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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Today wasn't my day  (Read 852 times)
.cup.car
****
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Single
Posts: 251


« on: December 17, 2014, 06:51:18 PM »

About a week ago we hired a new girl at our shop.

Buddy of mine I carpool with told me she's from my ex's town. We made the obvious "what if they're friends and this gets weird" joke, but didn't think anything of it. The chances of something like that happening were astronomically low anyways.

I still had a gut feeling that it would be best not to talk to her. The whole ordeal with my ex this year, going to the cops about her and eventually taking her to court (and the chaos that followed) has turned me into a bit of a nervous wreck. I want to stay home and sleep all day, simply going to work is extremely difficult, let alone working alongside a girl that might know her and might have heard some stuff about me. I started counseling last Thursday and the intake appointment went really well, but I know it will be a very long road given how much happened.

Over the past week the new girl has made a very good impression, and has made a few attempts to make conversation with me. I figured it would be silly to keep ignoring her since she seemed really nice.

The three of us got to talking. My asst. manager and her talked about "crazy people" they knew from my ex's town, and him & I made a vague joke about my situation.

You can guess where this is going. The new girl used to be friends with my ex. The girl described her as "psychotic" and told my buddy and I a story of how "she dated EVERYBODY... .like... .EVERYBODY... .and when I'd start dating a guy or told her I liked a guy, she'd be like, ALL OVER HIM the next day trying to steal him away from me. she's a f****n psycho. and everyone's just like SHE'S SO HOT so they go for it."

She had also heard about our relationship and how ridiculous it was, she just didn't figure out that I was the same guy considering I lived 45 minutes away and thought my ex's trail of destruction was limited to her hometown.

I've grown used to hearing these sort of stories about my ex. This is nothing new to some people on here.

But when I'd taken her to court because she had been manipulating me, assaulting me, cheating on me, and harassing me for a period of five years, one judge outright refused to look at my evidence and claimed all of this behavior was somehow my fault, and another judge decided I had made everything up and was using the courts to systematically harass some random girl - flipping through 2 of the 30 pages of evidence I submitted under oath before calling me a liar... .

And some random girl we hired last week, who doesn't even know me, was like "oh yeah, we used to be friends, she's psychotic, she tried to make all my boyfriends cheat on me with her."

Man that hurts. Back to square one.
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