It is really common to feel this way. And it's perfectly natural. If you are still in regular contact with your ex, yeah, it's really understandable that he's picking up on the cues you're giving about your emotional state. We all do that on some level, and I think people that are as driven by emotion as pwBPD can be even more sensitive to those cues than normal. I don't know that they always read them correctly, but I think they are hyper-sensitive to them.
I agree 100%. pwBPD are very sensitive to emotional cues, although like you noted, they don't always read them correctly. When my ex and I were together, it astounded me how sensitive he was to such things.
Now, if you NC or really LC, I think it can have to do with the subconscious workings of our brains. I think in a lot of circumstances, it's a trick of the mind. How many times have you had a dream and not remembered it ten minutes after you wake up? How many times has he contacted you without you having a dream first? The human mind has a wonderful ability to make connections between two unrelated events. Our brains are literally hardwired to recognize patterns, even when they aren't actually there (Sidenote: This is actually one of the theories behind compulsive gambling).
I really did need to hear this. Thank you. I think I'm definitely struggling with some confirmation bias here.
We are in LC, and have only talked about 5 times since the breakup, with typically around 2 months in between each contact (initiated by him).
Whether it was positive or negative, you had a really powerful emotional connection to your ex. Connections like that don't just disappear overnight (or at least they don't in a normal person). And I really do believe it's part of human behavior to instinctually seek out familiar connections, usually without us even being aware we are doing it (Another sidenote: that's part of why many of us keep ending up in the same unhealthy relationships without intentionally seeking them out). So when something happens, you're predisposed towards processing it in terms of an already existing connection (I really hope that makes sense, as I'm a bit under the weather and words aren't really making a lot of sense to me).
You make perfect sense. And I hope that you feel better soon! I'm struggling with a winter cold/sinus issues right now myself, so I definitely understand.
You're right. I can't expect a connection like that to just disappear once the r/s has ended, but it's also not realistic to assign additional meaning to it.
If you're not really in contact with your ex, I would suspect that you're still on some level dealing with some of that residual connection you have with your ex. Give it time. Sometimes it takes our subconscious longer to catch up to our conscious mind. I'd bet that as the more you heal, the less you're going to see these patterns with your ex.
I definitely think my subconscious is running to catch up. This is typically how I process things... .eventually it all comes together... .but I forget that sometimes, and get confused by myself.
I feel indescribably healthier and better since the breakup. Sometimes it's important to remember that it all happens on its own schedule.
