How To Let Go

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

After many visits to the T and many suggestions from friends and family I am coming to terms little by little.After much reading on this Forum and the help of people that know me I am at a cross roads.

Seeing that I am in the FOG it has been very Painful.After many talks with everyone I have to swallow the pill I was just being used in a very bad way.

I am starting to see I was the only one in this relationship and she was here for whatever reason.I hurt because I became very ''emotionally'' involved with her life,the dog's life and her daughters life.She was just along for the free ride.

This pill has to be swallowed by me and I have to LET HER GO somehow.I can not continue to make excuses for her,be lied to,be manipulated,be abandoned,continue not being validated,never knowing were I stand,push/pull,the I love you one day and the next day she is MIA.I can't take the deception,the texts,the hate she has for me,the blaming me for everything and her playing my mind and heart.I can't be used for money anymore either.It was just all BS that comes out of her mouth and pathological lies.

Somehow I need to dig deep and give up hope that she will ever own anything she has done to me and say she is sorry.I have to give up that she will get T and own she has problems.She truly has no clue how bad she hurt me and what I have been through.

I would never in my life do this to a woman or anyone else for that matter.I am to decent of a person and a good man.

This is NOT LOVE.!

Somehow I need to DIG DEEP AND LET HER GO because it was my own ''fantasy'' and the truth is this woman could give rats azz about me and the pain she handed me.The truth is she don't care about NYMIKE and all the wonderful things I gave her and brought her life.

That is so hard to swallow because I was in her corner from the start and loved her dearly.I may always love and care for her but this was hell for me.I have to ''trust'' all the people,friends,my councler,you guys and my family.I have to let everyone else tell me the ''FACTS'' because my head and heart are so confused about so much.

This woman has no empathy for me or compassion for me whatsoever.She never really did.She would never validate me.She would only play the worst head games known to man kind.

In reality I should HATE HER for this terrible mess,this heart break and this pain it brought me and my life.

I guess in many ways I got ''played as a fool'' and need to accept this fact.

The sooner I accept this fact then maybe I can walk through the door and LET GO.

How do we let go.?

[NYMike]

After many visits to the T and many suggestions from friends and family I am coming to terms little by little.After much reading on this Forum and the help of people that know me I am at a cross roads.

Seeing that I am in the FOG it has been very Painful.After many talks with everyone I have to swallow the pill I was just being used in a very bad way.

I am starting to see I was the only one in this relationship and she was here for whatever reason.I hurt because I became very ''emotionally'' involved with her life,the dog's life and her daughters life.She was just along for the free ride.

This pill has to be swallowed by me and I have to LET HER GO somehow.I can not continue to make excuses for her,be lied to,be manipulated,be abandoned,continue not being validated,never knowing were I stand,push/pull,the I love you one day and the next day she is MIA.I can't take the deception,the texts,the hate she has for me,the blaming me for everything and her playing my mind and heart.I can't be used for money anymore either.It was just all BS that comes out of her mouth and pathological lies.

Somehow I need to dig deep and give up hope that she will ever own anything she has done to me and say she is sorry.I have to give up that she will get T and own she has problems.She truly has no clue how bad she hurt me and what I have been through.

I would never in my life do this to a woman or anyone else for that matter.I am to decent of a person and a good man.

This is NOT LOVE.!

Somehow I need to DIG DEEP AND LET HER GO because it was my own ''fantasy'' and the truth is this woman could give rats azz about me and the pain she handed me.The truth is she don't care about NYMIKE and all the wonderful things I gave her and brought her life.

That is so hard to swallow because I was in her corner from the start and loved her dearly.I may always love and care for her but this was hell for me.I have to ''trust'' all the people,friends,my councler,you guys and my family.I have to let everyone else tell me the ''FACTS'' because my head and heart are so confused about so much.

This woman has no empathy for me or compassion for me whatsoever.She never really did.She would never validate me.She would only play the worst head games known to man kind.

In reality I should HATE HER for this terrible mess,this heart break and this pain it brought me and my life.

I guess in many ways I got ''played as a fool'' and need to accept this fact.

The sooner I accept this fact then maybe I can walk through the door and LET GO.

How do we let go.?

[Beach_Babe]

I ask myself the same question, NYMIKE. I guess by trying to stay busy and develop a life outside of them.

Even if she went to a T, as mine does, she will likely just blame you for everything. You and I have been split black. We are their abusers, and the cause of everything now wrong in their life. It is so unfair, I struggle with this too.

[peiper]

It takes time. I'm seven months out and just got triggered this weekend. Give yourself time. It does get better man. I started getting blocked calls late at night, so I checked Facebook and sure enough she's single again. That's all it took. Stay NC.

[guy4caligirl]

NYMike

There is no way easy out from this trauma , I feel the same way you feel , no empathy no respect I am like nothing now ,

I spent 5 years of my life with her , I think of her everyday , i don't even know if she gives a St about me and how i feel .

It's just hard i though i could replace her so quick but after 5 months of B/U i still love her and want another go at it , my wishful thinking makes me believe that she would text me and confess that she wants me back .

But if i didn't go through the B/U i don't think i would even think about being with her again.

It's just difficult and we have no choice either wait with patience or let go .

Letting go is not as easy as we think , time is the essence and also God's will .

I hope you feel better . and me too .

Guy .

[NYMike]

Yep this is going to be a long recovery.I might as well accept it now.The sooner I accept this the better.

I hope someday I can hold my head up hi for all the love,kindness,tenderness,making love and caring I gave her when she needed me the most.

Right now I am blacker than black and blamed for everything.It amazes me how someone can look you in the eyes and say ''I am in love with you'' then 2 days later ''hate on you'' and call you worse than the ex boyfriend who used to beat her up.

Mind boggling to say the least.

The bright side is if I continue T and stay NC I will hopefully never deal with her ''crazy'' again.

I will be on the look out in the future for warning signs.The come close/go away.The I love/I hate you.The abandonement and MIA for days.

I will watch for Lies,manipulations,cover ups and deception.I will look for being invalidated and toyed with.

Do you guys ever think that she will miss NYMIKE for how special I treated her and how sensitive I was to her need and desires.?

Or is this wishful thinking on my part because she is disordered and has to paint me black and blame me.

[Beach_Babe]

If they are overweight, may I suggest a pedometer this Christmas?  

[Waifed]

It takes time and processing. Your self esteem is quite possibly damaged from the emotional and mental abuse. Work on getting it back. I was still "loyal" to her at 8 months NC. I could not be with anyone else because I felt like I was betraying her. Around 10-12 months out I was ready to date again. I still had a difficult time finding someone that even remotely matched the intense feelings I had for my ex. I may never get there but my therapist says it's because the push/pull amplified the intensity. I was chasing something that wasn't possible.

Now, at 16 months I am enjoying life again. Sadly enough I still think about her at times and even still have moments that I crave something about her or the way I used to feel. I am dating a lot now and it is fun. It's amazing how well things work out when your self esteem returns. I wouldn't give my ex the time of day if I ran into her. I wouldn't be ugly, but I can easily see thru all the craziness. Hang in there. Take life one day at a time and cherish the good days because they are your window to what your future looks like. I never thought I would be happy again. Not only am I self aware, I am aware of others and see red flags more easily. I choose to remove myself from those situations. I am honest with myself and others now. I am now engaged in my life. You will get there too. Stay NC completely no matter how hard it is. Resist the addiction. You now can see that she is a dead end for you. Nothing positive will come from interacting with her. You both trigger one another and that will never change.