She has gotten in my face before and stuck her finger in my chest to make a point. I told her that violates my boundaries and I don't like to be touched when she is angry at me. I had an abusive mother and it brings back memories. I also thought i had established a boundary as to name calling. She violated both last night.
While she didn't scare me last night, in truth I have no idea how far her dysregulation will take her. She is a second degree black belt. She could hurt me.
I am not prone to the physical at all. I would rather just stand there and get beaten up by a woman rather than hit her.
I'm sorry to hear what you had to go through with your mom
Sometimes its a good idea to change things if it doesn't work. A boundary is if you do X I respond with Y.
If she starts to poke your chest, get in your face and / or dysregulate an option could be to simply leave the situation. Go for a drive, an errand, visit family, grab a coffee. I understand verbally telling her what is acceptable and what is not.
A pwBPD have difficulties establishing their own boundaries and respect other peoples boundaries. You can't control someone's actions and you can control yours.
Have you tried stepping out for a few in the past? I also understand you're at the end of your rope. I can relate. That's tough.