When did your first argument occur ? With ex BPD

[Deeno02]

When I was with my now ex BPDgf I dont recall having an argument or even bickering with her till at least 4 months in to the relationship. She is now with my replacement and has been with him 4 weeks and getting informed they are arguing already ! Surly this can't be a good sign plus they are constantly together almost 24-7 ! Can anyone give views on weather spending 24-7 with someone that has BPD is good or very bad at the start of a relationship and when did your first argument start into your relationship ?

I was with my ex 24/7 at the start of the relationship. Though we never argued untill about 5 months into the relationship. It wasn't really an arguement it was more of a transference of her critical parent to me then arguing with the critical parent.  I was left bewildered. I refused to argue with her but sort if wanted space triggering her abandonment issues. If only I knew them what I know now.

We live 4 blicks from each other so we were around each other an awful lot (apparently not enough). What you said about transference. Spot on. Barely a raised voice during those your a bad boyfriend treat me special or lose me speeches, but holy hell i felt like such a steaming pile of crap i didnt fight back, and when the last one hit, i cracked and took space to sort it out, and when i did, i asked her to go to therapy only to find out I was done. Time for the new guy.

[Blimblam]

When I was with my now ex BPDgf I dont recall having an argument or even bickering with her till at least 4 months in to the relationship. She is now with my replacement and has been with him 4 weeks and getting informed they are arguing already ! Surly this can't be a good sign plus they are constantly together almost 24-7 ! Can anyone give views on weather spending 24-7 with someone that has BPD is good or very bad at the start of a relationship and when did your first argument start into your relationship ?

I was with my ex 24/7 at the start of the relationship. Though we never argued untill about 5 months into the relationship. It wasn't really an arguement it was more of a transference of her critical parent to me then arguing with the critical parent.  I was left bewildered. I refused to argue with her but sort if wanted space triggering her abandonment issues. If only I knew them what I know now.

We live 4 blicks from each other so we were around each other an awful lot (apparently not enough). What you said about transference. Spot on. Barely a raised voice during those your a bad boyfriend treat me special or lose me speeches, but holy hell i felt like such a steaming pile of crap i didnt fight back, and when the last one hit, i cracked and took space to sort it out, and when i did, i asked her to go to therapy only to find out I was done. Time for the new guy.

Yeah because we weren't available as the rescuer of her abandoned child and our interactions with the impulsive child were of us being persecuted. Which when they switch back into abandoned child they feel ashamed about and seek an outlet to sooth using through the impulsive child seeking acceptance and validation of the behavior so they can accept themselves again. That's where the role of the replacements comes in.

I felt like total crap too.  I could sense my ex pulling away and all of a sudden when she was happy she had someone else's identity the splitting had already began it was gradual and slow. The thing is I stayed around untill she had completed the task of projective identification and all her crap found a home with my lonely child. Not even just her crap but the crap from all the people's opinions that found a home in her so she had the "courage" to devalue me.

[parisian]

After about 4 months. It wasn't an argument, it was that I said I wasn't going around her place when we had agreed, because I was sick.

I got a mini text rant about how inconsiderate I was.

I was sick for fecks sake.

The real fun started the night she declared us as being in a r/s on FB (she didn't even tell me she was putting that up). I copped the first big rant to the point where I cried in public. I (foolishly) put it down to her being drunk and emotional... .

[Alex86]

After two weeks our first date she wasn't feeling ok and we argued why I didn't go to visit her 25km away, even though I was

on the phone until 2.30 am in the night the previous day.

That showed that I didn't care and I wasn't in love with her.

[Deeno02]

After about 4 months. It wasn't an argument, it was that I said I wasn't going around her place when we had agreed, because I was sick.

I got a mini text rant about how inconsiderate I was.

I was sick for fecks sake.

The real fun started the night she declared us as being in a r/s on FB (she didn't even tell me she was putting that up). I copped the first big rant to the point where I cried in public. I (foolishly) put it down to her being drunk and emotional... .

Well at least you got that. She never posted a pic on me on her FB account. I think there was only 3 pics in existence. She never changed r/s status on FB. I wasn't going to change mine until she did. Never happened.

[Pingo]

We never really argued.  We got along splendidly... .until he decided I had sinned... .and then all hell broke loose.  The first time was on our 2 mth anniversary (yes we were so in love we celebrated these little milestones ).  I had made him a little card and put it in his boot.  He left early for work, around 4 am and I stayed in bed, expecting a thank-you text... .4 hrs later I texted him asking him if he got my card... .explosion!  He had decided it would be okay to read my texts on my phone which I had left in the kitchen and he didn't like a text I had received from a male friend.  It was an innocent text but he didn't like this guy and misconstrued it and had no interest in my trying to explain it.  Shortly after this I ended my friendship with the guy.  That was my first in many, many ways I gave up myself to please him.

[Alex86]

(yes we were so in love we celebrated these little milestones )

Pingo, we (actually it was only me who gave her small gifts) also celebrated each month the day of our meeting... .

Yeap I also thought we were special... .insanity