Felt a tiny bit better today

[NYMike]

 

Tonight I actually feel a tiny tiny bit better for now.I just treated myself to a nice big slice of some NY Pizza... .

I have 5 days NC.I am lonely living in my beautiful home alone but I don't have the utter crazy trying to keep up with her and her craziness.

I don't have to worry if she is coming home or will be gone for 5 days MIA.I don't have to worry about where she ''really'' is because she refuses to answer the phone.I don't have to be sitting here with dinner,flowers and a card waiting because she is 2 or 3 hours late.That used to drive me nuts.I am a happy morning person and she was a very very miserable woman in morning.It is nice to wake up without the misery from her... .

I don't have to worry about all her aches and pains she whines about all the time.I don't have to deal with her ''hiding'' her phone and keeping it a secret.I don't have to worry about men texting her saying ''hi honey'' and then being yelled at and lied to about the guy that texted,calling him ''a friend''... .lmao

Those are a few off the top of my head.

Anyone else want to add how you are feeling a bit better going NC with the BPD... .?

[Targeted]

I'm so glad you feel better!  Your story I think protected me from maybe making a mistake,  I'm in NE too so if I wind up in NY I'm buying you a pizza! 

[parisian]

That's great to hear NYMike.

I found it helped to write a massive list of all the really awful things she did. Whenever I felt like I was 'missing her', I just re-read that list to remind myself of the reality of what I was really 'missing'. When you get in the same situation of missing her, ask yourself, what is it that you really are missing about her?

Good to hear you felt a bit better today. There will continue to be days when you feel bad, but the feeling better days will only increase and the feeling bad days will lessen. Stay strong and have more pizza

[Rise]

Good to hear you're starting to feel a little bit better. This is usually how healing occurs. A little bit at a time. Healing creeps up on us. It's like emptying a bucket one drop at a time (which can get really frustrating when all you want to do is kick the bucket over and pour it all out at once). You're probably still going to have your bad days, and that's okay, but at least now you know you can feel better and that you're moving forward. Congrats.

[Mercury2Pluto]

Waking up peacefully in the morning is one of the best parts.  It's been a few months NC so I no longer think about it every morning but I definitely did at first.  I can finally relax in my own home.  A lovely feeling.

[HappyNihilist]

Mike, I'm so glad you felt better today!   And it's good to treat yourself... .you deserve it! 

It sounds like you're enjoying the peace. Drama is exhausting! That sense of peace and centeredness only grows as more time passes.

As others have said, you will start to have more feeling-good days than bad days. It only gets better. 

I found it helped to write a massive list of all the really awful things she did. Whenever I felt like I was 'missing her', I just re-read that list to remind myself of the reality of what I was really 'missing'. When you get in the same situation of missing her, ask yourself, what is it that you really are missing about her?

This is a great idea, parisian. I did something similar myself. It's very helpful to have that reference to snap us back to reality when we're missing them or ruminating/obsessing.

Good to hear you're starting to feel a little bit better. This is usually how healing occurs. A little bit at a time. Healing creeps up on us. It's like emptying a bucket one drop at a time (which can get really frustrating when all you want to do is kick the bucket over and pour it all out at once). You're probably still going to have your bad days, and that's okay, but at least now you know you can feel better and that you're moving forward.

[Jmanster]

I understand the the texts from other guys, that was a big one for me too. I am feeling a lot better and am starting to remember all the things that she complained and bickered (turning it into HUGE FIGHTS). I realized something though. Do I really miss her? No... .I miss the feeling of having somebody. I miss having a girlfriend. I know for a fact that if I find a girl that has similar interests as me, and that I find attractive, no doubt will I forget about my ex and move on. It's about the feeling of having missing somebody to always go to and somebody to share a bed with that makes me feel down

[downwhim]

Mike, I too am glad to hear you are feeling better. The anticipation and the trying to make things wonderful in paradise and then paradise doesn't happen is exhausting. They keep us on a string they pull when they need us. No string for you today and that is good!  

For me, I actually felt for the first time today,  IT IS OVER! Weekends are weird for me as we usually kept busy and shopped at this time of year for all our kids. Now, I must say, I am getting use to him gone and no knot in my stomach... .finally.

I do not know how I will react if I see him, hear from him or have to deal with him on mutual issues we have yet to finalize - like a timeshare we own. But for now I have booked it with two girlfriends and who knows I just may have fun again! He is busy with replacement and quite frankly, she can have him and his drama.

What I am saying Mike is let's not make them the key to our happiness as someone else stated on a thread. They are not. We are too good for this crap!

[downwhim]

Yep, I miss having a boyfriend too. I know if I found someone that was NORMAL like me and had the same interests and did not have a mental illness I would be thrilled. My shih tuz is not cutting it as a sleeping partner either. 8 years and then being alone is hard.

I hope one day to find a great guy that enjoys my company and visa versa... it is all about being careful to not go into the crazy zone again.

[NYMike]

Well I spoke to soon.Today is day 6.This is the longest I have had NC.

Last night I was woken by a dream that we were cuddling and my puppie dog was in the bed with us.She always slept on the foot of the bed.

I woke up a 4 am a bit confused and then went back to bed and slept till about 7 am... .I am having my coffee and doing my laundry then I think I am going for a ride to the country.

She is suppose to be contacting police today or tomorrow to pick up her clothing and her shoes and the all the dogs stuff.Maybe that is why I am a bit nervous and jerky.

I am not going to ruin my whole weekend waiting for her to make up her mind.I don't think that is fair to me.I don't have to sit here all weekend waiting,do I.?

I have done that so many times before and she disappeared or never showed up.So I feel I should just go about my day and if the police call then I will make arrangements.?

Does this sound good... .?