NC Broken out of Necessity - Now picking up the pieces

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I HATE how I feel today…absolutely hate it.  I got through my day with smiles and strength and came home and crashed. 

Sunday was rough enough because my bed-bound uBPD mother said things to me with me visiting at her bedside that I'd been waiting my whole life to hear.  I couldn't shed a tear with her because she can't handle that and I've learned over the years to keep it stuffed.  She's always handled emotions horribly and I've learned to manage her well.  Besides that, I was grateful for these long-awaited words/information and know that my emotional upset would have put the brakes on in her sharing what I so longed to hear.  Needless to say I lost it when I left her and carried that raw-ness into Monday.  Thank God for a T session on Monday evening after work.

Then I got emails from the uBPD/ASPDexH ranting and being completely uncooperative about getting the house sold despite the fact that he vacated it almost a month ago.  I ignored plenty and then felt compelled to carefully choose my words and TRY to move things along so I could possibly spare myself the additional legal expenses of them having to file motions to get him to comply with the agreements he's already signed.  I guess I can say, again, I ignored my gutt to just IGNORE IGNORE.  His reply was so off the charts and my bothering to try was a huge waste of time. 

It's not like I miss him or allowed myself to be really hurt by what he wrote…(it was COMPLETE dysregulation) BUT, the contact seriously screwed me up. 

[Hope0807]

I HATE how I feel today…absolutely hate it.  I got through my day with smiles and strength and came home and crashed. 

Sunday was rough enough because my bed-bound uBPD mother said things to me with me visiting at her bedside that I'd been waiting my whole life to hear.  I couldn't shed a tear with her because she can't handle that and I've learned over the years to keep it stuffed.  She's always handled emotions horribly and I've learned to manage her well.  Besides that, I was grateful for these long-awaited words/information and know that my emotional upset would have put the brakes on in her sharing what I so longed to hear.  Needless to say I lost it when I left her and carried that raw-ness into Monday.  Thank God for a T session on Monday evening after work.

Then I got emails from the uBPD/ASPDexH ranting and being completely uncooperative about getting the house sold despite the fact that he vacated it almost a month ago.  I ignored plenty and then felt compelled to carefully choose my words and TRY to move things along so I could possibly spare myself the additional legal expenses of them having to file motions to get him to comply with the agreements he's already signed.  I guess I can say, again, I ignored my gutt to just IGNORE IGNORE.  His reply was so off the charts and my bothering to try was a huge waste of time. 

It's not like I miss him or allowed myself to be really hurt by what he wrote…(it was COMPLETE dysregulation) BUT, the contact seriously screwed me up.