17yo on training trip with swim team in another state calling in crisis

[Cnm]

Not yet diagnosed. It's clear to me that he has BPD. He is texting me at 11pm while his team sleeps and says he wants to quit swimming but feels trapped and hates himself and can't find any hope for a happy future. He has three more days of training. We are in VA and he is in FL. I don't know what to do. He says he doesn't want to be picked up but also says he can't go on. He doesn't want his team to know he's sick. We have had him in therapy for a year and just started with another therapist two weeks ago. He knows he is sick but we are in the beginning of understanding that this isn't depression and anxiety but BPD. I have no skills for this.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[NorthernGirl]

Hello Cnm and 

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. It must be difficult to have him in crisis at a distance and not be there to help. None of us are born with skills to deal with this, so know that you are not alone.

Do you think there's a possibility he will harm himself? Can you reach his therapist and talk over options? Is there a possibility he could he talk with his therapist on the phone?

If there's a chance he could harm himself, you may want to talk with his coach to ensure someone is in contact with him.

[Kwamina]

Hi Cnm

I would like to join NorthernGirl in welcoming you here. You are convinced your son has BPD and also mention that he has been in therapy for a year. What kind of therapy is he getting and do his therapists share your suspicions of him having BPD? Why did he start with a new therapist two weeks ago?

Getting a text like this at 11 PM isn't pleasant at all. Has your son ever made such statements before indicating he can't find any hope for the future? Your son says he wants to quit swimming but feels trapped. Has he said why he feels trapped? Do you know if he feels pressured by anyone to keep swimming?

I understand why you would feel like you don't have the skills to handle this (yet). Like NorthernGirl rightly pointed out, none of us are born with the knowledge and skills to deal with this challenging disorder. We gotta learn this as we go along. You might benefit from taking a look at the lessons for parents of a child with BPD: LESSONS: What can a parent do?

Take care

[lever.]

Hello Cnm

I would like to join in welcoming you. How difficult to get a late night call like that from a distance. All I can suggest immediately is to keep talking to him on the phone listening and validating his feelings. If you become severely concerned for his safety I think you would have to speak to a senior coach-but only if you are desperately worried.

In the longer term I hope that you will join us on the parenting board (L5). To one side are a series of tools to help communication-which it may actually be helpful for you to read through now.

There are other parents who will have been in similar situations (eg when their kids have been in college). The parents board is a very supportive and welcoming place.