I think I've just realised my mother has BPD

[Justalittlelost]

Pick think the penny has just dropped. I always knew something was slightly off with my mum but presumed she was under pressure with work, we were naughty as kids, her life was riddled with difficulty etc etc. but reading other peoples posts I am beginning to realise she has an illness.

I'm not sure the pain of feeling guilty and scared is the same as the disappoint and shame I now feel about her. I feel like part of me is made of concrete and it's just sitting somewhere in my chest, weighing me down.

Has anyone got any advice? My youngest sister is suffering the most and I need to help her.

[Harri]

Hi there and welcome.  We can help and support you as you learn more about BPD and the various ways it presents and what drives the behaviors of a person with BPD so I am glad you posted.

At this point, the best advice I have to offer is for you to keep posting and reading here.  There is soo much information to take in though, so take it a bit at a time.  As you come to grips with things, that weight in your chest will lighten.  In the meantime, try to just breathe and sit with that feeling for a bit.  As for helping your youngest sister, the best thing you can do is help yourself right now.  After you sort things out a bit you can help her but right now, take time for you.

There are some wonderful articles at the very top of this boards main page.  Start there.  One of the first things I read about several years back when I discovered BPD was 'Projection'.  It was important for me to understand that so I could put my mother's behaviors into perspective.  Can you share a bit more about your story so we can maybe recommend the best place for you to start (although all the information is important)?

Again, I am glad you found us and I hope you continue on here.  The people here are very supportive and understanding and offer great insight.

[clljhns]

Hi Justalittlelost,

[quote.] I always knew something was slightly off with my mum but presumed she was under pressure with work, we were naughty as kids, her life was riddled with difficulty etc etc. but reading other peoples posts I am beginning to realise she has an illness.[/quote]
Can you give some examples of behaviors that lead you to believe mom is BPD?

Harri has offered some great suggestion for you. Have you read any of the articles at the top of this board? I found the article on F.O.G. to be helpful and insightful for me. I would also suggest reading articles in the archived articles under the ANSWERS tab at the top of the home page.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Peace and blessings. 

[Ziggiddy]

Hi Justalittlelost

and welcome to the family.

Yes it can really be overwhelming to suspect your mother may have a personality disorder.

It is little wonder you have many conflicting painful feelings.

I know I felt the same way the more I learned about my mother. Even now I struggle with guilt and disbelief as well as terrible disappointment at times.

As the others have said, there is a lot of information available and the resource library here is well researched and bound to be a help for you.

it is commendable that you want to help your sister - the best way for you to do this is to help yourself. the more you learn, the better equipped you will be to fully comprehend waht is going on and to make plans to cope. Then you will no doubt be able to support your sister.

I agree with both Harri and clljhns that if you can bring us more information, we can better tailor answers  for you and send you in the right direction.

you may wish to review the material that explains exactly what BPD is.

here is a link to that:

bpdfamily.com about BPD (for Beginners)

Ziggiddy

[GeekyGirl]

Hi Justalittlelost,

Welcome.   Finding out that your mother has (or likely has) BPD can be overwhelming. You're definitely not alone. There are many of us here who know that awful, crushing feeling that you described. My heart goes out to you, as I've been through it too.

It's great that you're looking for some advice and help--you'll find others here who can definitely relate to you. You've been given some good advice already, and I would also encourage you to learn what you can about BPD and taking care of yourself. It's just as important that you look after your needs as it is to take care of your sister's.

Would you tell us a little about your mother's behavior and how it's affecting you?

Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing. There's a tremendous amount of support here for you.

-GG