Need help understanding something.

[Xidion]

I believe my ex to be BPD with some NPD traits. One thing I remember is how's jealous she always was I'd her brother and step brother. She would talk about how her step brother always got everything he wanted,  but she didn't. The same with her real brother. She could never just let it go. Jammo,  can I get your insight on my ex noticeably driving by places that I am at?

As an honest opinion to your question, if she is more BPD she doesnt know what she wants, she cant handle her emotions (come here i love you, go away i hate you) so she MAY be doing this to provoke a reaction for you to reach out to her by saying "hey saw you the other day"  she may also be keeping an eye on you, remember Cluster Bs are selfish, so shes thinking if he moves on and gets a new gf I will make sure i give him hell for abandoning me.  Where as if your dealing with a real NPD she wont even acknowledge you exist, she most certainly wont be thinking about you because to her your a distant memory.  Personally if she is an actual NPD i would run because your only going to give her a reason to abuse you and trust me she finds great pleasure in doing so because it makes her feel powerful!     

She's more BPD. She shares all of the traits of BPD. I didn't give into the temptation of contacting her when I saw her doing this.  Why should I? She is idealizing my replacement right now.  I don't want to engage in her stupid games,  although the curiosity still lingers.

[Left broken and confused]

I also believe my ex is BPD definitely with very strong NPD traits.  I just realized the only time he would respond me during an argument was when I used to yell at him. I am very laid back and normally don't raise my voice but a hand full of times I lost it and it was like he popped back to himself and apologized. Sort of like a mother and child

[HappyNihilist]

Here's a bit of powerful psychology for you, when the BPD runs away, blocks us, banishes us from their Kingdom, they are trying to make you feel invisible just like how they felt when they were abused as children, they want us to feel their pain as punishment for our actions.

It's not about us at all.

When a pwBPD runs away, they are doing so to avoid their own pain and potential emotional death. They're not trying to punish us, or make us feel like they did as children. It has nothing to do with us.

I absolutely agree. It's not about us at all. It's the disorder.

If it wasn't about us and about them entirely, you wouldnt see over half the members on this forum trying to analyse beyond normal human behaviour.  For example, if it wasn't about us, then why would they smear campaign us? Tell everyone how bad we were.  If it was solely about them they would run away into the darkness with complete indifference, but instead, the BPD lashed out at us, plays the role of the victim and makes it known that we are the evil ones, that we were the ones that hurt them.  So as far as being the selfish little child that never grew up is concerned, your right, it's not about us, but if that were the case then whydo they make it known through emotional and sometimes physical behaviour that we have wronged them long after the relationship had ended.

The specific behavior being discussed in that particular instance was the running away. Which has everything to do with the pwBPD's core fears.

Why do they harbor resentments, smear us, etc.? Because we have become the dumping grounds for their negative feelings. They felt bad when they were with us, so in their minds we must have done something to make them feel bad. They can't handle these painful feelings without finding someone to "blame." This is not done consciously; it's a survival mechanism. We become the bucket into which they pour these negative emotions.

They say that we have wronged them because they believe that we have wronged/failed them. That is their reality. They felt bad... .we must have caused it... .case closed.

That doesn't mean that the behavior is meant to punish us. If anything, it's more to soothe the pwBPD's pain and fears than anything to do with us.