Well, I'm back and I never really thought I would be. Long story short, I let her back in my life after 4 months of NC (initiated by me). I just saw her at a concert and couldn't help myself. She was just as beautiful as I remembered. We talked for hours and she acted just like she did when we first met 4 years ago. I told myself to keep casual - no attachment or commitment. Don't trust her. Slowly but surely I let her back in deeper and deeper only to be more disappointed. I thought I could manage the situation given all the knowledge I acquired from this site. Wrong.
It didn't take her but a couple weeks to slowly start disengaging and withholding sex. Tons of sex in the beginning then zero. She would come stay the night and just lay in my bed like a rock. So weird. What's even weirder is that I still have her blocked on every social platform. She hasn't even mentioned it after seeing each other again for a couple months.
And a liar. They just can't help themselves. On top of lying she is now a thief or maybe she has always been and I didn't even notice. She actually stole something from my apartment. It's almost comical that I believed that that she had a moral compass.
Yesterday I was sitting in my apartment thinking why? How could I be so naive? I've read so many posts on this board. Was I not listening? Recycle threads galore. No success stories.
Lesson learned. You really have to stay NC forever. For Ev ER.
Think of the BPD as a fisherman on a boat, they will always have that fishing line in the water waiting for you, if they sense or even get a tug at the line (you replying to a text) Its all they need, they dont need YOU, they need to know that they arent invisible to the world. If she suffered any abuse as a child, her coping mechanism was to shut off all emotions completely to avoid further pain. So by you breaking contact she already had her fix (validation). The sex was a mere tool used to manipulate and draw you back into the darkness. When us men are seduced we are at our most vulnerable, these woman have learnt from a young age that to get what they want, or to feel almost human they need to draw men in through the use of their bodies. In their head their pretty much saying if so and so doesn't want me (people that have abandoned her) then so and so will. She probably gave you amazing sex (the hook) then withheld it from you, the reason she did this was because, they know that if she can make you addicted to her (the sex, her fake persona) your going to keep trying to contact her. She now has you exactly where she wants you, because, all she needs of you now is a text, she gets her fix just from your attention, she wont text back, and if she does she will make you wait for it, beg for her. This is merely power to these types of woman, think of them as a feminist on steroids, if she had daddy issues she will hate men, and will use them because she knows that men are everywhere, so she would and will drop you as soon as the attention becomes less. You really need to stay out once and for all there is no love or emotion in these woman, all your getting is a spoilt child who thinks the world owes her for the short straw she pulled out as a child (having a less fortunate childhood than others).
