Feel Raw After Being Vulnerable About This Experience?

[Hope0807]

Finding this board in August kinda saved me…big time!  All of us ultimately at any point in our lives just want to feel like we're part of something.  So when your world comes undone and you find that you've just survived a personality disordered person - there seems to be no more ALONE a feeling in the world than this one.  We could have dozens of friends and family members, but not a one will understand what we've been through…yet we're dying to tell our stories.  We're dying to feel validated and for someone to toss us a life preserver so we can hold on dearly to our dignity, goodness, and overall self worth. 

No matter who I talk to and convince myself, THIS person gets it and even they don't, they're totally in my corner - I tend to feel really raw after being vulnerable with them.  I'm guessing that's part of the intense shame that goes along with this sort of betrayal and healing process.  I desperately want to talk, but too often feel like maybe I just shouldn't bother.

Do you ever feel really raw after talking about your relationship with your PD ex to someone?  Do you have regrets about being that vulnerable and maybe even feel judged, like they see through you or judge you?

[Deeno02]

Yep, stupid that I could have fallen so hard. I know why now. Feel anger that I let her say bad things about my daughter and I did nothing. Feel very sensitive to how REALLY QUICKLY I was replaced. Sad that I never got to say good bye to her kids. Ashamed that I wasn't good enough for her and her ritzy friends that I was basically kept from them. Can't change it, but I have stopped talking much about it.

[LeftSidePain]

This place is a type of therapy for me. In my search for understanding I went to other sites as well, but this one seems to be more in line with what I am going through.

One of the things most people are told when your significant other leaves you is to exercise.

After my spouse left me I started reconnecting with friends. I had dropped whatever perceived hostility I had towards them and was ready to apologize for anything that may had happened in our past.

In an odd twist of fate one of my best friends that I had known for over 20 years, but had stopped talking to had been going through tough times as well. I walked up to his house knocked on his door. Walked three steps across his living room and hugged him. We both started crying. 1 full year of animosity and anger between us was gone in under 5 seconds flat. All I said was I'm sorry for everything and we just cried together.

I found out that night he had been diagnosed with a personality disorder and was on medication and going through therapy.

He wanted to lift weights again and so did I. We've been lifting now for about 3 months and I've been unloading everything that I read about or find or had gone through. He tells me everything his therapist says in their sessions and what he's been feeling his whole life. Odd how it all worked out.

Other than that I don't tell anyone about it. They wouldn't understand if I did and would feel I was making it up to make myself feel better. I'm don't need any faked sympathy.

[Pingo]

I do feel that way Hope and I am really careful who I discuss it with.  Actually there are some acquaintances I haven't even told we're separated and it's been almost 6 mths.  I just hate to see their face and their question "what happened".  Ugh, I hate to try to explain it.  This is what I said to my friend's sister yesterday when she asked me that: "Life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn't bring out the best in you". And left it at that.  I am thankful to have my T as I feel safe opening up to her and safe to feel that raw and vulnerable.  

[Faith1520]

I just got done bawling. Hope, your post really hit home with me. I feel everything you're saying. I am surrounded by loving family and a wonderful best friend yet I feel extremely alone. My best friend, my mom, and my T are the only ones I've gone in depth with about the situation. They are compassionate and couldnt be more sympathetic, but they just don't get it. During the relationship I always said that I wished that one of them could be a fly on the wall to see how it all goes down. BPD behavior is so far out that to physically be there during one of these episodes is the only way to truly grasp it.

I absolutely understand feeling vulnerable or judged after opening up about what you've been through! The whole experience is such a far cry from even the very worst relationship most people have ever dealt with, let alone can even imagine. I am dreading friends that I'm less close with asking about the breakup because I don't know what's best to say. How much to put out there.

I find myself wanting to be alone almost all the time. If I'm around people than Id rather it be strangers because when I'm around my family I have such an urge to talk about it but at the same time I don't want to because they won't understand. It feels like there's this big divide between me and the rest of the world. The only time I feel "normal" or somewhat at peace is when I'm reading self help books or when I'm visiting these boards.

[Cielo]

I'm really glad that you wrote this post.  It really hits home with me.  I am also new to this site and to my experience with a pBPD. It is the only source that GETS what I am going through and allows me to vent in an understanding and educational environment.  My ex and I had a short 3 month relationship.  She is from my hometown, but she now lives across the country.  Within that time we spent 3 full weeks together and it was amazing.  She was the first girl I said "I love you" to in 12 years... .very special to me.  She broke up with me right after our vacation together saying she just lost feelings for me. 

Now although it was short, but very intense, I don't think my friends and family really understand the emotional rollercoaster that I've been on and how devastated to the core i'm feeling right now.   These kinds of b/u destroy your self worth and embarrass you to the point that you are reduced to a sliver of who you were before the relationship.  The worst part is, we didn't do anything wrong, except to love them. 

Now that I've been in sheer pain the past 2 months I've had a lot of trial and error with my thoughts and emotions.  When I am completely sulking and don't see any light at the end of this dark tunnel I meditate and recognize the pain, realizing that the pain isn't me, just an effect of my experience.  The pain is a lesson to us all to recognize our true value and not accept our exBPD's devaluing accusations.  We are wonderful human beings who cared very much for the well being and happiness of another.  That is not something to continually beat ourselves up over again and again. 

I try and think about Dr. Emoto's experiment with water:   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAvzsjcBtx8

Our thoughts about ourselves are real and become true, whatever they may be. 

[Hope0807]

What PD was your friend diagnosed with?  Great to hear they are open to and engaged in therapy.

This place is a type of therapy for me. In my search for understanding I went to other sites as well, but this one seems to be more in line with what I am going through.

One of the things most people are told when your significant other leaves you is to exercise.

After my spouse left me I started reconnecting with friends. I had dropped whatever perceived hostility I had towards them and was ready to apologize for anything that may had happened in our past.

In an odd twist of fate one of my best friends that I had known for over 20 years, but had stopped talking to had been going through tough times as well. I walked up to his house knocked on his door. Walked three steps across his living room and hugged him. We both started crying. 1 full year of animosity and anger between us was gone in under 5 seconds flat. All I said was I'm sorry for everything and we just cried together.

I found out that night he had been diagnosed with a personality disorder and was on medication and going through therapy.

He wanted to lift weights again and so did I. We've been lifting now for about 3 months and I've been unloading everything that I read about or find or had gone through. He tells me everything his therapist says in their sessions and what he's been feeling his whole life. Odd how it all worked out.

Other than that I don't tell anyone about it. They wouldn't understand if I did and would feel I was making it up to make myself feel better. I'm don't need any faked sympathy.

[downwhim]

Hope, thank you for your post. I am grateful for this site and found it a few weeks ago. Those that are on here understand first hand life with a borderline. Friends and family I feel it is time to just move on, he was a jerk, really you think he has BPD, oh well... .They don't get the emotional abuse and do not understand the illness and how it affects those closest to them.

They do not know what it feels like to give what you think is the best of yourself and to truly love this person and get kicked to the ground and stepped as they dust themselves off and walk away.

It's hard to get over 8 years with someone in 8 weeks. It would be great to feel nothing and I hope to get to that point after healing. I am surrounded by self help books, many suggested by those on this site and reading the posts REALLY helps. I feel safe, not judged and am learning through all of you... .