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jhkbuzz
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« on: December 07, 2014, 02:50:50 PM » |
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My relationship with my BPDgf ended in August... .about four months ago. We were together for 8 years. She was a quiet pwBPD... .no raging but lots of passive aggressiveness. Beginning of the relationship was a whirlwind, she pushed to move in together quickly and to have a baby... .luckily we never ended up having a child together.
After we moved in together her "little girl" came out - and stayed out for a long time. As you can imagine, this made everything in our relationship extremely difficult - including parenting. About four years into the relationship (when we were having some serious parenting disagreements over my stepdaughter), her "teenage" self took over and began lying and cheating. It was awful, to say the least. I couldn't figure out what was happening - it is a deeply frightening experience to watch someone you love (and think you know) transform into someone you literally can't recognize. I stayed because I loved her - and because ending the relationship would meant she would have left with my stepdaughter, who was 15 years old. I couldn't allow that to happen.
Everything in our relationship came to a head this past May, when I found out she had an affair when my stepdaughter was a senior in high school. I knew about this man - she claimed that they went out on several coffee dates and kissed once (I saw a text). When I learned of it, she promised to stop communicating with him, and agreed to go to therapy. 8 months later I learned that she actually remained in contact with him, although she claimed the affair was over. This was the beginning of the end for me - with me telling her to get out, then deciding to reconcile, then her admission that it had actually been a full blown affair.
She made the decision to move out in August - she actually ended our relationship via email. She wanted to remain friends and talked about the possibility of reconciling in the future - although she refused couples therapy when I suggested it. For reasons I probably don't need to explain, being friends didn't work. We were in the middle of a texting conversation one day about a month after she moved out and she simply stopped responding. We haven't spoken since. About a month after that I happened to run into her - out on a date. With a totally different person. I assume it was someone she lined up before she moved out - they clearly weren't on a first date.
Our last contact was two months ago - I sent a text related to a (practical) loose end, and then I said goodbye. I blocked her email and phone numbers, and unfriended her on FB. She was not trying to communicate with me at that point - but I wanted to make sure she couldn't if she suddenly decided that she wanted to.
Anyway... .my question. I began to realize that she might be a pwBPD about two months before she moved out... .and then things that happened after we broke up confirmed it for me. I am thinking about sending her mail (anonymously) with information about BPD. She will not know it is from me. In her more lucid moments, she understands there is something very wrong with her. Her therapist has told her that in all the dysfunction in her life, "she is the common denominator." Thoughts?
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