NC Broke

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I am so f---- pissed at myself right now.I was doing pretty good and bamm,she started calling me crying and crying leaving messeges.So I did call her and she roped me in with everything I wanted to hear.She is having trouble were she is staying with her friend and FRIENDS boyfriend.

So I do what I do best and listen and I am right back at it.I told her she could come here.She said she would meet me today and no calls.

My take is she is staying there and today its all good.So then I snapped and left her angry messeges and now I feel terrible I did that.She angers me to no end with MIXED MESSEGES and PLAYING MY MIND... .

So once again I am an idiot to this woman that I can't seem to walk away from for any length of time.It's so sad that I am a wimp to this woman who is KILLING ME.I allowed myself to be sucked in and used again by her and then abandoned again.

How can I walk away from this and close this chapter.This is a nightmare I got myself involved with... .

[NYMike]

I am so f---- pissed at myself right now.I was doing pretty good and bamm,she started calling me crying and crying leaving messeges.So I did call her and she roped me in with everything I wanted to hear.She is having trouble were she is staying with her friend and FRIENDS boyfriend.

So I do what I do best and listen and I am right back at it.I told her she could come here.She said she would meet me today and no calls.

My take is she is staying there and today its all good.So then I snapped and left her angry messeges and now I feel terrible I did that.She angers me to no end with MIXED MESSEGES and PLAYING MY MIND... .

So once again I am an idiot to this woman that I can't seem to walk away from for any length of time.It's so sad that I am a wimp to this woman who is KILLING ME.I allowed myself to be sucked in and used again by her and then abandoned again.

How can I walk away from this and close this chapter.This is a nightmare I got myself involved with... .

[H Hi]

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Don't be hard on yourself. You sound like a really caring guy and you care and have feelings for her. You can't just turn that off. You can make it less and less though.

I can only say what is helping me. Firstly I wrote her a letter saying that I cared about her and would remember the good times but I didn't want contact with her as she treated me with a complete  lack of respect. Secondly I went NC. Thirdly I cried my eyes out every day, still cry daily but it's less. Fourth, I wrote down all the ___ty things she said and did to me and posted them around my house. Fifth, I wrote myself a letter to read every time I miss her about how she treated me and how miserable I was in the end with her. Sixth, I've started to put me first instead of her. The first thing I'm doing is resting and eating properly. Small steps

I hope some of this helps.

[NYMike]

I guess I just don't understand anymore.She seemed so real and sincere,then BAM the next day I hear nothing from her... .

This is just to crazy and hurtful for me anymore.I am SO ANGRY NOW,AGAIN.!

NC 100% may be the answer and walk away from trying to make sence of BPD and Her Mental Illness...

[H Hi]

Very similar thing happened to me. I thought (wanted to) she meant everything she said. She knew exactly what to say, knew what was bothering me. It's manipulation. Actions speak louder than words.

Unless she is comited to getting long term help and recognises she has BPD she isn't likely to change. I'm sorry.

It's good to be angry. It shows you're feeling. Use that anger in the right way. Anger is a gift

[NYMike]

Now my beautiful home has a lot of her stuff in it and she won't come get this stuff and plays games with me.

I asked her many times to get this stuff and she ignores me.She won't answer the question on what to do with it.It is her mothers stuff and I can't toss it out.That will make me be a bad guy and add to her painting me black.Plus I am not that type of guy to toss peoples stuff to the curb.

Do I just deliver it to were she is staying at.?.It's like she wants this connection with this stuff here...

[H Hi]

I'd suggest telling her a definite time and date when you are taking her stuff back. Set some clear boundaries and make it non negotiable. Try to remember your dealing with a 3 year old (mentally).

Tell her if she isn't in or won't answer the door then you have no choice but to take it round to her mother's.

It doesn't matter what you do. You will always be the bad guy until she paints you white again. Is she does.

Mine wanted her stuff back at 11 am one Sunday.  I went round and knocked on the door at 10:30 she wouldn't answer so I rang her. No answer. So I left her stuff outside her door. She rang up 5 mins later and I asked her why she didn't answer the door. She said because it wasn't 11 am. Pathetic. I then got text after text telling me I needed help and was an emotional mess.

[rockgirl]

Leaving her stuff there is a way to hold on, still have her foot in the door. Right now, she's likely to want you to chase her, she set out the bait and got the response she wanted. They know us, every detail as to how to play us. We are the rescuers... .

Maybe you can just box up all that stuff and put in a closet... .maybe you want it there still? I know for me, as long as their stuff was still around, that meant it wasn't over, that there was hope they'd come back. When I finally decided I was done, I packed it all up, returned it to a family member of theirs and officially let go. Until then... .I left it all exactly where it was as I was still holding on.

Give yourself a break... .you're hurting and you genuinely care about her well being. It's ok! One day at a time... .

[nodiggity]

I would give a date where she has to give clear instructions on where she wants her stuff.

If she doesn't I would let her know in advance you will be putting it in storage and paying 2 months rent.  After that it is her problem.

She is making you keep her stuff so she can break NC.

[NYMike]

This really sucks.She will not make arrangements to get this beautiful stuff that is her mothers and I don't no were she lives anymore because that last place she went to fell apart on her(imagine that).

All I know is were she works.I could set it next to her car and she can take it from there.?