Undermined

[Trog]

I can imagine undermining and belittling the achievements and opinions of their partners is common from all else ive learnt about this illness. Was this a frequent occurance in your relationship?

I had my skills in bed firstly praised, then ridiculed.

I had my job/hobbies praised and then damned.

I had my strengths initially celebrated as strengths and then turned against me.

And the worst, I had my insecurities at first soothed and then used as ammunition to attack my very core being.

And all without breaking a sweat and not an ounce of guilt, remorse or apology.

I dislike my ex intensely today! Some days I really struggle to understand the point in her existance. She makes everyone miserable! Why? Why did God create this monster!

[misty_red]

I had my skills in bed firstly praised, then ridiculed.

I'm a female bisexual and was her first woman. Her exact words in the beginning: "Woah. It's even better with a woman. The intensity, it never gets boring. It's so good!" and right before my discard: "You were only an experiment. I told you from the beginning. I'm more into men. I love their muscles, their bodies... .everything."

I had my job/hobbies praised and then damned.

I work in the social system. In the beginning she said things like "I could never do that. It must be very hard to work with these people. It's good that people are out there to be able to help them. We need people like you.", right before the discard she made fun of my job and that I would work with the scum of society.

I had my strengths initially celebrated as strengths and then turned against me.

"You are so intelligent and do understand me. No one else does. You are so kind and compassinate towards me. No one's been like that to me before.", right before the discard I was being called week because of these things.

And the worst, I had my insecurities at first soothed and then used as ammunition to attack my very core being.

Right from the beginning I was being honest with her and told her about my aspergers. I told her about all my insecurities and the things I have problems with. She was totally okay with that, helped me in difficult situations (which where 'caused by her weird behaviour... .). But in the end she used all my insecurities and my problems against me... .She knew exactly what to do to make me anxious or frightened, unease and stuff and of course in the end I was accused of being the one with a mental illness (autism isn't a mental illness btw... .and believe me, people know about my aspergers but I never abused them or anything... .).

And all without breaking a sweat and not an ounce of guilt, remorse or apology.

Yep, pretty much that.

I think there you really can see their black-and-white-thinking... .It really comes through.

[AwakenedOne]

Why? Why did God create this monster!

Bad parenting, genetics and other environmental factors are what creates the BPD. I feel that my ex was "created" by her fkd up mother and father.

[mallard3868]

again its like all of these posts are coming straight from my mouth!

Everything that "she fell in love with" was totally and completely damned in the end. She told me in the beginning when she saw me with my kids "she knew that was the type of man I wanted to be with" and in the end ... ."you are a sucker, your blind to them, I hate her, she lies, she is mean just to be mean and oh yeah; my kids say they hate you as well!" ... .I could go on and on.

Its just something that's inside them, that push/pull thing. A steel shade comes down when they turn and no amount of reason or logic will do. They simply block us out and are laser focused on the outcome for their own self preservation.

I have never seen anything like it! It makes no sense to us... .I guess that's exactly the reason we are all here?

[Xidion]

Same story... She loved that I played guitar and had a passion for music, she loved that I always challenged her mentally and wanted her to speak what was on her mind, loved that I was "smart". At the end, She was passive aggressive toward all of those things, ridiculing me for everything she ever liked about me.

[CloseToFreedom]

Oh yes, in the beginning she loved that I was indepentent (with my own house and a good job). In the end she hated the time I spend on my career, bringing in the money, getting better at it. She wouldn't say it like that out loud but she complained often that I didn't had enough time for her and she didn't care about my job at all. Part of my job is appearing in internet videos on a website, she didn't look at a video of me ONCE. Not ONCE. Hell, my own mother watches all my videos and I don't expect that from my lover, but not even watching it once? C'mon.

And about the independence, after a while she would critize the apartment I was living in. She would complain I was not independent enough! Sometimes my mother dropped by and she would bring some croceries. Oh no! How dare she!

Skills in bed same thing. In the beginning she loved it, always said how good it was. But this ties with my insecurities, as I made the mistake of telling her once that I had some anxiety with that sometimes. Sure enough, during the really big arguments, she screamed I was lousy in bed, even claiming she always faked orgasms. And when we were together again, she would say that she just said that because she was mad. Basically that justified saying something like that in her head. Followed by 'you say a lot of nasty things in arguments as well'.

That's true though. I often lowered myself to her standards during arguments. I also picked the stuff she was insecure about and used it against her, just to get even with her saying something hurtful. Ashamed of that, and it often made me think I was the crazy one, but I'm past that now.

[Trog]

It is true that once you come under that kind of attack eventually you do fall to their level. I remember dismissing her friends and family, not her job, but her taste in music. But I remember at the time I didn't really mean any of those things they were simply a way of defending myself and giving her a taste of her own medicine.

I don't recommend this, don't wrestle with the pigs, you get dirty and they enjoy it