Need feedback on how to handle contact

[NonAverageJoe]

So the Ex called, I silenced it. Then she texted.

If you want your stuff you can come get it I can put it outside my door if you want if not I will throw it all out... .

Verbatim.

What is the best way to handle this?

[Infared]

If you can let the possessions go, let them go. Don't respond. Move on with your life.

If there are things you need, give her a specific time, tell her you will be there to pick them up (or send a friend or take someone with you to neutralize the situation if that feels better), and tell her you think it best if you not see her or interact with her.

Whatever you do... .take care of you and keep you out of harms way. Physical or emotional.

It's an uncomfortable place to be... .but do everything that you can to love you. She doesn't.

[NonAverageJoe]

I'm tempted to have a roommate come with me tonight and just go knock on the door and get the stuff. No response from me, I get my stuff, don't have to see her or interact.

[peace_seeker]

I would say to just collect it and get it done and over with. Ask ur roommate if you need to. Dont be like me... I asked my exBPD to throw away all my stuff, but he still find the need to dump all my stuff outside my house. Not a very welcoming sight. And you won't want to spend the rest of ur days wondering when she'll bother you again with your stuff or going home and seeing your stuff right outside ur door.

Stay strong!

[Infared]

I'm tempted to have a roommate come with me tonight and just go knock on the door and get the stuff. No response from me, I get my stuff, don't have to see her or interact.

Go with support. The third person neutralizes the situation.

Good luck. I feel for Ya... .tough place to be!

[NonAverageJoe]

At first my roommate went with me but one of the bags was her stuff and then there was stuff I forgot. I went back... We talked and she's sleeping next to me. No sex but we talked a lot. She's wrapped up in herself but being self aware... .I'm really out of it right now and what little self respect I have is teetering.

I kept insulting her and we cried then we hugged and then we kept cuddling, she asked me about my dates... .

I'm mixed up right now and she's lying next to me.

There is another guys razor in the bathroom and I'm in bed with her.

If I wanted her back I could have her... .

[CloseToFreedom]

At first my roommate went with me but one of the bags was her stuff and then there was stuff I forgot. I went back... We talked and she's sleeping next to me. No sex but we talked a lot. She's wrapped up in herself but being self aware... .I'm really out of it right now and what little self respect I have is teetering.

I kept insulting her and we cried then we hugged and then we kept cuddling, she asked me about my dates... .

I'm mixed up right now and she's lying next to me.

There is another guys razor in the bathroom and I'm in bed with her.

If I wanted her back I could have her... .

I could say NOO Don't do it! But then again I would be a hypocrite. I've took her back 10 times. And I don't know what I would do if I had another chance.

What I can tell you is that each break up will give you a worse feeling. So you're making it harder on yourself.

[NonAverageJoe]

She said she wants to move on but that we can't get back together because I don't want to but she asked me if I wanted her to beg for me back. She kept telling me to go but didn't mean it.

I'm not blameless for this. I'm actually still in shock.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

At first my roommate went with me but one of the bags was her stuff and then there was stuff I forgot. I went back... We talked and she's sleeping next to me. No sex but we talked a lot. She's wrapped up in herself but being self aware... .I'm really out of it right now and what little self respect I have is teetering.

I kept insulting her and we cried then we hugged and then we kept cuddling, she asked me about my dates... .

I'm mixed up right now and she's lying next to me.

There is another guys razor in the bathroom and I'm in bed with her.

If I wanted her back I could have her... .

Sorry to hear that Joe.  In her mind she now has you back in her toy box.  You need to reset your NC day count to 0 and start again - I suspect you know this anyway.

[NonAverageJoe]

When I asked her if she wanted me to go or stay she said I could go whatever I wanted and it was up to me.

It was halfway between not caring but wanting me to choose to stay... .

She showed empathy, said she was sorry but still made some excuses.

I'm tempted to try and get sex and then go silent... .

[NonAverageJoe]

I don't even know if she's BPD or just young and stupid. She definitely has the tendencies and has expressed all of the traits at one time or another. I'm so conflicted right now.

[NonAverageJoe]

She owned up to emotionally cheating and more. We actually had an adult conversation.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

Thing is you are now in a triangle. I won't accept triangles.  :)o you really think she will leave your replacement to get you back?  I suspect she is using you to get him back.

[NonAverageJoe]

She claims that he wants to be with her but they're not committed but she loves the attention. I don't know why I stayed. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. She said a lot of really valid stuff.

I'm not believing everything but I held her and she comforted me when I cried. I kept regaining control and she kept saying what's the point of this conversation we're not together... You don't want me back.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

I kept regaining control and she kept saying what's the point of this conversation we're not together... You don't want me back.

That is a fact and followed, I suspect, by a projection.  Maybe I am just cynical, I don't know.  I think you need to get away and clear your head.

[NonAverageJoe]

She couldn't turn me away and it's like she kept hinting that she wanted me to say I might give her a chance.

[Infared]

She claims that he wants to be with her but they're not committed but she loves the attention. I don't know why I stayed. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. She said a lot of really valid stuff.

I'm not believing everything but I held her and she comforted me when I cried. I kept regaining control and she kept saying what's the point of this conversation we're not together... You don't want me back.

Sounds like she is just trying to set the hook deeper in such a way that she takes no responsibility for it and can blame it on you later. Also, if someone's razor is there, she she did more than emotionally cheat on you. Sounds like your self esteem is taking a huge hit... .but this is how we learn.

[NonAverageJoe]

Oh I know she did more than emotionally cheat. I was fighting the fog the whole time but rambling off my observations.

I went through her phone while she slept and then confronted her about it, told her I told people about her lies and more.

I'll post about it later. I'm home. I'm ok and I don't feel any sadness. To an analyzer like myself I got all the answers I could ever want. She is definitely BPD she told some wild lies and she had triangles upon triangles going on.

I gave her a piece of my mind calmly. This was a better end. Her eyes went dead at one point as I picked apart lie after lie.