nearly told so i think she is BPD

[CommittedToMyself]

I have been struggling a great deal in my rs with my gf who I think has BPD. I have been the one manifesting symptoms of you like recently... .jealousy, depression, feeling intensely unsafe in the rs. We have been together for a year, live together, had an intense courtship, have been very enmeshed. There were early episodes of push/pull, dysregulation with some rage outbursts. The major red flag for me is a superficial charm, charisma and flirting that left me feeling that I am being manipulated. But I'm in love with her so ignored that earlier on although there were some rows and asserting of boundaries that resulted in her seeming to back down, change a little. I am now finding that her charm and distancing is so threatening and rejecting of me that I don't think I can take it. Two nights ago I was all set to tell her that I think she has BPD and that I need her to look at this if we're going to stay together. After reading posts on here I just said that I was codependent and was going to have to be more focussed on myself. My gf is high functioning and distancing so she didn't rage just said that's ok. Since she has been trying to act normally but is very absent and distant. Today she has posted a load of photos on her Facebook page including pics of her half-undressed. The photos are terrific. She is very talented but this is a major part of my problem in thé ds. She is so charming and attractive that she has tons of guys pursuing her online all the time and because of her personality style she draws them in... .I can't deal with the combination of push/pull, being kept at a distance and her signalling to other men and leaving an ambiguity in her communications with them. Think I may ask for a trial separation.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, jackguy 

I think it's a good thing that you didn't mention your suspicions of your girlfriend having BPD to her; the consensus here is that though it seems logical to try to explain what is going on with our BPD loved ones to them, it's never really a good idea to do so. It's better to learn all we can about the disorder, and how to communicate better with our loved ones (reading all of the links to the right-hand side of this page), and to put that information into practice.

How are things going now? The push-pull of this type of relationship is very frustrating and painful, and can really be traumatic sometimes. Have you talked to her about that trial separation? How did that go? Or have you changed your mind? When you need us, we will be here for you, jackguy