ExBPDgf rings on Xmas eve and texts Xmas day

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

So it's been 7 weeks since since the split from my BPDgf and 7 weeks she has been with my replacement .

During this time she has lost every single one of her freinds also these freinds were my replacements loyal best freinds and she has isolated him and turned them all against him .

I got the usual hate texts and the please don't contact again calls shortly after the split .

I stayed NC for a couple of weeks and LC for a couple of weeks after and got ignored anyway.

Out of the blue Xmas eve she rang me sounded upset I asked her how she was and she said she has fallen out with everyone and she thought people were talking about her behind her back to me (the freinds she has fallen out with) I explained this was not the case . She then said this (I'm sorry it got to this stage I never wanted things to be like this between us ) I said I didn't either . Her next statement conffused me more she (I unblocked you on my mobile and you send me texts regarding other things ! . (She was referring to the sky tv that's in my name and cancelling it or transferring to her name as its in her house ) why even mention this ? She has me unblocked still to this very day .

She then started to cry a little and said il be deleting your number as from today . I think she was trying to get a reaction ? I said ok prob for the best anyway as I don't want to get in the way of your new relationship (with my replacement) I then got a stern ( YOU WONT!) she then said have a nice Christmas again sounded upset as we had planned lots for this year . She then started crying to the point she had to hang up ! Said our good byes and she went .


I was conffused by this so I sent her a text Xmas day asking if she was ok and why she rang me the day before all upset ? 5 hours later got a text back saying ( cant talk at the moment head is a mess ! ) I found out yesturday that the police were called to her house Xmas eve as I'm freinds with her next door neighbour on FB she thinks that my ex and replacement were arguing .

I sent her one last text the day after Boxing Day asking for her details to transfer the sky tv in her name . I had canceled it as she was ignoring my texts to do this as I didn't want it hanging over me now that we had split up . I got a text instantly saying ( yes sorry here are my details thanks ) so within 2/3 days she had gone from being upset to texting me her details like nothing had happened . So I went online the same day and made the transfer . I text her saying (it's done the tv contract is in your name and also the next payment will be taken from your account on the 12th ) got no reply.

ive not heard from her since to say I'm confused is an understatement ! I'm still trying to make sense of this ?

[Splitblack4good]

So it's been 7 weeks since since the split from my BPDgf and 7 weeks she has been with my replacement .

During this time she has lost every single one of her freinds also these freinds were my replacements loyal best freinds and she has isolated him and turned them all against him .

I got the usual hate texts and the please don't contact again calls shortly after the split .

I stayed NC for a couple of weeks and LC for a couple of weeks after and got ignored anyway.

Out of the blue Xmas eve she rang me sounded upset I asked her how she was and she said she has fallen out with everyone and she thought people were talking about her behind her back to me (the freinds she has fallen out with) I explained this was not the case . She then said this (I'm sorry it got to this stage I never wanted things to be like this between us ) I said I didn't either . Her next statement conffused me more she (I unblocked you on my mobile and you send me texts regarding other things ! . (She was referring to the sky tv that's in my name and cancelling it or transferring to her name as its in her house ) why even mention this ? She has me unblocked still to this very day .

She then started to cry a little and said il be deleting your number as from today . I think she was trying to get a reaction ? I said ok prob for the best anyway as I don't want to get in the way of your new relationship (with my replacement) I then got a stern ( YOU WONT!) she then said have a nice Christmas again sounded upset as we had planned lots for this year . She then started crying to the point she had to hang up ! Said our good byes and she went .


I was conffused by this so I sent her a text Xmas day asking if she was ok and why she rang me the day before all upset ? 5 hours later got a text back saying ( cant talk at the moment head is a mess ! ) I found out yesturday that the police were called to her house Xmas eve as I'm freinds with her next door neighbour on FB she thinks that my ex and replacement were arguing .

I sent her one last text the day after Boxing Day asking for her details to transfer the sky tv in her name . I had canceled it as she was ignoring my texts to do this as I didn't want it hanging over me now that we had split up . I got a text instantly saying ( yes sorry here are my details thanks ) so within 2/3 days she had gone from being upset to texting me her details like nothing had happened . So I went online the same day and made the transfer . I text her saying (it's done the tv contract is in your name and also the next payment will be taken from your account on the 12th ) got no reply.

ive not heard from her since to say I'm confused is an understatement ! I'm still trying to make sense of this ?

[downwhim]

Difficult to make sense of a lot that they do. She was in a fight with replacement and she thought by contacting you she would get the peace she needed but not. I am sure it created more conflict in her mind as you stayed pretty neutral and fixed her original problem.

Was she trying to triangulate? Maybe someone on this board with more knowledge than I can answer that.

She sounds a mess... you should find that somewhat easier I think as you detach. I know I would. Not that I wish my ex bad just some of the pain he caused me to be able to feel himself.

[Splitblack4good]

Difficult to make sense of a lot that they do. She was in a fight with replacement and she thought by contacting you she would get the peace she needed but not. I am sure it created more conflict in her mind as you stayed pretty neutral and fixed her original problem.

Was she trying to triangulate? Maybe someone on this board with more knowledge than I can answer that.

She sounds a mess... you should find that somewhat easier I think as you detach. I know I would. Not that I wish my ex bad just some of the pain he caused me to be able to feel himself.

She said her head was a mess Xmas day but then 2 days later she seems fine and text over the details Id been asking for the last 2 weeks without hesitation ! So strange the thing is she made that call Xmas eve before she had the argument with my replacement so your guess is as good as mine ? What was she expecting me to say to her ?

[Splitblack4good]

It was hard talking to her I'm not fully detached and I think she knows that but by texting the details over instantly seems like she is fully detached from me now that was the last thing and reason for us to stay in contact hence that's why she kept putting it off . But this time I asked her for them and instantly text them over that shows me she has fully detached as far as I'm concerned and the fact she said she's gona delete my number ! Things must be goin well with my replacement since Boxing Day is my only guess and 100% confidant about her relaitionship .

[downwhim]

After we have been away from them for awhile we forget about the mood swings. One day great, the next misery. Imagine being the replacement, especially at Christmas when emotions are high.

N/C for me is the only way I have stayed half way sane. So much we do not see when we are actually not there with them and connected to the craziness of the moment. I am sure all is not going that great but when they appear so up one day we take that as they are so happy.  Remember she has BPD and the illness always gets the best of them.

[downwhim]

I don't think you can fully detach when in contact. I know you miss her and worry that she will cut you off and hurt you more. The chances of that are great as long as you keep trying while she is out of a relationship with you and has a replacement. It is painful stuff. They keep us hooked and we get to guess.

[Splitblack4good]

After we have been away from them for awhile we forget about the mood swings. One day great, the next misery. Imagine being the replacement, especially at Christmas when emotions are high.

N/C for me is the only way I have stayed half way sane. So much we do not see when we are actually not there with them and connected to the craziness of the moment. I am sure all is not going that great but when they appear so up one day we take that as they are so happy.  Remember she has BPD and the illness always gets the best of them.

Yes you may be right here Xmas eve she knew we were going to be spending Xmas together so emotions got the better of her and again on Xmas day but then soon as it was over she's forgotten about it ? I'm staying NC now I don't think she would of deleted my number just in case maybe she said that to make me beleive she has so I chase her hence that's she has left my number unblocked but I'm staying NC now so we will see if she ever contacts me again I don't think she will she has cut the last tie she had to me .

[BorisAcusio]

Nothing good will come out of this.

My ex texted or called every 1,5 months for over 7 months. It was her meltdown cycle caused by external events: things went wrong with replacement, hospitalization of her starving PD mother, being fired, the usual holiday meltdowns, being fired again.

These contacts are made out NEED. She needed soothing from the currently AVAILABLE narcissistic supply with  no concern about your or your feelings, needs.  

[Splitblack4good]

Nothing good will come out of this.

My ex texted or called every 1,5 months for over 7 months. It was her meltdown cycle caused by external events: things went wrong with replacement, hospitalization of her starving PD mother, being fired, the usual holiday meltdowns, being fired again.

These contacts are made out NEED. She needed soothing from the currently AVAILABLE narcissistic supply with  no concern about your or your feelings, needs.  

So what your saying here is she range to let out her emotions on me ? No other reason ? Like I said she has cut all ties connecting us now so I think I'm pretty safe I won't hear from her again .that said tho what did she mean by saying (I didn't want it to be like this between us) ?

[BorisAcusio]

Nothing good will come out of this.

My ex texted or called every 1,5 months for over 7 months. It was her meltdown cycle caused by external events: things went wrong with replacement, hospitalization of her starving PD mother, being fired, the usual holiday meltdowns, being fired again.

These contacts are made out NEED. She needed soothing from the currently AVAILABLE narcissistic supply with  no concern about your or your feelings, needs.  

So what your saying here is she range to let out her emotions on me ? No other reason ? Like I said she has cut all ties connecting us now so I think I'm pretty safe I won't hear from her again .that said tho what did she mean by saying (I didn't want it to be like this between us) ?

It know, it's painful to hear but most likely no other reason.

Borderlines are not able to self sooth. They use other people to serve a self-regulating, soothing function, to be used as the toddler uses a teddy bear, in primitive, demanding ways.


For most of them, and even for us("nons", codependents and other PDs alike) holidays are always triggering.