Help for another victim

[AlbertS]

I have met a girl, found some very strong red flags, and stopped to talk to her. She went to my friend to complain about me (probably lies), and they are a pair now. (Or rather "friend", we are not in regular contact, and he did not check the facts with me.) Most people say that it is pointless to tell the guy why he shouldn't be dating her, so I am just watching how it develops with interest. But I suspect this will break eventually (she is already telling nasty stories about how he does not respect her, I am not sure whether they are true... .there is certainly at least a grain of truth, so I don't really know what to think). Is there any way to help him by sharing my knowledge then? Like, tell him that it was not his fault, explain projections and BPD in general, warn about distortion campaigns (I would probably know if she does contact his friends to smear him, so with my help, she would not be able to do this in secret), etc.

[Rise]

I'm going to give you the advice that was given to me: Don't put yourself in the middle of it. A relationship between two people doesn't get better by adding more people into the mix. If things start melting down, and your friend comes to you looking for support, sure, share away. Help him if he asks for it. Until that point though, it's probably best to let your friend deal with his relationship on his own terms. There's a good chance that due to the things your friend has been told, as well as your previous relationship with his girlfriend that what you tell him is going to come across as sour grapes, even if it's done with the best of intentions.

[AlbertS]

Yeah, that's what I thought... .I mean, I could not find any better solution myself, but asked just in case there was. Thanks!

(Note that I was never in relationship with her, or even interested in her. It was clear for me right from the beginning that something is wrong with her.)

[Infern0]

If she's a borderline and he's with her then he won't belive you anyway.

Sorry but your friend is going to just have to go through it.

[enlighten me]

All you can do is wait for tge relationship to end and then support your fruend. If she is BPD then having skmeone at the end telling him he wasnt crazy and giving some explanation of what went on will be a great relief for him. Its not something to unload in one hit thiugh as you remain confused and in denial for a long time after it ends. You may also be in a position to curb the smear campaign as you are more likely to hear things than he is.

[Infern0]

All you can do is wait for tge relationship to end and then support your fruend. If she is BPD then having skmeone at the end telling him he wasnt crazy and giving some explanation of what went on will be a great relief for him. Its not something to unload in one hit thiugh as you remain confused and in denial for a long time after it ends. You may also be in a position to curb the smear campaign as you are more likely to hear things than he is.

Yup,  standard script.  Just let it play out,  it's only a matter of time.