I failed at a boundary

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My wife and I both play music as a hobby and participate in 2 or 3 different ensembles together.  She recently told me she was starting up a new project and was hoping I would participate.  I knew it wouldn't take much extra time from my schedule but I really did NOT want to be a part of it.

Knowing this, I first did not say anything definitive to her, I told her I had concerns about my other priorities and wasn't sure I'd be saying yes.  I told her I would think about it.  This led to three days of her acting extremely hostile, withdrawn and hopeless.

I rationalized to myself that this project would indeed not take up much time or commitment, that she doesn't follow through on things very much so it might not even happen, and that I couldn't handle being around her constant negativity.  So I told her yes.

She is acting fine now, but I am extremely unhappy and disappointed with myself.  Once again she has learned that emotional manipulation works and I have not stayed true to myself.

I will probably stick with this plan should it ever proceed but I suppose when the time comes I could tell her my mind changed or my time got more busy.  I don't know, my word means a lot to me.

Really kicking myself right now.

[adventurer]

My wife and I both play music as a hobby and participate in 2 or 3 different ensembles together.  She recently told me she was starting up a new project and was hoping I would participate.  I knew it wouldn't take much extra time from my schedule but I really did NOT want to be a part of it.

Knowing this, I first did not say anything definitive to her, I told her I had concerns about my other priorities and wasn't sure I'd be saying yes.  I told her I would think about it.  This led to three days of her acting extremely hostile, withdrawn and hopeless.

I rationalized to myself that this project would indeed not take up much time or commitment, that she doesn't follow through on things very much so it might not even happen, and that I couldn't handle being around her constant negativity.  So I told her yes.

She is acting fine now, but I am extremely unhappy and disappointed with myself.  Once again she has learned that emotional manipulation works and I have not stayed true to myself.

I will probably stick with this plan should it ever proceed but I suppose when the time comes I could tell her my mind changed or my time got more busy.  I don't know, my word means a lot to me.

Really kicking myself right now.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey adventurer, Instead of regarding this episode as a failure, perhaps you could look at it as an opportunity to begin boundary work again, only this time more wisely?  LuckyJim

[adventurer]

Hey adventurer, Instead of regarding this episode as a failure, perhaps you could look at it as an opportunity to begin boundary work again, only this time more wisely?  LuckyJim

hah, yup thanks.  Just gonna have to climb back in the saddle.

learning every day.