When will the pain and tears get better?

[H Hi]

Hi

I'm a month out of the relationship with undiagnosed high functioning woman with BPD traits. 18 days NC.

I don't seem to be getting any better. I have zero energy, I'm exhausted but can't sleep, can't seem to get any structure in my life. Cooking, cleaning, everything seems a massive effort. I used to have loads of energy and ran and worked out. Now I'm shakey and weak.

I cry every day and have been crying every day before it was over. Can someone tell me when it starts getting easier? I want to turn the corner and fight back for me, but I just want to stay in, keep warm, read and cry.

I'd really appreciate any support right now.

I feel I shouldn't be wasting my tears as she will be getting on with her life and making plans and looking to the future. I'm probably a distant memory all ready.

[guy4caligirl]

H HI

You are still in the raw stage it's ok to feel that way we all went through this , NC is great LC is always painful looks like you have heads up ,you are in NC right off the bat ,  you're stronger than many  of us , I lost 15 lbs the first months have no desire for nothing , time will make the difference hang in there and you will be telling others what they should expect keep posting .it's healthy

[EaglesJuju]

Hi HH,

I am sorry you are hurting    :)etaching can be a painful process and sometimes interferes with daily aspects of your life.  I have been there too.  It was hard for me to even do simple tasks, like cooking and cleaning.  The healing process is different for everyone.  Some people take a shorter period, whereas others take longer.

The first thing you truly need to do is to take care of yourself. The three things I started working on was eating, getting sleep, and exercising, which gave me more energy.  In addition, I worked on myself through writing in a journal, talking to friends/family, and posting on here.  Slowly, I started to heal and get back to a regular routine.  Therapy helped me greatly. Have you considered therapy?  

You should be proud of yourself for maintaining 18 days NC.  NC is not easy.  Hang in there, it does get easier.  

[clydegriffith]

When the pain goes away is entirely up to you and depends on the situation youre' in.

It took me almost a year to really really start healing. I have a chld with the BPDx and still have to maintain some sort of contact so that made things a little difficult. I believe that if there was no child involved i would have been able to get over everything much quicker and not put up with half the crap that i ended up putting up with. When i look at it, she used the child to control me. I'm not happy about fatherhood being forced on me and this woman robbing me of the chance to have my first child with a decent human being.

[whythisgirl]

Try to hang in there. I was on NC for 14 days and rebounded this weekend. We had 2 good days then his uBPD & uNPD behavior kicked in leaving me back in shambles today. Anger helps heal so my advice is to make a list of all the bad she has done and keep it handy so that when you have the urge to waste a tear for this person... you can remind yourself of the bad . this may help you get through your grief. I hope we both can gain emotional strength soon! Keep posting on here everyone so far has been amazing.

[Targeted]

I had about five months of LC after the breakup which kept the torment going, I am now 16 days NC and it is still very tough for me too, I love her I miss her I hate the way she treated me double standards I hated her cheating, but most of all I hate her disorder, hanging onto the dream of what could of been is what hurts the most, I still have my moments when I cry, I still have my moments when I want to fix her, and I have my moments when I never wanna see her ever again. One thing that helps me is even though I am herding I am happy that I do not have her disorder because all of my feelings even though they are all mixed I know where each one of them comes from and why and they are based on the facts of this relationship.

She does not have that, she has feelings that she doesn't even know where they come from or why and creates facts to support them, her disorder makes me sad for her, but I am happy that I know why I am sad.

[guy4caligirl]

Targeted

I am at the exact same time with your LC and NC ,just like you , I feel the same , do u expect her to text ?

[NYMike]

It takes what it takes.I feel everyone is different.Some move on and heal faster than others do.

For me this is very painful to be idealized and treated like a king by her and then she turned me black in 2 days and abandoned me while I was working.It is mind boggling and some serious pain.I had no idea it was coming.That was 4 weeks ago.I lost 33 lbs and I suffered a lot with being abandoned.

I slipped twice with NC and I was lied to,manipulated and conned again.The most recent was this past Saturday.So I did myself a disservice by opening that door to be hurt again.

NC is hell.Not answering the texts is hell.Not answering the phone is hell.Not seeing her and my puppie is hell.

Somewhere deep inside me I no it is for the best even though for some strane reason I fell in love with her.She is unstable,she lies,she manipulates,she use cocaine on occasion,she flirts with many men,she is sneaky and she has no clue how to be honest and upfront.Her life is a series of self destruction in relationships.I gave her the world and she piissed all over me time and time again.Makes no sence to me.

So I am back on NC and I have a lot of Anger,Frustration and Confusion about what I went through.The sadness and the pain is very very tough on me.I go to T and I go to alanon meetings.I had to be put on an anti-depresent for this and I am just living in a fog day to day.

I do now this.NC is the answer if you can pull it off.I was recycled 4 times and it is hell to start all over.Anything I gained in NC I lost it all and went back to square one.

I have 2 days NC again.So far I have had 3 texts last night and I ignored them.Today has been tough but I have no texts from her.

Hang tough... .

[Targeted]

Targeted

I am at the exact same time with your LC and NC ,just like you , I feel the same , do u expect her to text ?

she found a way to email me Three days ago and asked if we could meet for closure, then the next day she emailed again and said she had some clothing to hand down to my son from her son, I did not respond to her at all.  I expect maybe another email attempt or a letter in the mail, or she is just going to show up to speak her mind, that's what I am trying to prepare myself for, ignoring the emails is easy but if she shows up or writes me a letter she is going to get a response.  It is my response and my actions that IM trying to prepare for, I am a caring person and I do not want to hurt her but I don't wanna be hurt any more either,  I know I am still emotionally at a point there is a chance she may still be able to manipulate me so I am trying to avoid that, most of us here wonder if we were special to our exes, I know that I was I have no doubt but in the end the disorder won.  If she does make the extra step for contact I am debating whether or not to tell her once again, how much she hurt me and she needs help or just keep ignoring her, I just know without her fixing herself I cannot go back.

[downwhim]

You are at the raw stage. I remember just not wanting to go anywhere or do anything. I wrote down in my journal, went and got books on codependency and BPD at the library, read, put a list on my mirror of all the things he had done to hurt me, went to my doctor and got anti-depressants, called friends on phone, cried a lot, went back to the gym, couldn't eat or sleep well... .I am 9 weeks out now. I still do all of this but not so intense, I can eat more, I sleep better and posting here helps a lot! N/C has been my lifeline. From the day we broke up there has been NO CONTACT. It is hard, I want to email him and call him and send cards for Christmas and see how he is doing and check out my replacement and drive by his home BUT I have done none of that crazy making. I have a big sign in my kitchen that says Stay Strong. That is what I try to do everyday... .My  goes out to you. be strong... .