just feeling a bit down, floating in space

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

About eleven days ago, i finally held the line.  told her we are not reconciling.  3 days in a row, twice per day.  made it through her crying, pleading, begging, various threats.  i was kind and resolute.

so, I am comfortable and confident in myself.  that is to say, i no longer fear will cave in, i no longer fear myself.  this is a huge deal, a big deal, a really really big deal for me.

but, alas, i am feeling adrift.

i realize she is likely to become very demanding of our marriage again.  I am ok with that because i am ok with me in this regard.

I guess i just need a friend at the moment.

[morningagain]

About eleven days ago, i finally held the line.  told her we are not reconciling.  3 days in a row, twice per day.  made it through her crying, pleading, begging, various threats.  i was kind and resolute.

so, I am comfortable and confident in myself.  that is to say, i no longer fear will cave in, i no longer fear myself.  this is a huge deal, a big deal, a really really big deal for me.

but, alas, i am feeling adrift.

i realize she is likely to become very demanding of our marriage again.  I am ok with that because i am ok with me in this regard.

I guess i just need a friend at the moment.

[Sandman1881]

Believe me I know how hard it is to walk away. The day I left for good I spent the entire day walking around the City in a haze. I never returned. Mine begged in the beginning, when I tried to leave (and would) but would get sucked back with her convincing. Very little emotion. Cold and quite calculated.

Just know this... .as a man I understand how hard it is to walk away from your girl. Especially when you know it's better to leave and be alone, then to continue down a path to your (both) continued destruction. I believe nothing (except maybe cancer or the like) sucks more. Nada.

But tomorrow is a new day! Hang in there.

[morningagain]

hey sandman.  i have been through my mother's alzheimer's, my father's fatal heart attack, my baby brother's cancer.  for me, the BPD-experience is more painful.  perhaps i am just too selfish.  perhaps alzheilmer's will ultimately be more pain as there is no hope. perhaps BPD is so painful because there is no logic or reason and hope simply becomes the hated enemy?  and once you (i) had some understanding, every effort to utilize that knowledge to help her not only fell flat, but things got worse.  entangle, ensnarled, in a hopeless never-ending barbed downward spiraling web of pain, simply put, sucks. 

[downwhim]

I agree with you. Life with a BPD is so difficult. Every day is uncertain. I had a constant pit in my stomach thinking when is the rage and anger coming... .Hard way to live. I have always been a positive person and loved to laugh until I met my ex. He took something from me that I hope to get back and grabbed my love in the process. I just am so co dependent that I would not let go many times when I should have.

It takes time to get your head straight. Go easy on yourself.

[letmeout]

Yes it is hard to believe, but time does heal and you will be whole again!