My relationship with my foster daughter fell to bits

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi , My first post on this board. I'm not a prolific poster by any means but I will be eternally grateful for the support I received from these boards when I most needed it, when my relationship with my foster daughter fell to bits and I began to learn about the illness BPD. I still struggle sometimes to comprehend how someone I was so close to can cut her ties so decidedly and brutally and yet when I read stories on here, so many times I see similarities and think I could have written that. I'm learning to see my own role in the story and how I enabled bad behaviour all too often and allowed my boundaries to be eroded, all in the eternal hope that things could improve, with one more chance... .I think in my head I now know that there is nothing I could have done differently and that because of her  belief that everyone she cares about ultimately rejects her  made her rejection of me inevitable and  was not of my making but sometimes, just sometimes my heart still struggles to accept it all. Esp at this time of year. With all the emphasis on 'happy families' around me my thoughts have turned to my f daughter and how she might be, and I know that I can not allow myself to be drawn back down that road as it will not be helpful in any way.So, instead i thought I would post on here, and say many heartfelt thanks to this community for existing , for allowing us all to learn about this awful illness and find our own way of trying to heal, for the compassion and understanding shown by members to each other, to the family  who find comfort from each other in our pain and struggling and to the path of self awareness that these boards have helped me find my way onto. Some days are easy, some are harder but I know that without the understanding and kindness from folk on here, I would be a lot less further down that path.

I wish each and every one of you a peaceful and happy Christmas and thank you for being here for me when I need you.

[joolz29]

Hi , My first post on this board. I'm not a prolific poster by any means but I will be eternally grateful for the support I received from these boards when I most needed it, when my relationship with my foster daughter fell to bits and I began to learn about the illness BPD. I still struggle sometimes to comprehend how someone I was so close to can cut her ties so decidedly and brutally and yet when I read stories on here, so many times I see similarities and think I could have written that. I'm learning to see my own role in the story and how I enabled bad behaviour all too often and allowed my boundaries to be eroded, all in the eternal hope that things could improve, with one more chance... .I think in my head I now know that there is nothing I could have done differently and that because of her  belief that everyone she cares about ultimately rejects her  made her rejection of me inevitable and  was not of my making but sometimes, just sometimes my heart still struggles to accept it all. Esp at this time of year. With all the emphasis on 'happy families' around me my thoughts have turned to my f daughter and how she might be, and I know that I can not allow myself to be drawn back down that road as it will not be helpful in any way.So, instead i thought I would post on here, and say many heartfelt thanks to this community for existing , for allowing us all to learn about this awful illness and find our own way of trying to heal, for the compassion and understanding shown by members to each other, to the family  who find comfort from each other in our pain and struggling and to the path of self awareness that these boards have helped me find my way onto. Some days are easy, some are harder but I know that without the understanding and kindness from folk on here, I would be a lot less further down that path.

I wish each and every one of you a peaceful and happy Christmas and thank you for being here for me when I need you.

[joolz29]

Just realised I'm using my own short hand which you guys may not be familiar with - f daughter = foster daughter!

[Skip]

I know that I can not allow myself to be drawn back down that road as it will not be helpful in any way.So, instead i thought I would post on here, and say many heartfelt thanks to this community for existing , for allowing us all to learn about this awful illness and find our own way of trying to heal, for the compassion and understanding shown by members to each other, to the family  who find comfort from each other in our pain and struggling and to the path of self awareness that these boards have helped me find my way onto.

Tell us what has happened.

[joolz29]

Trying to get out of this mess

« on: September 28, 2013, 09:23:13 AM »

My story began here... .I wont re tell it but the details are on that thread.

[KarenDH]

My heart goes out to you. My uBPDw and I are currently separated after 8 years together and our son is living with his biological father. This holiday season I have been looking enviously at happy families... even families fighting and wondering how could it be so easy to lose that connection literally overnight? My son and I text from time to time but after being his fully present mother for most of his life it feels like he will forget me soon.

Knowing that what happened doesn't make sense is a little comforting not that it makes it any easier.

Hugs

Karen

[joolz29]

Thanks Karen - yeah this time of year is particularly hard. I feel for you. I'm sure your son will not forget you . I agree that understanding the 'whys' of all this apparently  can help on some level but we still have to learn to live with the fall out of it all  and the feelings of loss and that is painful. Hope you are managing to get through this difficult time with some happiness in there. Hugs back, Joolz