Limited Contact While Co Parenting

[mrshambles]

Some of us on the boards have no choice but to have LC, as we share children with our exBPD partners. I'm not really asking for advice, but more experiences I guess. I stayed cold and quite for a little while, but it seems just a bit easier to deal with her when I just answer questions or get along. I guess I was lucky enough to start detaching while still in the relationship, as I began to see her patterns and knew what to expect day to day. Don't get my wrong, it still sucks. But, I find it easier to deal with her as an object or stranger, rather than think of her as someone I was romantically involved with.

To my questions... .Has anyone else had experience with this? I haven't really had any negative remarks or behavior from her... .yet. I know I'm still painted black, which is totally fine with me. But some strange things occurred tonight via text. She found out that I went on a date... .how? I have no idea, but you guys know they seem to have unlimited resources. Anyway, she asked me if I was going on a 2nd? I told her that it wasn't her business. She then told me that she would like to know if I am dating or start dating. I just told her that If I were to be serious with anyone, I would let her know for the sake of the child, and that I will have good judgment on who will be in his life. She then started saying that she thought we were friends (?), and that I can talk to her about anything. Rather strange behavior. I just told her that we are friends, but things are and will always be complicated between her and I. She seemed to accept that.

Has anyone dealt with this before? I don't mind chit chatting about small crap, especially if it keeps her passive. But it almost felt like digging. What happens from this point? I know everyone is their own individual, but I'm hoping that the crazy train has finally left the station for good, and that I will be able to live a normal uncomplicated life for the rest of my child's days that we have to co parent.

Thoughts? Experiences?

[Rise]

I did the LC thing because of my kids as well. It's a tough road to walk down, but honestly it was the right choice for me and my family. The most important thing you can do is make sure you maintain firm boundaries. You're going to get tested. If you aren't able to maintain boundaries, you're just setting yourself up to welcome the crazy train right back into your life.

The other piece of advice I have for you is this: It's up to you how close you choose to be with your ex. If things get to be too much, it's completely fine to take a step back and cut contact (as much as you can) for a while. Nothing is set in stone (other than legal agreements). Don't feel that you have to be friends with your ex just because you had kids together. If you need more space, don't be afraid to take it.

[mrshambles]

Thank you very much Rise. I appreciate your insight/sharing your experience with the situation. I've put up some boundaries as far as topics discussed. Hopefully they stick.

[clydegriffith]

I have a 3 year old daughter with BPDx and use the x's mother as an intermediary between us as much as possible. Every now and then she reaches out and on the surface it appears that being on cordial terms may be possible but it's always a matter of time before she starts with something, usually complaining about wanting more money from me.