'Normal, healthy adult conversation'

[Depression = 72% of members]

This week I had a very good friend stay with me.

We sat up for hours laughing, talking, being curious about different topics, exploring differences and similarity of opinions in a respectful friendly way.

During my time with the exBPDgf, I could never have conversations like that - they were always very surface level, pragmatic. I was never sure whether something I would say would result in a scolding or telling off or telling that I was wrong or what I should think instead.

I cannot tell you how good and normal this week's conversation made me feel. Plus laughing again. There can never be too much laughter I've decided.

I hope you all can enjoy conversations like this soon too.

[parisian]

This week I had a very good friend stay with me.

We sat up for hours laughing, talking, being curious about different topics, exploring differences and similarity of opinions in a respectful friendly way.

During my time with the exBPDgf, I could never have conversations like that - they were always very surface level, pragmatic. I was never sure whether something I would say would result in a scolding or telling off or telling that I was wrong or what I should think instead.

I cannot tell you how good and normal this week's conversation made me feel. Plus laughing again. There can never be too much laughter I've decided.

I hope you all can enjoy conversations like this soon too.

[sweetheart]

Hello parisian,

I have come to realise that I really miss laughing, these last couple of years with my h in freefall laughter has been particularly absent in our home. I am a much more serious, withdrawn person than I used to be. I find myself telling me to lighten up especially when I am with my s6. I am sure he must think that his mummy is so very humourless a lot of the time. Your post really touched me, I have few friends but the ones I have I find that I am often giddy and silly with in a way that I appreciate all the more because I experience so little of it.

As for normal conversations I have no expectations anymore of these within my marriage so I have found them elsewhere and I could not live without them. 

[vortex of confusion]

I can relate to this. For years, I was isolated and didn't really talk to anybody but my kids, my husband, and immediate family. I got a job outside of the house this year and it is amazing how different it is to communicate with somebody other than my spouse or children. It is odd because I will say things and then brace myself for repercussions and nothing will happen. It is so great to chit chat with my customers at work and have them listen and joke.

I sent an email to a coworker about something. I was so afraid that I would upset her because I was giving honest feedback about something. She solicited input and I sent her something that didn't quite agree with her. I was so afraid. I got a nice response from her thanking me for the feedback. It is so unbelievably amazing to be able to have normal, healthy adult conversations. I didn't realize how screwed up things were. 

[parisian]

Vortex - it's not great when you feel nervous about making comments to someone because we're afraid of how they will respond. It was nice you got a pleasant experience from that.

Sweetheart - sounds like you have an excellent support network outside your marriage. That certainly helps!

Towards the end of my exBPD r/s, I would make silly comments, or comments that were clearly exaggerations, designed to be humor. My exBPDgf would 'correct' me. She'd point out why that clearly was not true or the case or argue what I'd said, and I'd have to say that it was a joke, that I was joking.

When I pointed that out to her, she dismissed it saying she was a serious person. Yet when she was out with her group of enablers or socialising, and had the mask on, she laughed at everything and everyone, making jokes herself.

Laughing with people is good for the soul and I'm glad to be free of a horrible stifling r/s where I couldn't even laugh, or where everything was so serious.

[workinprogress]

Vortex - it's not great when you feel nervous about making comments to someone because we're afraid of how they will respond. It was nice you got a pleasant experience from that.

Sweetheart - sounds like you have an excellent support network outside your marriage. That certainly helps!

Towards the end of my exBPD r/s, I would make silly comments, or comments that were clearly exaggerations, designed to be humor. My exBPDgf would 'correct' me. She'd point out why that clearly was not true or the case or argue what I'd said, and I'd have to say that it was a joke, that I was joking.

When I pointed that out to her, she dismissed it saying she was a serious person. Yet when she was out with her group of enablers or socialising, and had the mask on, she laughed at everything and everyone, making jokes herself.

Laughing with people is good for the soul and I'm glad to be free of a horrible stifling r/s where I couldn't even laugh, or where everything was so serious.

Parisian, "Stifling" is the perfect word for it.

I haven't been able to have a good conversation with my wife in years.  Unless she wants to talk about something, she could care less. 

I also miss laughter.

[Ziggiddy]

Interesting thread, parisian. And so positive to read your experience with your friend.

I really think we are only free with laughter if we feel safe. It's odd how friends - trusted friends can make fun of you till the cows come home and you don't feel impinged upon yet your pwBPD can say something politely that crushes your soul.

I have lately noticed that after therapy I can really plumb-the-depths down but soon after be shrieking with deep wonderful laughter from someone or something truly funny. I worried this was manic for awhile but then I thought it's so NICE to laugh from the bones  -i don't care if it's manic, I'm having it!

vortex

It is odd because I will say things and then brace myself for repercussions and nothing will happen.

It is so unbelievably amazing to be able to have normal, healthy adult conversations.

Totally identify. And to think, they were doing it all along while I was hiding in self doubt! Amazing