go. I married him. That's why. I believed who he pretended to be and still question whether I am making a mistake in what I now believe. I feel crazy and hurt and just sad. Sometimes it truly overwhelms me. The truth that he does not care and never did is so painful. Stand with me in not looking at sites anymore.  It is just more crazy making from afar. I made the mistake of drinking on the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  Made my feelings at least 20 times worse.