I want her out of my life but not complying

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I broke up with my ex BPDgf just over 6 weeks ago now and she got a new bf within 12 hours . The usual things happening hateful texts ,blaming everything on me , etc etc she even tried smear campaigning me that back fired on her and lost all of her freinds over it . A call from her asking me to leave her alone and not to contact her again she then blocked my number . A few hours later saw her at a mutual freinds house (awkward) few hours after she unblocked me followed by a text saying sorry I bumped into you and has left me unblocked ever since. So I went NC . And have been now until yesterday only because the sky tv at her house is in my name and we agreed that she would transfer the payments for the remainder of the contract (6 months ) ive text her asking politely at first no response! So left it 8 hours and asked again stating clearly that I do not want anything to do with her and the sky tv is just keeping me connected to her and I want to delete her number and get her out of my life as this is what she asked for and wants and also it is what I want as she has hurt me far to much and I do not want someone like that in my life I'm a good person and I deserve better. Again no reply .

I've sent her one more text this morning and made it clear if she does not reply I will have no alternative but to cancel it !

I'm So confused as to why she is not responding to me as I'm doing what she has asked and also she has had no problems cutting other ex boyfriends out of her life blocking them every way possible . I've made it clear I want to move on . Now do you think she is doing out of spite to be awkward? Or possibly mind games ? It she is avoiding the issue as she wants to try to recycle me at some point .

I really don't get it I'm giving her the opportunity to cut all ties so we both can move on and she is refusing by ignorance and shear silence but left me unblocked on her phone.

[Splitblack4good]

I broke up with my ex BPDgf just over 6 weeks ago now and she got a new bf within 12 hours . The usual things happening hateful texts ,blaming everything on me , etc etc she even tried smear campaigning me that back fired on her and lost all of her freinds over it . A call from her asking me to leave her alone and not to contact her again she then blocked my number . A few hours later saw her at a mutual freinds house (awkward) few hours after she unblocked me followed by a text saying sorry I bumped into you and has left me unblocked ever since. So I went NC . And have been now until yesterday only because the sky tv at her house is in my name and we agreed that she would transfer the payments for the remainder of the contract (6 months ) ive text her asking politely at first no response! So left it 8 hours and asked again stating clearly that I do not want anything to do with her and the sky tv is just keeping me connected to her and I want to delete her number and get her out of my life as this is what she asked for and wants and also it is what I want as she has hurt me far to much and I do not want someone like that in my life I'm a good person and I deserve better. Again no reply .

I've sent her one more text this morning and made it clear if she does not reply I will have no alternative but to cancel it !

I'm So confused as to why she is not responding to me as I'm doing what she has asked and also she has had no problems cutting other ex boyfriends out of her life blocking them every way possible . I've made it clear I want to move on . Now do you think she is doing out of spite to be awkward? Or possibly mind games ? It she is avoiding the issue as she wants to try to recycle me at some point .

I really don't get it I'm giving her the opportunity to cut all ties so we both can move on and she is refusing by ignorance and shear silence but left me unblocked on her phone.

[Xidion]

As long as she doesn't reply to you, she feels like she is in control. Remember that with them it's all about control. Don't think about a recycle at this point. Yes, it is a mind game. Stay strong... you do NOT need this person in your life. I know it's hard to cut absolutely all ties. I still have my ex's clothes here that she told me to throw them away. I'll just return them to her at some point.

Don't try to figure out why she is doing what she is doing. You have no control over what she does. What you DO have control over is what you do.

[Splitblack4good]

As long as she doesn't reply to you, she feels like she is in control. Remember that with them it's all about control. Don't think about a recycle at this point. Yes, it is a mind game. Stay strong... you do NOT need this person in your life. I know it's hard to cut absolutely all ties. I still have my ex's clothes here that she told me to throw them away. I'll just return them to her at some point.

Don't try to figure out why she is doing what she is doing. You have no control over what she does. What you DO have control over is what you do.

Exactly I want her gone out of my life I've made my mind up now she is toxic and nearly ruined my life I nearly went insane myself with her gaslighting toward the end. I was even crying down the phone to her after an argument once saying I dont know who I am anymore ! That was not good I was starting to become her and didn't know my own mind the past 6 months of the relationship i pushed a good mate away from her manipulation and mind games I nearly lost work through her constantly pressuring me to spend more time with her I loved my fishing and because of her Ive lost interest in that now due to her way of making me feel bad for wanting to go fishing so I spent that time with her instead to then her twisting it saying why don't you go fishing ! Why do they make you feel guilty and quistion yourself they are so clever at mind manipulation.That was crazy and when i realised I need this women out of my life and a week later I ended it before she made me crazy . The past 6 weeks have been difficult I would be lying if I said otherwise but I'm stronger now and I'm 110% certain I want her in my life NO MORE!

[Xidion]

As long as she doesn't reply to you, she feels like she is in control. Remember that with them it's all about control. Don't think about a recycle at this point. Yes, it is a mind game. Stay strong... you do NOT need this person in your life. I know it's hard to cut absolutely all ties. I still have my ex's clothes here that she told me to throw them away. I'll just return them to her at some point.

Don't try to figure out why she is doing what she is doing. You have no control over what she does. What you DO have control over is what you do.

Exactly I want her gone out of my life I've made my mind up now she is toxic and nearly ruined my life I nearly went insane myself with her gaslighting toward the end. I was even crying down the phone to her after an argument once saying I dont know who I am anymore ! That was not good I was starting to become her and didn't know my own mind . That was crazy and when i realised I need this women out of my life and a week later I ended it before she made me crazy . The past 6 weeks have been difficult I would be lying if I said otherwise but I'm stronger now and I'm 110% certain I want her in my life NO MORE!

I'm right there with you when you say you started to become her. I started to feel depressed and alone, like she always told me how she felt. I know it's hard man, trust me. I'm 7 weeks post b/u and 23 days no contact. I still have nightmares about her. We will get through this. Will also go on to live happy lives... they will NOT ever be happy. Do what you gotta do to rid yourself of her. Just cancel whatever it is you need to cancel and be strong.

[Splitblack4good]

As long as she doesn't reply to you, she feels like she is in control. Remember that with them it's all about control. Don't think about a recycle at this point. Yes, it is a mind game. Stay strong... you do NOT need this person in your life. I know it's hard to cut absolutely all ties. I still have my ex's clothes here that she told me to throw them away. I'll just return them to her at some point.

Don't try to figure out why she is doing what she is doing. You have no control over what she does. What you DO have control over is what you do.

Exactly I want her gone out of my life I've made my mind up now she is toxic and nearly ruined my life I nearly went insane myself with her gaslighting toward the end. I was even crying down the phone to her after an argument once saying I dont know who I am anymore ! That was not good I was starting to become her and didn't know my own mind . That was crazy and when i realised I need this women out of my life and a week later I ended it before she made me crazy . The past 6 weeks have been difficult I would be lying if I said otherwise but I'm stronger now and I'm 110% certain I want her in my life NO MORE!

I'm right there with you when you say you started to become her. I started to feel depressed and alone, like she always told me how she felt. I know it's hard man, trust me. I'm 7 weeks post b/u and 23 days no contact. I still have nightmares about her. We will get through this. Will also go on to live happy lives... they will NOT ever be happy. Do what you gotta do to rid yourself of her. Just cancel whatever it is you need to cancel and be strong.

I am not loosing anymore of my mind or life for this women I loved her she did NOT love me I have come to terms with this now I'm only 6 weeks out but am remembering so many things now and the last 24 hours the penny has finally stopped dropping slowly and it hit the floor hard !.

Regarding cancelling the sky tv contract yes your right I have full control over it and she can't say I haven't given her fair warning! She thinks I'm bluffing due to the fact she knows she can use her 4 children as emotional blackmail if I cancel it as she knows full well that I love them kids like my own.and I'd be hurting them by cancelling the tv and Internet as it was mostly done for them at the time.

However I have given her fair opportunity to transfer payment details in her name to keep it active . I think your right she is still trying to be in control and keep me attached!

Surley tho if she wants me out of her life like she says she does then why has she not done what I have suggested? So we can both get on with our lives.

[Xidion]

As long as she doesn't reply to you, she feels like she is in control. Remember that with them it's all about control. Don't think about a recycle at this point. Yes, it is a mind game. Stay strong... you do NOT need this person in your life. I know it's hard to cut absolutely all ties. I still have my ex's clothes here that she told me to throw them away. I'll just return them to her at some point.

Don't try to figure out why she is doing what she is doing. You have no control over what she does. What you DO have control over is what you do.

Exactly I want her gone out of my life I've made my mind up now she is toxic and nearly ruined my life I nearly went insane myself with her gaslighting toward the end. I was even crying down the phone to her after an argument once saying I dont know who I am anymore ! That was not good I was starting to become her and didn't know my own mind . That was crazy and when i realised I need this women out of my life and a week later I ended it before she made me crazy . The past 6 weeks have been difficult I would be lying if I said otherwise but I'm stronger now and I'm 110% certain I want her in my life NO MORE!

I'm right there with you when you say you started to become her. I started to feel depressed and alone, like she always told me how she felt. I know it's hard man, trust me. I'm 7 weeks post b/u and 23 days no contact. I still have nightmares about her. We will get through this. Will also go on to live happy lives... they will NOT ever be happy. Do what you gotta do to rid yourself of her. Just cancel whatever it is you need to cancel and be strong.

I am not loosing anymore of my mind or life for this women I loved her she did NOT love me I have come to terms with this now I'm only 6 weeks out but am remembering so many things now and the last 24 hours the penny has finally stopped dropping slowly and it hit the floor hard !.

Regarding cancelling the sky tv contract yes your right I have full control over it and she can't say I haven't given her fair warning! She thinks I'm bluffing due to the fact she knows she can use her 4 children as emotional blackmail if I cancel it as she knows full well that I love them kids like my own.and I'd be hurting them by cancelling the tv and Internet as it was mostly done for them at the time.

However I have given her fair opportunity to transfer payment details in her name to keep it active . I think your right she is still trying to be in control and keep me attached!

Surley tho if she wants me out of her life like she says she does then why has she not done what I have suggested? So we can both get on with our lives.

She most likely thinks that you're weak and won't actually cancel it. By not responding she is telling you that you're bluffing. These people know us very well. If you do cancel it, be prepared to get bombarded with hate and ignore all of it. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. She is off playing games. Don't do that to yourself. You deserve better. Take control of your own life.

[Splitblack4good]

Thing is I am doing exactly what she has asked of me she has told me to stay out of her life ! I wonder if my replacement knows about any of this ? I'm tempted to message him on FB and clearly state about the sky tv and need this sorted so I can delete her number if she is playing games then I can go one better !

[Splitblack4good]

As long as she doesn't reply to you, she feels like she is in control. Remember that with them it's all about control. Don't think about a recycle at this point. Yes, it is a mind game. Stay strong... you do NOT need this person in your life. I know it's hard to cut absolutely all ties. I still have my ex's clothes here that she told me to throw them away. I'll just return them to her at some point.

Don't try to figure out why she is doing what she is doing. You have no control over what she does. What you DO have control over is what you do.

Exactly I want her gone out of my life I've made my mind up now she is toxic and nearly ruined my life I nearly went insane myself with her gaslighting toward the end. I was even crying down the phone to her after an argument once saying I dont know who I am anymore ! That was not good I was starting to become her and didn't know my own mind . That was crazy and when i realised I need this women out of my life and a week later I ended it before she made me crazy . The past 6 weeks have been difficult I would be lying if I said otherwise but I'm stronger now and I'm 110% certain I want her in my life NO MORE!

I'm right there with you when you say you started to become her. I started to feel depressed and alone, like she always told me how she felt. I know it's hard man, trust me. I'm 7 weeks post b/u and 23 days no contact. I still have nightmares about her. We will get through this. Will also go on to live happy lives... they will NOT ever be happy. Do what you gotta do to rid yourself of her. Just cancel whatever it is you need to cancel and be strong.

I am not loosing anymore of my mind or life for this women I loved her she did NOT love me I have come to terms with this now I'm only 6 weeks out but am remembering so many things now and the last 24 hours the penny has finally stopped dropping slowly and it hit the floor hard !.

Regarding cancelling the sky tv contract yes your right I have full control over it and she can't say I haven't given her fair warning! She thinks I'm bluffing due to the fact she knows she can use her 4 children as emotional blackmail if I cancel it as she knows full well that I love them kids like my own.and I'd be hurting them by cancelling the tv and Internet as it was mostly done for them at the time.

However I have given her fair opportunity to transfer payment details in her name to keep it active . I think your right she is still trying to be in control and keep me attached!

Surley tho if she wants me out of her life like she says she does then why has she not done what I have suggested? So we can both get on with our lives.

She most likely thinks that you're weak and won't actually cancel it. By not responding she is telling you that you're bluffing. These people know us very well. If you do cancel it, be prepared to get bombarded with hate and ignore all of it. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. She is off playing games. Don't do that to yourself. You deserve better. Take control of your own life.

One thing that is confusing me the most all is if ther was something connecting her other exes to her once they split she has sorted it joint bank accounts bills etc. then blocked them and cut them off completely it's been 6 weeks now and she is not doing this with me why break her trend and pattern?

[enlighten me]

Cancel it. Message her saying youve done it then delete her number and get on with YOUR life. Be prepared for the repercussions. The vile abusive texts but remember they cant hurt you if you dont let them.

[Infared]

They live for dramarama.

Cancel the TV.  ... .and do anything you can to sever all ties and contact.  Change your phone number if you need to. If you are expecting her to act like a decent, rational person you will always be a deer in the headlights.

[Splitblack4good]

Why does everything have to be a game to these people ? I don't even want her having my number it's creepy to say the least why she has even left me unblocked on her phone !

[Blimblam]

Why does everything have to be a game to these people ? I don't even want her having my number it's creepy to say the least why she has even left me unblocked on her phone !

Validation

[Splitblack4good]

Why does everything have to be a game to these people ? I don't even want her having my number it's creepy to say the least why she has even left me unblocked on her phone !

Validation

Blimblam how do you mean validation? Surely she is getting that from my replacement? She will not be getting that from again as long as I have a pulse and my heart is beating!

[Blimblam]

Why does everything have to be a game to these people ? I don't even want her having my number it's creepy to say the least why she has even left me unblocked on her phone !

Validation

Blimblam how do you mean validation? Surely she is getting that from my replacement? She will not be getting that from again as long as I have a pulse and my heart is beating!

My ex always said she treated others how she wanted to be treated.  And the one thing she was a master at was validation of others.  She could seduce anyone with her validation.  Ultimately that is what they are after validation.  If you text her or contact her then she is validated that you are thinking about her.

[Splitblack4good]

Why does everything have to be a game to these people ? I don't even want her having my number it's creepy to say the least why she has even left me unblocked on her phone !

Validation

Blimblam how do you mean validation? Surely she is getting that from my replacement? She will not be getting that from again as long as I have a pulse and my heart is beating!

My ex always said she treated others how she wanted to be treated.  And the one thing she was a master at was validation of others.  She could seduce anyone with her validation.  Ultimately that is what they are after validation.  If you text her or contact her then she is validated that you are thinking about her.

So what you are indeed saying is although I'm trying to get her out of my life (that's what she wants aswell) I'm validating her by doin so ? I get that in all honesty ! Do you think that's why she has left me unblocked and no other reason ?

[Splitblack4good]

Are you sure she isn't just being ignorant? It's the whole no win situation they love ! She knows if I cancel it I will have to pay a fee I'm thinking of doing this and paying the fee just to get her out of my life .

[enlighten me]

I paid my exgf first month rent and deposit just to get rid of her. It was worth double that.

[Infared]

Why does everything have to be a game to these people ? I don't even want her having my number it's creepy to say the least why she has even left me unblocked on her phone !

Validation

Blimblam how do you mean validation? Surely she is getting that from my replacement? She will not be getting that from again as long as I have a pulse and my heart is beating!

There is NEVER enough.

[Rise]

Thing is I am doing exactly what she has asked of me she has told me to stay out of her life ! I wonder if my replacement knows about any of this ? I'm tempted to message him on FB and clearly state about the sky tv and need this sorted so I can delete her number if she is playing games then I can go one better !

Split... .just cancel it. It's not like getting a tv/internet provider is that difficult, she 's a grow-up, let her handle it. You warned her what was going to happen. It doesn't sound like you were a jerk, and you've given her ample time to deal with this. You've done your part. If you seriously don't want to be part of her life, don't be part of her life. Stop playing the game. Don't let a disconnect fee stand in the way of that.

This is going to sound harsh, but at this point, you are keeping this connection going as much as she is. You did you part, and now you have the choice to end it, and instead you want to FB her current guy. That's not staying out of her life. That's finding a way to perpetuate the drama. If you really want to delete her number, stop interacting with her, and start getting on with your life, you have the ability to do so. It's your choice now.

[Splitblack4good]

Thing is I am doing exactly what she has asked of me she has told me to stay out of her life ! I wonder if my replacement knows about any of this ? I'm tempted to message him on FB and clearly state about the sky tv and need this sorted so I can delete her number if she is playing games then I can go one better !

Split... .just cancel it. It's not like getting a tv/internet provider is that difficult, she 's a grow-up, let her handle it. You warned her what was going to happen. It doesn't sound like you were a jerk, and you've given her ample time to deal with this. You've done your part. If you seriously don't want to be part of her life, don't be part of her life. Stop playing the game. Don't let a disconnect fee stand in the way of that.

This is going to sound harsh, but at this point, you are keeping this connection going as much as she is. You did you part, and now you have the choice to end it, and instead you want to FB her current guy. That's not staying out of her life. That's finding a way to perpetuate the drama. If you really want to delete her number, stop interacting with her, and start getting on with your life, you have the ability to do so. It's your choice now.

Thanks for your advise and your right . She can not get credit on a sky tv account her credit history is to damaged now I can understand why with the BPD so she will not get an account on her own. At first she asked if I could text her the bill once a month to them pay it into my account however that means contact ! I want to move on so yes your right again I have been more than fair and given her enough time and chances to sort this it was only a case of her textinge her account details to do the swap . It's been over 48 hours so I just need to do it now.

[Targeted]

Split, why have you not cancelled the TV yet? Why have you been supporting their relationship this long by giving them free television to cuddle and watch together? Why are you paying your hard earned money To make your replacements life easier and more enjoyable? You have no control over her but the good news is you have full control over yourself, your finances is something that is offered of yourself in a relationship, your relationship! This is not your relationship right now so let him pay for the dam TV that he is watching. I understand the whole guilt trip thing about the kids that may come your way but ignore it. It is time she rely on her choices to support her, she chose him! Cancel the TV now and let her deal with it because every day that goes by she is taking advantage of you. Do not worry whether or not your phone number is still in her phone or whether it is blocked or not because you have no control over that unless you take control and change your number, if you do not want to change your number either right from your phone or online you can totally block hers.

Take control

[Splitblack4good]

Split, why have you not cancelled the TV yet? Why have you been supporting their relationship this long by giving them free television to cuddle and watch together? Why are you paying your hard earned money To make your replacements life easier and more enjoyable? You have no control over her but the good news is you have full control over yourself, your finances is something that is offered of yourself in a relationship, your relationship! This is not your relationship right now so let him pay for the dam TV that he is watching. I understand the whole guilt trip thing about the kids that may come your way but ignore it. It is time she rely on her choices to support her, she chose him! Cancel the TV now and let her deal with it because every day that goes by she is taking advantage of you. Do not worry whether or not your phone number is still in her phone or whether it is blocked or not because you have no control over that unless you take control and change your number, if you do not want to change your number either right from your phone or online you can totally block hers.

Take control

She did pay for last month so in fairness I havnt been paying for them to watch tv . I think there is some confusion here folks . The contract is in my name due to her not being able to get an account. She has asked me to text her once a month the price of the bill so she can carry on paying it. However I do not wish to carry on having contact with her whatsoever! What she can do is have the direct debit come from her account each month all it will take is a phone call to swap the details for the remainder of the contact . She is not responding to my text messages regarding this I have made it clear why I am not happy and willing to have contact with her anymore . The option I have given her regarding this is more than fair and she still gets what she wants .

[TheDude]

Split - Cowboy up and cancel it. Go. Now. Just do it and get it over with. Right now!

[Targeted]

Sorry for the confusion of payment but that is just as bad, if you have a good credit so that you can get the account she is still using you, she is going to have two be in contact with you monthly in order to pay the bill, get your name out of her relationship, if she is not with you why would you even let her use your name? Hopefully her new choice as a unemployed drug dealer as you said has impeccable credit and can obtain a account for the television.  If he cannot obtain a account for the television and neither could she and the kids wind up losing it is not your fault,  SHE CHOSE IT!  Your initial choice was to stay there and take care of these things but she chose something else, her problem now

[Targeted]

I strongly agree with TheDude,

If you don't then she still has you right where she wants you.

" hello sky TV?  Yes this is splitblack and my ex and I are no longer together and I would like to cancel this account. "

[Splitblack4good]

I strongly agree with TheDude,

If you don't then she still has you right where she wants you.

" hello sky TV?  Yes this is splitblack and my ex and I are no longer together and I would like to cancel this account. "

I have made the call if I wish to cancel it I will have to pay the remainder of the contract at 6months ! Ouch ! Or I can transfer into her name paymet wise ive text her saying she has less than 24 hours to contact me regarding this if I fail to hear from her it will be cancelled END OF ! I also made her fully aware I'm not paying or having my name in this at her benefit ! I'd rather pay it off so I'm no longer involved with this women any longer the ball is in her court !

[Splitblack4good]

Since Ive sent my last and final text to her making it perfectly clear I am not going to tolerate her s h i t regarding this sky tv ! Since then had 2 phone calls from an unknown number it rings then hangs up ! I have a feeling her emotions are coming into play after that last text I can't be 100% sure it was her but this happened 2 weeks ago after I sent her a meaningful text I do not think this is a coincidence! Why ring then hang up ? What is she hoping to achieve here ? She is faced with a decision I do not think she can handle reality may have kicked in ? She still has 12 hours to reply if she doesn't reality really is gona hit her as ther will be no channels available on her TV set and by the time that happens her number will be blocked and she will be blocked from every avenue !

[Splitblack4good]

It's done she's gone for good (I hope ?) the sky is cancelled she tried calling my bluff ! She tried ringing my phone I cut her off . She is now blocked on every avenue . She done this to her self . Did or do I love this woman? No I fell in love with her words my own dream of a future, married, kids and a future that wasn't to come . That took a massive amount of strength but it had to be done onwards and upwards now time to finish healing and here's to a new start a new year and this year will be but a distant memory.

[Seriously?]

Good for you, Splitblack!  I hesitated for a minute on canceling my husband's cell phone and car insurance, but I also did it and never felt like I was in the wrong.  He chose to shove me and then not take me up on the offer of reconciliation after counseling.  He chose not to be with me, so I chose to cancel him off my accounts.  Liberating,  isn't it, Splitblack?