Did u think your exBPD gf would have ever cheated on you?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Just curious to know if any of you thought your exBPD gf would have ever cheated on you?  With mine, It never crossed my mind that she would betray me in such a manner.  Her words reinforced her loyal to me on almost a daily basis.

[peace28]

Just curious to know if any of you thought your exBPD gf would have ever cheated on you?  With mine, It never crossed my mind that she would betray me in such a manner.  Her words reinforced her loyal to me on almost a daily basis.

[Tim300]

I didn't think she would.  Now, I have no idea how much cheating took place.  Almost nothing would shock me at this point.   

[fred6]

Nope. The way she talked about cheaters and how she had been cheated on, I would have never thought that she would have done what she did. Guess I'm the sucker... .

[hergestridge]

It came as a complete shock after 17 years.

It was also beyond what I could tolerate, which changed our relationship dymanic for good. This in turn made put so much pressure on my exwife that she came in touch with psychiatry and got a serious evaluation and diagnosis for the first time.

Basically, I would put up with anything but THAT and she crossed the line.

[clydegriffith]

Initially, because all of the love bombing i didn't think so. That perception changed very quickly once i saw what she was really like. To say she cheated on me is an understatement, she was pretty much running a one woman ___ house from my house with my child and her other kids in the adjacent rooms.

[paperlung]

Never. When I met my ex, she was basically a hermit. Just stayed in her bedroom most of the time unless I were to come by and take her out. She had zero friends and wasn't going to school. Didn't have a job either. She kept in touch with a couple of her ex-boyfriends, but I was never concerned. I really did trust her. But then... .

She wanted to try cam modeling, and became internet friends with one of her regular viewers. A 40-year-old man from England who was twice her age. Keep in mind we live Canada, meaning the distance was quite substantial, and he wasn't much to look at either, so I didn't care. Month by month she got more attached to him. Eventually she asked me if she could meet him, like have him come visit, and I said no. Not to long after that, I find evidence on Skype of a real emotional/sexual affair and then break things off with her. I was devested, in pieces. I never thought in a million years she would do me like that... .especially with HIM of all people.

[paperlung]

double post

[Trog]

Nope. I don't think (though right now I wouldn't put any money on it) that she did during our short marriage. The minute things got rocky, before or after I left her, she was on dating sites. I know she slept with other people very quickly after I left her, whilst at the same time saying she wanted to reconcile. Technically, I don't know if we can call that cheating (and if she can get out of the label technically she will), but it was emotionally dishonest, that surprised me of her. I thought more of her than that, at least on the level of fidelity. I'm still a bit shocked she could do it, it's really not who I thought she was. For all her crazy other crap, I thought at least she had that, ... .Oh well, more nails for the coffin

[eyvindr]

No, and my ex GF didn't cheat on me. I trusted her in that area.

And I don't think she would have -- but I have to say that I do think continued long-term fidelity would have been conditional upon her receiving enough of what she needed from me and our relationship, over time. Time would be the deciding factor, I think. I think that if our r-ship didn't proceed to marriage, on her timeline (which we were already well past -- she thought 6 mos was sufficient time to make that decision), she eventually would have found a replacement and chosen to move on. Which, in itself, isn't really BPD behavior exclusively. Though I still believe that, before anyone chooses to pursue a new relationship, they should end the one they're in.

While she never cheated on me during our relationship, when we'd argue, there were times when she'd get angry with me for not simply agreeing to something she wanted that I thought was unreasonable (like, you have to invite me to everything you plan to do with other people, regardless of whether or not you already know that I can't attend, or wouldn't be interested, you can't have any female friends, etc.), and she'd use hypothetical triangulation to manipulate me. Things like, "Well, if you're not willing to spend more time with me during the week, I'll start spending time with other people!" Every time she tried that, I'd imply that I thought it was completely reasonable -- if she felt like adult company and I wasn't available, call a friend. Sure. Why not? But, to her, any company always implied some kind of romantic shenanigans -- that was the underlying implication -- that if I didn't care enough about her, she'd get attention from someone else. Basically, trying to make me insecure -- which is mean at best, and abusive at worst.

I'm proud of the way I handled that one, actually. Every time it came up, I told her to do what she wanted to do. When her initial strategy failed to have the desired effect (total compliance with her demands), she'd escalate immediately to hypotheticals --

X: "So, let me get this right, because I want to make sure that I completely understand you. Are you telling me that you would be "ok" with me spending time with my single male friends?"

Me: "Sure -- if they're only friends. Why not? I trust you. I don't have anything to worry about."

X: "Wow. Just wow. I don't know what to say."

And I believe that she really didn't know what to say at that point. As a former therapist said to me when I told him that story -- "you let her know that you weren't going to be part of that circus, and that shocked her."

[FrenchConnection]

Mine always told me she belonged to me and told me repeatedly that i was the love of her life.  She gave me the sense that i was the only man in the world.

I am pretty sure she never cheated on me during our relationship of 7 months.  We lived 3 hours apart but we talked every night on the phone when we did not see each other.

However, she was quick to be on a dating site after our first breakup.  She was on the site within minutes after the breakup (she admitted to me).  Honestly, i do not think she cheated on me.  But i have to confess she did possess behavior that was strange at times.  She also always had to tell me guys were hitting on her or asking her out.  Everywhere she went there was always a guy "paying attention" to her.  She is a very beautiful woman so i guess that is normal.  I don't think she ever cheated.  I don't believe all pwBPD are like that.

[Popcorn71]

It was the last thing I expected of my xBPDh.  I knew he was capable of some very nasty behaviour but I never thought he'd cheat.  He was so hurt that his ex wife had left him for another man and he knew my ex husband had cheated on me, so he swore he could never do that because he knew the pain it caused.  He hated cheaters.  But he did say some things that I overlooked at the time, but I think he was trying to tell me that he had cheated on his first wife.  I believe he was only upset by the 2nd wife cheating on him because she beat him to it!

[bunnyrabit]

If it's a pattern to break up, sleep with other guys then come back to reconcile, it's cheating. They know damn well that this hurts us just the same, they're not stupid.

Near the end of our latest recycle she would 'break up' every other day to go see her other guy and then come back the same day she slept with him  

I can't believe I didn't send her walking THE VERY FIRST TIME this happened, it's still something I struggle with, I feel very uncomfortable with it... .But what's done is done I guess.

She swears she never cheated on me while we were together and she's honest or at least partially about the other times so it would make no sense to lie about that. But then what does make sense about what she says and does, not much... .So do I believe her? Nah not really

[eyvindr]

Geez, clyde -- that's awful. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. You and your kids are better off without her. Sorry, man.

Initially, because all of the love bombing i didn't think so. That perception changed very quickly once i saw what she was really like. To say she cheated on me is an understatement, she was pretty much running a one woman ___ house from my house with my child and her other kids in the adjacent rooms.

[Trog]

Yes, the 'I was at a party and this guy asked me to sleep with him'. I find that behaviour really weird, again, it only came after I left her and she moved out and she was trying to reconcile.

It doesn't encourage me to take her back, it makes me nervous she's a hoe (sorry) and less likely to take her back. Not sure she got what motivated me.

[Tim300]

I don't believe all pwBPD are like that.

I agree with this somewhat.  Mine did seem to have an emotional affair throughout our 2.5 year relationship, with a guy who she doesn't respect very much.  She did throw his name around a few times just to abuse me when I guess she felt like I had the upper hand in the relationship.  She probably had a couple physical transgressions with a couple different guys while I wasn't looking.  In the final few weeks I believe she was actively looking for a replacement and may have engaged in full-blown cheating.  However, during almost all of the relationship we hung out every weekend (all weekend) and spoke on the phone every weeknight.  I don't think she really ran rampant with cheating until the final weeks (which, unfortunately, is when it hurts the most).  Oh, and one of the guys she was texting at the end was a friend of mine (now ex-friend), and she hung out with him after we broke up.

So, I guess I would say that she's a cheater, but I don't think the cheating was as rampant as I read about on some of these forums.  In fairness, maybe everyone (BPD and Nons) flirts a little with attractive members of the opposite sex when nobody is looking. 

[hergestridge]

 She also always had to tell me guys were hitting on her or asking her out.  Everywhere she went there was always a guy "paying attention" to her.  She is a very beautiful woman so i guess that is normal.  I don't think she ever cheated.  I don't believe all pwBPD are like that.

My exwife was not especially beautiful to be honest, still there was always someone "paying attention" to her. Or at least she was very receptive to it, and eager to let me know.

Something very telling of the BPD mentality is that my exwife was very committed to being faithful, but after she had been cheating on me I asked her is what she really thought and it turned out she was open to swinging and would like me to sleep with other women and wouldn't mind sleeping with other men herself. She didn't think being sexually faithful was a big deal at all. She said it was just something she thought she was supposed to believe.

It is just one big revision of history.

[Heartbroken Eagle]

I must confess that my ex was the last person on this planet I would have thought would have cheated on me after 12 years together. To go on and Internet dating site and to meet some lowlife/lowlives, I did'nt see that coming... .

Especially as she was a born again christian!

[eyvindr]

As I've said above, I trusted my ex, and don't believe that she ever cheated on me while we were together. But, that's according to my definition. I do know she maintained some email/social media connections with male acquaintances -- which I'm comfortable with, but it's a double standard -- because if I did this, she labeled it as an "emotional affair." Such bs.

... .The minute things got rocky, before or after I left her, she was on dating sites. I know she slept with other people very quickly after I left her, whilst at the same time saying she wanted to reconcile. Technically, I don't know if we can call that cheating (and if she can get out of the label technically she will)... .

The two times I broke off our relationship before this last time, my ex created new dating profiles within weeks -- which I feel she was well within her rights to do because we were apart. I will say though that given the intensity of our relationship, and the amount of love we shared, I was pretty shocked and hurt that she could move on that quickly -- I certainly couldn't and didn't. She even went on some dates during these periods -- again, that's her right. What wasn't cool was the double standard. Because she could spend time with people, and for her it would be nothing more than a "friendly dinner," or "coffee" or "a playdate with our kids." But, if I had legitimately platonic meetings with long-time female friends, they were "___s" and I was "screwing her replacement." The first time we broke up and I experienced being painted black by her, I was crushed -- I couldn't believe it, didn't understand it, was scared by it and really emotionally devastated. I shouldn't have taken her back, but she talked it all away. The second time we broke up, I was prepared for it -- past behavior really is a terrific predictor of future behavior -- and, as predicted, the splitting commenced. What stood out to me the second time was how eerily similar it was to what happened a year before -- her rants, taking the form of hundreds of voicemails and emails, and thousands of txt msgs, often included the same wording and phrasing, the same baseless accusations -- that I was a liar, a cheater, had a mental disorder, intentionally misled her, only wanted her for sex, should she get tested for STDs, etc. -- awful, hateful crap. Very much like she'd pulled a tape out of storage -- "let's see... .time to play that Victim! CD again" -- popped it into her brain, turned up the volume, and blasted it for all to hear.

Never. When I met my ex, she was basically a hermit. Just stayed in her bedroom most of the time unless I were to come by and take her out. She had zero friends and wasn't going to school. Didn't have a job either. She kept in touch with a couple of her ex-boyfriends, but I was never concerned. I really did trust her.

My ex was very similar. She had lots of acquaintances, from what I could discern -- primarily people she worked with. But she spent very little actual face-time with any of them. Mainly, she filled her time with distractions -- shopping, working out, reading, writing -- but, now that I know her, I would imagine she spent a good bit of time online, looking for a mate. I know she frequented dating sites -- that's how we met.

She wanted to try cam modeling, and became internet friends with one of her regular viewers. A 40-year-old man from England who was twice her age. Keep in mind we live Canada, meaning the distance was quite substantial, and he wasn't much to look at either, so I didn't care. Month by month she got more attached to him. Eventually she asked me if she could meet him, like have him come visit, and I said no. Not to long after that, I find evidence on Skype of a real emotional/sexual affair and then break things off with her. I was devastated, in pieces. I never thought in a million years she would do me like that... .especially with HIM of all people.

How bizarre, paperlung. My ex never went that far, but her behaviors during our separation periods did give me pause. When we met, she'd just started attending occasional events at a sex club in the area, with some friends of hers who I guess were swingers. She said nothing ever happened, but she did mislead me about the nature of the place, indicating that it was just a laid-back, upscale club for sexy adults when, in reality, the club markets itself definitely as a place for acting out fantasies. She used to try to get me to take her, but I always had a bad feeling about it, given how jealous she was of all of my relationships with anyone other than her, including my mail friends -- let's not even get started on my platonic female friends! ALL of them were, b/c I was in a relationship with her -- which she never got. Even if she pretty much accepted that a friendship could be platonic, she'd ask, "But what if she starts to, you know, like you? That could happen." She wasn't able to understand how, if you're committed to someone, it really doesn't matter if someone else comes on to you -- because you're not interested! (I think this stems from pwBPD struggling with self-directed behavior. They're so wired to behave in ways that make other people see them as idealized that the idea of turning away someone who is providing interest and attention is really confusing to them. Particularly if they have a narc streak -- they're addicted to this stream of attention. And, if it's sexually charged attention, it's very potent.)

Anyway -- I never took her to the club. She tried many times to get me to take her to strip clubs, which I also refused to do. She told me on a couple occasions that she had an exhibitionist side -- which I saw in her need for attention. She definitely "dressed up" for me -- always trying to become some image that she had in her brain of what she thought I was looking for (don't bother to ask me, though). ( We dated for over a year before I ever saw her wear a pair of jeans -- and I never saw her in shorts, ever!) She was unhappy with her job, and was always trying to think of new ways to earn a living -- one that often came up was to be a phone sex girl. Honestly, I don't know if she was just saying these things for effect or to get a rise out of me -- but it was awkward and a little creepy. And certainly nothing I'd ever be able to get away with, if the stiletto were on the other foot!

Mine always told me she belonged to me and told me repeatedly that i was the love of her life.  She gave me the sense that i was the only man in the world.

I am pretty sure she never cheated on me during our relationship of 7 months.  We lived 3 hours apart but we talked every night on the phone when we did not see each other.

Same here, French -- I was the only man that she was interested in, she couldn't imagine being with or wanting anyone else, from the minute she'd met me, she knew I was the one and felt an overwhelming sexual attraction, blah blah blah. She went as far as to try to convince me that she'd never loved anyone else (she'd been married twice before) and she never enjoyed sex with guys before me. Which I never believed, and kind of felt insulted by -- the opposite effect from what she wanted, I'm sure. In one of the rare areas where she was consistent, though -- the thought of me with anyone else, including ex-gfs in the past totally freaked her out. Yet, during her splitting black campaigns, this same woman claimed that, when we started dating, she was only looking for friends, and I "tricked" her into having a relationship just to have sex with her! Of course, I guess I was supposed to have forgotten the other stuff that really happened! And she was posting online about one guy she hung out with a few times while we were apart, and how they had dinner and went to his apt once night "for some mutually agreed upon beforehand hanky panky, but nothing serious." Which, again, hurtful but fine -- we were split up. But she actually did that, admitted to it, posted it online -- yet I was some kind of heinous pervert if I so much as had dinner with a friend during that same time period. God.

However, she was quick to be on a dating site after our first breakup.  She was on the site within minutes after the breakup (she admitted to me).  Honestly, i do not think she cheated on me.  But i have to confess she did possess behavior that was strange at times.  She also always had to tell me guys were hitting on her or asking her out.  Everywhere she went there was always a guy "paying attention" to her.  She is a very beautiful woman so i guess that is normal.  I don't think she ever cheated.  I don't believe all pwBPD are like that.

Yep. Again, very similar with my ex. She'd cut all her hair off when she was mad at me, purely out of spite -- because she knew how much attractive I thought she was with long hair (and I get it -- it's her hair, get over it, Ev, it'll grow back) -- but she knew it would upset me and knew it's bad form to be critical of your woman's appearance, but she'd show up and immediately start in -- "Oh, honey, I know you probably hate my hair. But I just couldn't take it anymore. But what do you think? It doesn't look bad, does it? Lots of people told me they loved it today! Especially the guys at ______, for some reason... ." Triangulate, triangulate, triangulate. The implication? -- You better start upping your game and giving me all that sweet attention that you owe me because if you don't start putting out I just might go somewhere else... . 

Evy don't play that game.

[nowwhatz]

No. If nothing else while in the r/s (whether it be a 1 day, 1 week, 1 month or 1 year r/s) she would not cheat.  She was victimized by 2 ex husbands who cheated on her badly.

Although I have never cheated on any gf or wife I believe had I married this BPDgf or stay in a permanent r/s with her I probably would have cheated on her to escape her negativity and ultimately her.

This is a radical change to my value system but I feel like I would have cheated to survive.

[eyvindr]

I'm glad you weren't cheated on, nowwhatz -- it's a terrible thing to deal with. (My ex wife and my ex fiancee both cheated on me, and the betrayal is awful.)

No. If nothing else while in the r/s (whether it be a 1 day, 1 week, 1 month or 1 year r/s) she would not cheat.  She was victimized by 2 ex husbands who cheated on her badly.

Although I have never cheated on any gf or wife I believe had I married this BPDgf or stay in a permanent r/s with her I probably would have cheated on her to escape her negativity and ultimately her.

This is a radical change to my value system but I feel like I would have cheated to survive.

That last line there -- that's something to meditate on. It was one of the reasons I finally decided to leave my ex -- feeling like the pressures of trying to sustain a relationship were turning me into someone I didn't want to be. I'd become increasingly impatient with the double standards, the demands, the accusations, constantly being treated in ways that made me feel like a failure as a partner and a jackass as a person -- neither of which is accurate, nor how I or anyone else in my life (friends, family, colleagues) sees me. Arguments escalated quickly, and little repeatedly annoying things that I used to be able to blow off earlier in our relationship now immediately irritated me. Sick of all the demands, I began making some of my own. Exhausted by the mistreatment, I stopped trying myself. It was all just spiraling -- yet she refused to accept that we should consider breaking up. For whatever reason, to her, continual conflict, negativity and bickering were something you lived with if you loved your partner. And according to her, all or most of the negativity could be eliminated if I would just lighten up and stop sweating the small stuff. In other words -- just accept her as she is and celebrate her wacky approach to life, regardless of whether or not it worked for me. Because that's what you do when you love someone, she'd lecture -- and that was what she was doing with me, she'd tell me.

We shouldn't need to change who we are to have a good relationship, let alone turn into someone we don't want to be.

[fred6]

As I've said above, I trusted my ex, and don't believe that she ever cheated on me while we were together. But, that's according to my definition. I do know she maintained some email/social media connections with male acquaintances -- which I'm comfortable with, but it's a double standard -- because if I did this, she labeled it as an "emotional affair." Such bs.

The day before I moved in with my ex I had a talk with her and told her that since I was giving up my apartment and all of my furniture, that she needed to be sure that she wanted me to move in with her and that she just won't get tired of me one day and kick me out abruptly.

She said, "As long as you don't cheat on me, abuse me, of hurt my kids. You don't have anything to worry about. And cheating isn't just sex, it also means emotional talking with other women too".

It's ironic that she's the one that turned out to be physically and emotionally cheating on me. I'm doing so much better everyday going forward. But sometimes thinking and typing this stuff makes me want to puke on myself. I literally can't believe some of this stuff really happened. Sometimes I actually still think to myself, "What the heck happened?"

[borderpatrol]

Just curious to know if any of you thought your exBPD gf would have ever cheated on you?  With mine, It never crossed my mind that she would betray me in such a manner.  Her words reinforced her loyal to me on almost a daily basis.

Has my relationship progressed and I figured out the amount of alcohol and Xanax abuse, and the mixing of the two that was going on, I felt I could not trust her if she was left alone. She was a very beautiful and seductive woman, who loved attention and knew how to get it. She used it to manipulate me to no end. Deep down I don't think that sober she would cheat, but while self harming with substance abuse and her looks, she could easily end up in a cheating situation. She always claimed not to be, but who knows... .telling half truths and twisting was second nature to her!

[bunnyrabit]

It's ironic that she's the one that turned out to be physically and emotionally cheating on me. I'm doing so much better everyday going forward. But sometimes thinking and typing this stuff makes me want to puke on myself. I literally can't believe some of this stuff really happened. Sometimes I actually still think to myself, "What the heck happened?"

It really does your head in doesn't it? Mine used to go on and on how all all her boyfriends had cheated on her, how horrible it all was, tears and all. I also had the endure endless rages over my supposed cheating that she had gotten in her head out of the blue. Needless to say, I hadn't so much as smiled at another woman ever since I know her. And now fast forward a few years, the grand finale, being conditioned by her into accepting her entertaining multiple boyfriends at once, being humiliated, abused, omfg!  The last recycle, it truly felt at times I was having a really messed up dream and had to wake up any moment, unreal... .

[Heartbroken Eagle]

The funny thing is, I recall during the early days of our relationship with my ex, she was jealous of me for speaking and looking at my friends wife at a party as if I fancied her, and brought this up in an argument the following day.

This was absolute nonsense of course, but I was always wary for the rest of our time together of looking or speaking to another woman, especially the ones she did not know. I always felt that she never really trusted me but with no justification for being this way.

I guess this was another red flag which I ignored!

[ADecadeLost]

Just curious to know if any of you thought your exBPD gf would have ever cheated on you?

No, and I don't believe she ever did.  For one, she did not keep in close contact with her exes the way many have mentioned their BPD exes did.  All were painted black and of no interest to her.  Just "horrible men" who "wronged her" in one way or another.  Beyond that, she was pretty scarred by her father's constant cheating on her mother (including his poorly kept secret that he had an illegitimate child in another country).  

[Turkish]

Just curious to know if any of you thought your exBPD gf would have ever cheated on you?

No, and I don't believe she ever did.  For one, she did not keep in close contact with her exes the way many have mentioned their BPD exes did.  All were painted black and of no interest to her.  Just "horrible men" who "wronged her" in one way or another.  Beyond that, she was pretty scarred by her father's constant cheating on her mother (including his poorly kept secret that he had an illegitimate child in another country).  

Mine was, too--- and this shows that underneath BPD, they are all individuals so it's not good to fall into black and white thinking about the disorder.

It was yet another "kept woman" that they all found out about in the winter of 2012 where she really started a months long slide into dissociation. My reactions didn't help, of course. It took me months after she left to look back and go "a-ha!" especially given she started openly rebelling against her mother... .which I think was resentment about her mom not finally leaving this time. All of the kids wanted their mom to leave him finally. So after years of her telling me how I would be the one to cheat, she did. She actually admitted during one weekend break between the dissociation that she had become like her father.

It wasn't transference of her mother's pain, which I would have thought might have at least been something she showed empathy over: "Look how hurt my mom and all of the kids are. I'd never do something like that!" Yet she did months later (again, I'll admit that me being avoidant didn't help... .I think she actually wanted me to confront the guy like her mom did the woman).

[Mr Hollande]

And cheating isn't just sex, it also means emotional talking with other women too".

That comment is something that a year ago I would have reacted to with a "hmm that's a bit strange but of course she has nothing to worry about. I love her and I'll take care of her and be there for her. I won't mess this up.". Had I heard the same thing now, from anyone, I would never stop running. 

[eyvindr]

fred6 --

Glad to hear that you're doing better. And this --

... .I literally can't believe some of this stuff really happened. Sometimes I actually still think to myself, "What the heck happened?"

-- is a completely normal response. Hang in there.

Heartbroken Eagle -- wow:

The funny thing is, I recall during the early days of our relationship with my ex, she was jealous of me for speaking and looking at my friends wife at a party as if I fancied her, and brought this up in an argument the following day.

This was absolute nonsense of course, but I was always wary for the rest of our time together of looking or speaking to another woman, especially the ones she did not know. I always felt that she never really trusted me but with no justification for being this way.

I guess this was another red flag which I ignored!

Here's an excerpt from an email she sent me about three months into our r-ship:

Awww, thanks! (-: I am enjoying our adventures, too. They do make for a very fun weekend. I enjoy the same things you do, and don't worry, I would speak up if I didn't ... .You are a fun person to spend time with -- I even enjoyed going to Walmart with you.

So, when did you "wake up" to physical attraction? Was it when you were forty like you mentioned, or earlier? Women definitely are beautiful and hot to look at (but YOU are *way* hotter for me to look at, anytime!). I think it is only natural to want to look and visually enjoy what you see.

I think couples can get really dysfunctional because they try to repress the natural instinct to look at other people, and then it becomes underground, furtive, and secretive, which = toxic. I truly believe secret desires are toxic.

The whole time people are together, you know guys are secretly checking out other women. It's just part of being human. To me, it's very refreshing that I can talk openly about these things with you. I guess what I am saying is, feel free to look at and visually enjoy all the hot women you see, because it does not bother me. In fact, you can even do it when we are out together (and I'll give you my opinion, LOL)... .it turns me on to see you be so honestly human. I think we should be able to be our authentic selves with each other.

But, after a few years -- when most people become more secure in their relationships -- that very tune was re-scored in a minor key and got completely new lyrics. Here's another bit of an email, from the same ex (of course), 2 years into the relationship -- she'd sent me an email and asked me what I was up to at the office, and I'd not had a chance to reply yet. Instead of waiting, she sent this:

Aha! I found the listing online. You brought in Edward Snowden. ;-)

Just kidding … probably it is some female friend of yours that you are worried I will be jealous of, so you think just not telling me is the safe way to go. Really, telling me is better. Thank you.

As I keep saying -- it can be exasperating to try to communicate with someone with this illness.

[ChadP]

She did say early on that she thought that people who cheated sucked, and mentioned something about cheating another time way out of left field. I assume she was cheating. She told me a co worked signed her up on tinder. (Eye roll)

[Splitblack4good]

Nope. The way she talked about cheaters and how she had been cheated on, I would have never thought that she would have done what she did. Guess I'm the sucker... .

Mine always said the same thing " I'd never cheat on you I know how that feels ive been cheated on so many times its heart breaking "

Once we split I found she cheated on me twice ! Once with an ex and once on a night out when I was baby sitting her kids ! Man I'm defiantly a sucker !